Part the Waters

Music lyrics are a big thing to me.  And God uses them often in my life, a lot of times a song will get stuck in my head for weeks while I ponder the words.  The past couple of weeks it has been the song "Trust In You" by Lauren Daigle.  It seems like every time I am in the car it is on the radio so it constantly stays in my head.

The first week I pondered the words I will trust in you.  That is the way I want to live my life trusting in God no matter what.  Whether he moves the mountains, parts the seas, or gives the answer I want, I still want to trust.

But this week another message came out of these lyrics.

When You don't move the mountains I'M NEEDING YOU TO MOVE.  Too often I ask quickly for God to move the mountain, when what I really need is the endurance it takes to climb the mountain.  I am no runner.  I want to be really bad, but I am just not.  Brett on the other hand has been able to lace up his shoes and run at the drop of a hat ever since we have been married.  Occasionally I have tried to run with him.  He would coach me on the right way to breathe, breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose, or is it, in through your nose and out through your mouth?  Could be why I couldn't get it I couldn't remember it.  I learned I could run as far as I could hold my breathe because that is how I ran holding my breathe.  Not very effective you don't go to far.  Over the past year Brett and I have walked hundreds of miles but I became determined that I was going to be able to run with him this summer.  So, a couple of weeks ago when I started my walk on the treadmill I decided to try running.  OK lets be honest its more like a light jog. But I started slow for my three miles I ran 1/2 a mile and walked the second 1/2.  Last week on my first mile when I got to the 1/2 mile point I decided I can do a full mile and I did.  This week when I reached my mile I told myself you can go further and I made it 2 miles without stopping. I was super excited.   I tell that story because that took endurance and it felt great.  Sometimes my faith needs that endurance it takes to climb the mountain, to finish the race.

When You don't part the waters I WISH I COULD WALK THROUGH.  Again, my desire my wish, when maybe God's desire is for my faith to build the stamina, the character it takes to swim across the water.  I recently did a 30 day plank and wall squat challenge with a friend.  I didn't know if I would make those last 3 days when we were doing planks and wall squats for 4 and 5 minutes.  I know, doesn't sound like very long right, not until you try it.  It took more stamina to hold those 5 minutes than I ever knew I had.  Thanks Kalee.

But when God doesn't move those mountains and the endurance in my faith grows, and when God doesn't part the waters and the stamina and character in my faith increases. Then, when You don't give the answers as I CRY OUT TO YOU, my hope will be in the trust I have in You.  When those around me are hurting I will trust in you, when I don't know what the answers are I will trust in you.  When I can't see or understand your plan I will trust in you.  When my anger wants to take over I will trust in you, when it's easier to withdraw I will trust in you.

Romans 5:3-4 "....but we rejoice in our sufferings, know that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."

  

Martha is a real person!

You know how sometimes things just soak in?  Or you really just get them for the first time?  That proverbial light bulb going off over your head?  That happened to me tonight.

I was running early to pick someone up.  I am normally pretty time conscious,  I may be pushing it to get there on time but I am usually not late.  On the other hand I am not usually running 15 minutes early either.  But tonight I was.

So I pulled over in a parking lot.  I am working harder on just being quiet before God.  I always think for that to happen that  I need the perfect time, perfect setting, quantity amount of time to be still before the Lord.  Granted those times are great they just don't happen enough in my life.  So,  I am working at being able to just stop and be still before God wherever I am.

So I pulled over in a parking lot, shut off my car, closed my eyes to shut out distractions and just said God what do you want to show me right now?  I am on the way to Celebrate Recovery to hang out with 8-15 kids.  My lesson tonight is about lying, about your yes being yes and your no being no.  What do you want me to teach them from this God?

Well as usually when I am trying to be still before God my mind starts to wander.  I said I am working harder on this, I haven't mastered it!  So my ADD kicks in and I start to think about something I read in a Proverbs 31 email devotion today.  The phrase I read said "God loved Mary and Martha both.  But in that moment Jesus was more delighted with Mary's heart to be with Him than Martha's heart to serve Him."

I thought to myself wow Jesus loved them both.  And in that still small voice I heard Jesus say, yes I love Martha.  I love Martha's servant heart.   And just like that Martha became real to me.  It hit me the same Jesus I talk with each day had an actual conversation with Martha.  She was real!  Martha was a real person,  she wasn't just a character in a "bible story" we read about.  She wasn't a parable Jesus made up to make a point.  She was an actual, living  human being.

I don't know why that has never hit me so squarely in the face before.  I love the STORY of Mary and Martha.  Well sometimes I love it, most of the time it is convicting for me.  I relate more to Martha than Mary.  But until tonight it has always been a story to me.

I have been praying as I read my bible this year that I would see it for what it truly is.  A book about Jesus, that he would become more real to me.  That I wouldn't read it looking just for answers for me, but that I would get to know the man whom it is written about.  So I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that as he becomes more real to me so will the other people of the bible.

What about you?  Are the people in the bible people or are they characters in a story??

Not who I was

There are times when God speaks and speaks loud.  This morning was one of those mornings for me.  It wasn't that he taught me anything new.  Not a new lesson, not a new truth.  It's the same lesson he teaches me over and over again.  Grace.  Sometimes I just forget or lose my way.

This was a rough week, there were things that happen all week.  Things that made me bitter, made me angry, things that made me judgmental, self-righteous, and a hypocrite.  None of which I am proud of, by the end of the week I was not someone who I wanted to me.  One of those weeks where you get to the point where you go how did things get so out of control that these are my reactions.

God being who he is addressed all of that head on this morning.  I am in a Sunday morning book study by Angie Smith, called "Seamless".  It is a great study that gives you an overview of the bible from Genesis to Revelation's in 7 weeks.  Enough promotion.  What it is really giving you is a theme of who God is through out the bible.

In her video this morning she made this comment, "I stepped back a couple of feet from the door and saw my reflection, and I wasn't who I used to be."  God spoke softy to my heart, and I knew it wasn't that she had "performed" her way out of who she was.  It was because Jesus' death on the cross had changed who she was.

Then as icing on the cake Robbey preaches on the unforgiving debtor.  You know the story.  The debtor who is forgiven millions of dollars worth of debt and then turns right around and demands that the man who owes him hundreds pay up RIGHT NOW.

I was hurt this week and turned around and hurt others in return.  I deemed someone as white trash in my head this week because they harassed and tried to scare me.  Really, are judgmental and self-righteous any better labels?  The point is I have been forgiven over and over by God, yet I failed to forgive others.

I could draw a line in the sand and say I will be better this week, I can overcome myself.  I can "perform" my self out of this person I don't want to be.  And I can for a little while but I will fail again.

But I am not the person I used to be.  That person died with Jesus on the cross.  When I live out the reflection God sees.  When I forgive others the way God forgives.  Then I become the person I was meant to be.

Revelations 2:17 "Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.  To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven.  And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it."

100 Christmas's

For 51 of the last 55 years every Christmas dinner has been spent at my Grandmother's house.  The first year Brett and I were married we lived in California and couldn't make it home, the year Brittany was born, the year Chris was born, and one year I know I was sick. (there may have been a few more, but those are all I can recall).

This year was different because this is the first year of those 55 my Grandmother was not there.   In fact if I figured right this is close to the first time in 80+ years she has not spent Christmas in that location.  Two different houses but same spot.   This was her 100th Christmas, statistics say being born in 1916 gave her a 1.3% chance of seeing 100 Christmas's.  What a rare opportunity.

She was in the hospital this Christmas and it changed the dynamics completely.  It's one of those things that was a standard, that was predictable, that you took for granted would always be there.

At 54,  I am aware of how fortunate I am to still have a Grandmother.  In fact over the last year I have been grateful for the chance to spend some really precious time with her.  I was fortunate in the fall to spend 3 or 4 hours alone one evening sitting and talking with her. Hearing stories about her life.  I also had the rare privilege at Thanksgiving to sit and listen to my kids ask her questions and hear her share stories.  To listen to them laugh together.  I have had the chance over the last week to spend time sitting with her in the hospital.  At times she has been confused but there were still many hours to listen to stories.  To watch that stubborn, strong will of hers help her bounce back.

With the changes also come questions.  As a believer I know I am suppose to not question.  I know I am suppose to trust God's timing, trust God's plan.  Just when I am getting a handle on one area, God takes me to the far extreme on the other end, and once again I am saying God I don't understand,  I can't see the whole picture.  God has been teaching me about timing for a few years now (I am a slow learner).  But, in birth, in life, in death it's God timing.

I don't understand why it takes years for some people to have children.  I don't understand why some people's lives seem to be cut way to short, or why some people's bodies out last their will to live.  But I do know the one who does know, and all he calls me to do is trust.  To trust in his timing, to trust in his plan, to trust in him.

So for now I will cling to the one who holds time in his hands and enjoy those precious days, months or years that lie ahead.

Acts 1:7 He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority."

Merry 100th Christmas Grandma!

Will I leave a legacy like Leo?

Last week I learned that a dear sweet man from our previous church in St. Louis had passed away. Leo was one of those men who impacted many lives.  There were two specific areas of my life that Leo impacted by his example.

The first was his devotion to his wife.  The whole time we knew Leo which was 19+ years, his wife Zola had health issues.  She had health issues that slowly continued to deteriorate her body and her mind. Through all those years Leo took care of her.  When others might have made their life easier, Leo continued to keep Zola at home with him and care for her.  He was a true example of what it meant to honor your marriage vows for better or worse.  I know from stories that devotion came from years of a solid marriage where God was at the center.   A marriage of two people who served, loved, and honored God together.

The second area of impact was in his prayer life.  Leo was the best prayer warrior I know.  He must have kept a notebook, because, weeks after a prayer request Leo would come back to you for an update. It was humbling when Leo was still praying for something I might have already given up on. He didn't, like me so many times, just say I'll pray and pray once.  He was consistent in it.  If there was something I wanted prayer for I made sure Leo was aware of it.  

I have been thinking about those things this past week, and I have also been listening to the lyrics of the Sidewalk Prophets song.  "What will people say of me when I'm only just a memory?  Was I Jesus to the least of us?  Am I proof that you are who you say you are?  That grace can really change a heart?"

Leo's memory will live for a long time in the hearts of many family and friends.  A memory that, You are who you say you are.  A memory that grace really does change a heart.  A memory of someone who was Jesus to the least of us.

What a legacy to leave to your family.  When I am just a memory will people say I honored my vows to Brett?  Will my kids say we always knew Mom was devoted to our Dad?  Will people say I wanted to make sure Janet was praying for me?  Those things don't just happen.  They require action on our part.  They require a relationship that is intertwined with a God who changes hearts.  They require a life that is changed by grace.

What will your legacy be?  What will people say when you are only just a memory?  It's never too late!!

Matthew 6: 19-21 "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.  Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."