In His presence

I had the privilege and honor of spending the past weekend in Bonne Terre, MO. I was at a retreat with my friend Elaine, and a group of wonderful women from her church.  The whole weekend was awesome.  Beginning Friday afternoon with a 2 and 1/2 hour car ride over by MYSELF, just me and God.  The sun was shining, the weather was warm, the trees were beautiful.  It was a country drive on hilly highways, part of it even ran along the river road.  I drove through Chester, IL, do you know who is from Chester?  Popeye of course.  Imagine.  I live within an hour and 1/2 from the home of Popeye and the home of Superman. Wow.

If you know me at all, you know I am a big music fan especially christian artist, but I chose to spend this ride with the radio off.   Still trying to work on that discipline of listening for God and being still in his presence.  The ride was amazing and I actually hated for it to end.

However, at the end of it were two of  my very good friends, Elaine and Nancy.  We have participated in so many children's, youth and ladies retreats together that this was like a family reunion.  The retreat center was such a neat place.  It is a farm, a couple from their church own it and allow churches to come for retreats.  We stayed in this remodeled barn, which is beautiful, complete with a stone fireplace, bedrooms, bathrooms, complete kitchen, hot tub, horses out the back windows.  Right out the back windows, in fact they have chewed up the screens.  Not just any horses, but Clydesdale's horses, and he had two that were 5 months old.  This place was like a Norman Rockwell painting.  Thank you Mark for your amazing hospitality.  God has certainly given you the gift of servant hood.

I was excited to get to share a testimony for one of the sessions, but even more excited about what God was going to teach me.  The retreat was based on disappointments, and each session was based on a different season of life.  One session was based on disappointment and how God gave this woman hope, one was based on disappointment and how God allowed her to be content even in the disappointment.  One was based on a disappointment in life and how God brought her through the fire of that disappointment.  Another session was  based on disappointment and how even in that disappointment God kept His promises.  Then it was wrapped up with the closing that in all these disappointments, just like every disappointment in life, we have to surrender it to God.  That it all comes down to surrender, if we want to find hope, be content, make it through the fires, and see God's promises we have to surrender all to Him.  God spoke so clearly to me through these other women, so thankful for their open and honest stories.

Then after everyone else left Saturday evening Elaine, Nancy and I stayed behind for the night.  We got to spend the evening in the hot tub catching up on each others lives.  We served together in ministry for so many years, it was so neat to see where God had taken each of us.  The new paths and opportunities he had lead each of us too.  There was a time, when a night for us in a hot tub, might have been filled with conversation that was not so pleasing to God, laced with gossip and malicious words.  But there was none of it that night.  We shared about our ministries, and families, prayer requests for people we love, and agreed to pray for each other in specific areas of our lives.

Then Sunday morning I got up for another 2 and 1/2 hour drive back home.  When I left, there was a light frost on the ground, and fog in the air.  Again, I chose to ride with no music, just me, God and the quiet in the car.  And as I drove, I began to become aware, that there is a difference in knowing God is always with you, and being in the presence of God.  We teach our kids at an early age that God is always with them, and I am always subconsciously aware of that.  But, there is a different feeling about quieting your heart, and your mind, to know you are in the presence of God.

There are two different texts in the bible where it talks about people standing on holy ground. In Exodus, when Moses stands before the burning bush in 3:5 it says, "Do not come any closer" God said, "take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground."  Also in Joshua 5, before the fall of Jericho, a man approaches Joshua and in verse 15 it says.  'The commander of the Lord's army replied, "Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy." and Joshua did.

I believe that in both these instances these men were standing in the presence of God himself, that is why it is holy ground.  I could be wrong about that, but that is my thoughts.  For me, what distinguished between the difference of God being with me, and being in God's presence, is my attitude, my submission, my heart, my mind, my surrender.  There is a difference in coming to God in that frame of mind, totally focusing on being in the presence of, a Savior who redeemed me, a God who loves me, a Son who died for me, and a Lord who wants all of me.

I have a long way to go to figure this out, but I feel like I got a little glimpse this weekend.  In my car, alone with God, I got a glimpse of what God is calling me to when he says be still and know that I am God.  And I liked it!!!!!!!
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Blessing of two Grandmothers

Growing up I was fortunate to have two grandmothers.  They shared the same name, Inez, but had complete different personalities.  Until last year, I was very blessed to have both of them still living. I know not many 50 years old can make that claim.

One of them is very outspoken and independent (She has mellowed in age).  Her independence though, is probably what allows her to still live alone in the country at 96.  My other Grandmother, who passed away about this time last year was very soft spoken, and never learned to drive.

Despite their differences, I love both of my grandmas very much.  I have made the comment on different occasions, "God, please let me inherit my Grandma Scarbrough's genes, of good health and bones, and let me inherit my Grandma Hanks's gentle spirit."  So far I have been lucky with good health, so maybe I got that, but I don't think you inherit the other one.  I think God is showing me, that is a fruit of godly living and may be a little harder to obtain.

I have been thinking about those qualities of my Grandma Hanks this week, and wishing I had spent more time with her. Wishing I had spent more time listening, and learning about how she developed those fruits of the spirit in her life.

But, I did luckily spend enough time with her growing up to make some observations about her life.

My Grandmother never had a lot, but she was very generous with what little she had.  If you were at my Grandma's house you were guaranteed a great home cooked meal.  Nothing fancy, but good comfort food.  My Grandma made the best fried chicken, and bread and gravy.  It took me a long time to master her chicken gravy but I finally did.  I think of her every time I make it.  I wish I had learned how to make her big fluffy yeast rolls.

I think that gentle, calm spirit of hers came from being content. Content with what she had.  I never heard her ask for or want anything in her life.  I think like Paul she was content.  Philippians 4: 10-13 reads "For I have learned to be content, whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."  I believe my Grandma knew what it was to be content in the strength that comes from God and God alone.

I also think her soft spoken, quiet spirit, came from Psalm 46:10. That ability to be able to be still and know that I am God.  There were times in her later years if you stopped by her house, she might be just sitting, quietly in the living room on her couch.  No TV or radio on, no book to read, just sitting there.

In the last couple of weeks I have felt God calling me to that place.  To be able to be still, and sit quietly before Him.  To be quiet and listen.  I will be honest, I am struggling with it.  To be able to just sit and clear my mind.  I have thought of my Grandma often during those times. I believe she was able to do that, and I want that peace that I think she had from learning that.  Psalm 19:14 says "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer."  I think my Grandmother lived out those words of that verse with her life.  God please let a little of that legacy fall down on my life.

To both of my Grandma Inez's I love you both, Thank you both for your legacy.

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God never has a plan B

This past Saturday October 6, 2012 was my son's wedding.  Actually, my son's second wedding.  Those are bittersweet words for a Mom "my son's second wedding".  Second wedding indicates one of two things has happened, death or divorce, and neither one are something you want to see happen in your child's life.  Both represent pain and heart ache, something a Mom never wants to see in her child.  But, we live in a world of sin and choice, and things happen.

In the past week I wondered, is this God's plan "B" for Chris?  God quickly stopped that train of thought, he repeatedly put Jeremiah 29:11 in front of me "For I KNOW the plans I HAVE for you, says the Lord.  They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."  God knew this day would happen long before Chris was born, God knew this day would happen long before I was born.  God KNEW it was His plan before the world began.

I know that to be true because only God could have planned in such detail and went so far out of the box to make this wedding day possible.

I watched Chris go through a lot, and I watched him cling to God, and I watched a strong faith and walk with God develop out of that.  And at the same time, I watched KC mature, and grow into a beautiful woman. I watched her faith develop and mature and become her own.  As those two paths paralleled I watched a friendship develop between the two.  I know they spend hours talking, openly, sharing their hearts in a way you do with a best friend not a boyfriend or girlfriend.  God was developing a strong foundation of open and honest communication between the two of them

I remember the day late last summer Chris came into the office and said what are we doing for lunch?  Mom, I will ride with you to get it.  When he volunteers to go with me that usually means he has something to tell me or ask me.  We had barely gotten in the car when he said "I know this is going to sound crazy, but I think I am developing feelings for KC.  I don't know how she feels, or if anything will ever come of it, or what to do about it, but I had to tell someone."

I watched the whirlwind, carnival ride develop over the next year, and Saturday we celebrated a beautiful, God centered wedding.  It has been neat over the last couple of weeks to have different people say I knew a year ago this would happen, or I saw it at this point.  I heard KC's Grandma Thursday night say. "I knew at KC's birthday last year Chris was in love with her."

I just want to say, KC you have always been God's plan for Chris.  I could not be happier to have you as a precious, treasured daughter.  What a blessing it was on Saturday to have the Brown, Sapp families and friends, join as one around these two. It was a beautiful day and I LOVE YOU BOTH.    

Locked In

Two blogs in one week.  But this is definitely worth sharing.

This is what happens when you lead a book study called "UNGLUED"

Wednesday, I left work, and had about an hour before I needed to be at church. I was facilitating a book study, on Lysa TerKeurst new book "Unglued".  I dropped off the mail, and decided to head to the park to look over some notes.  On the way to Herrin Park, I passed the new sports park and decided to pull in there.  I had never been to the complex before and decided to drive through it.

It was much bigger than I expected with a great walking path.  At the back of the park was an empty parking lot, so I pulled over, parked, rolled down my windows, put my seat back and spent some time rereading the first couple of chapters, about how God could change my reactions to raw emotions.

Then it was time to leave for church.  Brett called as I was leaving the park.  We had a conversation, he said something that made me mad, and set me off, so I hung up on him.  Not something I have done in awhile, and not something I am proud of.  Especially not two weeks into a study on how not to come unglued.  But I did.  Sorry Brett, that was uncalled for.

As I pulled up to the side exit of the park, I noticed the gate was locked, not unusually I had noticed that gate locked many mornings on the way to work.  So, I backed up, turned around and headed to the main entrance.  But, when I reached that gate, it was also locked..  Twenty minutes before I am suppose to be at church I am locked in a park.  I started to panic.  I got out, and double checked that there really was a lock, not just a chain around the gate. I drove back through the park to see if there was anyone still in the park.  I was stuck, locked in with no way out.

I tried calling Brett, but remember I had hung up on him.  I tried Brittany she didn't answer.  I called Chris he was already at church.  I called my friend Kim, since she lives close by, but she was at a visitation in another town.  She suggested calling the Herrin police.  Then Brittany called back, she was just leaving work so I asked her to pick me up on her way.  She text me two minutes later and said, "I just have to tell you I am laughing out loud in my car."

While I was waiting on Brittany, I called the Herrin police.  The officer, trying really hard not to laugh, said I will call someone to come unlock the gate.  I said that would be great, but I have to be somewhere in 15 minutes, can someone meet me at 8:00 and unlock it.  He said I will have someone call you at 8:00.

Brittany got there still laughing, and we laughed all the way to church.

I got to church with two minutes to spare.  Then I had to come clean with my group of ladies about my "unglued" last hour.  The first chapter of this book talks about imperfect progress.  Slow steps of progress wrapped in grace.......imperfect progress.  The progress here, "I didn't slip with a chain of words I shouldn't have said" and "I didn't come unglued on the police officer about why someone didn't drive through the park to check and see if anyone was still there."   Slow steps.

2 Corinthians 10:5  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ."

Oh and someone did meet me at 8:30 to unlock the gate so I could get my car.  After I had to call the police station twice.  By the second time the officer was cracking up laughing when he heard my voice.  Moral of the story don't come "unglued" and hang up on your husband.......    
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Hilary Clinton was right

Brittany informed me today I hadn't blogged in awhile.  So decided it was time.  I have them floating in my head or scribbled down on paper I just haven't put one on the blog for awhile.


Hilary Clinton was right or at least partly right.  She said it takes a village to raise a child.  I think it takes a church to raise a child.  Or at least I see in my kids it took a church.

After spending a couple of days in Gatlinburg with our four kids (well our two kids, son-in-law, and future [11 days] daughter-in-law), I  realized how much I really enjoy spending time with all of them.  How fortunate I am.  I am thankful for the way they turned out - did you catch that?  I am THANKFUL for the way they turned out, not proud.  Don't get me wrong I am very proud of them.  But I am not proud in the way of, "look how great my kids turned out" or "Brett and I did a great job" proud.   I am just proud of the people they are.

Brett and I were so young and so inexperienced when we had Brittany and Chris.  There are times when I wonder how they even survived.  I mean literally how they survived.  We had no idea what we were doing, and add to that, we were living away from all of our family during that period of time.  So the church really did play a major part in their lives.

God really did bless us with so many people who helped "raise" them.

From very young ages they had wonderful  women in the nursery who loved on them.  Miss Louise who taught them very early on "Jesus loves you."  Women like Miss Jane who fed them cookies for two weeks solid during VBS.  All those great VBS helpers, Lou and Irlene, Helen and Hobert, people who just loved on them.

As they moved up to the children's area they had people like Miss Wrozier, and Ron and Pat Berger, who taught them about Daniel, David, Noah, and Joshua, Jesus and his ministry.  People who had their own busy lives, but were willing to build a strong, solid foundation, into the lives of our kids.  They had people like Lou Richardson who taught Chris and Adam respect for what church is.  Not just the building but the people.

And through all those years there were the Lunn's, Pastor and his wife, building in my kids right along with their own.  Jeff at church through sermons, and Jan, through all those musicals.  Teaching them about serving God through worship and song.  And not just at church, but also in their home, my kids spent so much time at their house with Amy and Adam.

Then as they got into youth they had awesome leaders.  People like Nancy, John and Elaine, Charlie and Judy, and Dennis.  People who made youth events, overnights, and retreats a place my kids wanted to be.  Yet, in the middle of the fun they were teaching and building life principles.  Principles about how to have a walk and a personal relationship with God.  They were learning on mission trips about how to love and give to others.

So, as I sat with my kids this weekend and I listened to Brittany tell great stories; an art learned at the feet of a master story teller.  And I listened to Chris question and analyze different situations; built from a confidence of debate, I was reminded and thankful for "the village" of people who helped Brett and I raise our kids.  THANK YOU to all of those mentioned above, and those many others who are not mentioned.

Proverbs 22:6 says "Raise up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."

Thanks for reading.