Priorities

It's been awhile since I have blogged, and part of that is probably due to priorities.  When my priorities are in order then my relationship with God is my number one priority.  When that is in place then God is speaking, or maybe it's more when that is in place then I am taking time to listen.

So often I hear people say, I wish God would speak to me.  I am beginning to realize He does speak. We just aren't listening.  He doesn't force his way and He doesn't yell, so most times we just don't hear him. 

Recently, my good friend Kim sent me an email saying pray for me I am stepping down from worship ministry.  I can't continue to give God my left overs.  Now, I am sad to say my very first reaction was to judge her decision.  She's great at worship, she loves music and I just wasn't sure this was something she should be giving up.  But, I quickly realized that she would not have made the decision lightly and it probably came with some pain and heart ache for her.  I jokingly call her my minni me.  So, I knew in making this decision she was probably struggling with questions like, who am I letting down?  Am I letting God down?  So, I started praying that God would honor her decision about her priorities, and that she would have a peace about it with no guilt.

It's a funny thing how God works.  As I was praying for this sweet sisters priorities God began to say "what about yours?"  I confidently responded mine are fine.  Relationship with God, relationship with Brett, family and friends, ministry, and work.  Perfect order.    God said do your actions support that? Well if he's asking then of course they probably don't.  So, I began to examine my last couple of weeks.  I had started writing my own bible study lessons for Wednesday night and it was taking 2 or 3 nights a week.  Time I wasn't spending with Brett.  There had been a couple of mornings there were some work issues before I went in, and I had worked on those and passed up  my morning time of bible reading. Time I wasn't spending with God. The two bottom things on my priority list were taking priority over my top two.

So, I sent an email to my friend Kim and first asked her to forgive me for judging her decision for even a minute. (A Celebrate Recovery step totally out of my comfort zone, inventory your actions and make amends).   I told her God was using it all as I lesson for me, and I ask if I could use her name to blog. I also asked her if she would please start praying for my priorities? She sent back an email saying of course, and she said you are the one who told me you can't give God your left overs.  Hate it when your own advice comes back to haunt you.

So, what does that mean for me?  Does it mean I should give up my bible study, or my job?  No, it just means I need to re examine where my time is going.  How much time am I spending on facebook or watching TV?  Those things are not even on my priority list. Those are the things I should be reducing when my schedule starts to fill up.

I came in contact this month with someone who was sitting by the bedside of a parent waiting for them to die, someone who was in a custody battle for a child, someone whose teenager had ran away, someone who was in the hospital waiting for test results, someone who was going before a judge to find out how many years they would be going to prison. If these were things I were facing would my priorities change?

We are given so many hours every day, and we are accountable to God for every minute.  My prayer is that I make each of those minutes count.

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom."   
How are your priorities???
    

The Beat of My Heart

Anyone who has been following me for awhile knows I struggle with quiet time.  Not time sitting down and reading my bible quiet time, but being still and silent quiet time.  I think I have determined where some of that comes from, but that doesn't make it go away.

So, this morning I read the bible and just sat still for a little while.  It was silent and totally quiet and I didn't freak out.  I didn't run through 8 lists in my head. I didn't sit there thinking I should be up putting clothes in the washer, or rushing out the door to get to work.  I didn't sit there thinking it's quiet, I am still, God should be speaking. Sometimes I think I get confused and think that's what quiet time has to be, God speaking. As if I am saying God I took 10 minutes to sit still You should speak to me now.  I just soaked up the peacefulness of it.  AND I LIKED IT.

Then it hit me this is what God wants me to find in this.  PEACE.  If I soak up enough of it, if I get comfortable with it, then in those times when my life is rushed I should be able to find that peace in my heart.  On those days at work when 8 people are talking at once, the TV is on, and the phone is ringing off the hook I should be able to draw on that peace.

On days when things are not going the way I  want them to, when it seems like there are more things to do than hours in the day. You know those days when you don't even take a full breathe.  Those weeks when I don't have a single night at home.  Those times when I feel like I have nothing left to give anyone.  I should be able to find that place of peace because it should be in my heart.  It should be rooted deeply there.

I was thinking through all of that on my way to work, and I thought about a song.  You know me music, lyrics.  However, this wasn't any grand christian song.  It's actually a pop song from the 70's or maybe 80's.  So, if you aren't in that second half of life or fast approaching it you probably won't even know the song.  It is actually a song by Air Supply called "Making love out of Nothing at All".  There is a line in the song that I love because it makes me think of Brett, but today it wasn't Brett I thought of.

The line goes "The beating of my heart is like a drum and it's lost and it's looking for a rhythm like you".  I thought, that line matches my train of thought this morning.  On those days like this morning when my heart gets it right and it finds that rhythm of God it's a perfect morning.  When my heart finds that beat and beats in tune with God I find that peace that we all so desperately grave.

My son Chris is a drummer, and he has been told by more than one person that he has natural rhythm.  We all have a natural rhythm where God is concerned. But, it's when I try and take over that the rhythm gets off beat. I don't think God intends for us to beat to our own drum.  I think he wants us to beat to His. If I can learn to let my heart maintain that natural rhythm with God, and keep that steady beat, peace might be more consistent in my life. This is one of those areas where I am a slow learner, but I like the glimpses of what I see.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you........" 



 

Utility Players

Maybe your one of those lucky individuals who has always known what God's plan was for your life.  You struck out on that path and are still headed down that road.  That's not the case for me.  Even at 50 something there are still days I find myself saying "what is it God wants me to do with my life."

I was having one of those chains of thought this morning.  And I felt God say, maybe I just need some utility players.  Only by hosting Miners baseball players in past years did that mean anything to me.

You see out of the 10-15 players we hosted over the years most of them were pitchers.  Not all, but at least a third.  Pitchers are really good at one thing.  They know their job and train and practice for that one thing.  In fact a pitcher doesn't just know that he's a pitcher.  They know if they are a starter, a reliever, or a closer.  Even more specialized in what they do.  And they are a very important part of the team.  In fact they probably get the most attention of anyone on the team.  However, they know they couldn't stand on the mound and play the game alone.  They rely on the team standing behind them.

One player we had stay with us, was a utility player.  Justin spend two summers with us and became a close part of our family.  Justin wasn't a particular "hot shot" in any one area, but he was strong in a lot of different areas.  He could play infield or outfield positions, he was a strong, steady hitter, and he was a fast runner.  He was a player coach Pinto could move around and use in different spots as needed.  For that reason he was an important and integral part of the team.

It was fun to watch Justin play because he loved the game, and knew the game.  He knew the ins and outs of the game, which probably made him most effective as a utility player. He had a good understanding of how the team worked together.  What all the different roles and positions were.  He didn't care where he was playing he just loved to play.  He was available, ready and willing where ever he was placed.

I began to think about that in my walk with God.  Maybe I am a utility player.  Maybe I am just trying to hard to find my spot.   God doesn't give everyone the talents to be a pitcher.  Besides, how effective would a baseball team be if it were made up of only pitchers or only catchers or only first basemen.  I am sure it wouldn't make the playoffs.

How much more effective would I be if I just loved God, and was willing to show up, and play whatever position he assigned me that day?  That isn't saying I think I am strong in that many areas, or that like Justin I have a lot of different talents.  In my case I think it just starts with being willing to say each morning "God here I am, suited up ready to go, what position on the field do YOU want me to take today?"


1 Corinthians 12:17-20:  If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be?  If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

Hmmm utility player doesn't sound so bad.  What position are you????



  

Good Bye's - Dedicated to Grandpa Baity.

Recently a friend of mine left town to move up north.  Good luck Terra.  I will miss you.  I have to find a new movie partner.   I am excited for her because she is beginning a chapter in her life that is long over due.  However, that still meant having to say Good bye.

After saying good bye to this friend, the word good bye has been floating around in my head this week

Brett and I moved around a lot when we were first married.  Brett was in the Navy, we literally moved from one coast to another, and since we rented we moved about every year for the first 10 years of our marriage.  That is a lot of good byes.


There are tons of songs with the word Good Bye in them.  Carpenters, Good bye to love.  Super-tramp's, Good bye Stranger.  Jackson Five, Never can say Good bye.  And of course Elton's, Good bye yellow brick road.

But the word good bye also brought up a great memory of my great-grandpa.  My Grandpa lived to be in his mid nineties.  If you haven't noticed yet I am blessed with good jeans.  Lots of people in my family live past 90.

My favorite description of this grandpa is from Brittany when she was real young.  She said  "Is he the Grandpa who lives in the little house in the country and spits in a can?"  That was a pretty good description.

There are a lot of neat stories I could tell you about my Grandpa, one would be that he accept Christ in his 90's.  The odds of someone being saved at such an age are rare to none.  But I am glad I have the hope and promise that I will get to see him again someday.

When I think of my Grandpa I picture him standing in his drive as you backed out to leave.  There he stood skinny as a bean pole, in his overalls and cap.  He always walked you out to the car, and he would never tell you Good bye, he would just wave with his pointer finger.

He lived by himself after my great grandma died, I always felt like theirs would be one of those great love stories where when one died the other one would follow shortly after from a broken heart,  Though obviously God had a better story in place for my Grandpa.  He wasn't ready for him yet.

My Grandpa had one of those freak things happen where he was getting up from his chair, or something simple and he broke a hip. (I think it was his hip).  Anyway he had to be hospitalized for a few days, possible the only time he was ever in the hospital.  While he was in there, he had contact with all those people in his life he loved, kids, grand-kids, and great grand-kids.  Everyone either made it to the hospital to see him, or talked to him on the phone, or sent him flowers, had some form of contact with him.

Brett and the kids and I went over from St Louis to see him while he was there.  When we got ready to leave his room Grandpa told us all good bye. First time I had heard him use those words. I knew when I walked out of that room that would be the last time I saw my Grandpa alive.

He got released and got to go home to his own house a few days later.  He was only home a short time before he passed away.  But God had arranged for him to get to tell all of his loved ones good bye. What an awesome Good bye blessing for all of us.

                                           My great grandparents, Baity and Edna Krutsinger

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2b  "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die.............it could just as easily say a time to say hello and a time to say Good Bye!!!!
  

Extremes

So, this is a picture of Brittany and I actually getting our tattoo's.  As you can tell my daughter is just a tad bit more dramatic than I am.  Which is one of the things I love the most about her.

But there is a much bigger lesson behind this picture than the difference in our personalities.

OK.  There may have been some pain involved, but we are both exaggerating to a certain extend just in different directions.  The real lesson came for me the next evening about 24 hours later.  We got them last Saturday, and Sunday evening I began to have a horrible back ache.  In fact my back hurt and I had spasms most of the week.  It is a week later and my back is just starting to feel normal.

I realized after looking at these two pictures why that probably is.  Even though it might be a little in excess. Brittany is releasing the pain she is feeling.  She is expressing it.  I know I look calm and relaxed right.  A rock?  In reality if you could zoom in on my knuckles I am pretty sure they are white from holding that table.  And I was afraid to move so I sat in that tense, odd position, probably holding my breathe most of the time.  It wasn't even for very long but I reaped the side effects all week.

It is that way with any kind of pain in our lives.  If we don't express the pain, if we hide it and act like it isn't there, it is going to come out somewhere.  If someone says something that hurts our feelings, betrays us, lies to us, breaks a confidence.  Those things hurt and we can bite our tongues, act like the pain isn't there, deny, ignore, act like we are tougher than we are, but the hurt is going to come out somewhere.  It may show up in your blood pressure, or your cholesterol, headaches, neck aches, back aches, TMJ, pinched nerves.  The pain is going to come out somewhere.

So, look at the lesson in this picture.  Brittany released her pain, it lasted the whole 8 minutes she was getting her tattoo.  Mine could have lasted only the 15 minutes it took to get mine.  Instead I was struggling a whole week with lower back pain because my pride said, "I am tough I can do this without showing any signs of weakness."  

God doesn't call us to be strong, to be tough, to hold it all in.  In fact, just the opposite.  Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9, But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ my rest upon me.

When we give in and say I am hurting, and we turn that pain over to God, and we rely on him and not our own strength then He really begins to use us.  When it's His power in us and not our own then we really are strong.
Thanks for teaching me a lesson this week Brittany!