What I have learned in 35 years of marriage.

35 YEARS, YES 35 YEARS, it does not seem possible.  It does not seem like it was 35 years ago on this day at 7:00 PM, at Calvary Baptist Church, in Effingham.  I stood beside Brett Allan Sapp and became his wife.

I was 18, with stars in my eyes, and no idea what lie in store.  On that day, I could not have known or imagined what the future held for me, but I know that 35 years later I would do it all over again.

Waking up to this man 12,775 mornings (give or take a hundred)
2 amazing kids later
15 jobs later
6 states and I don't know how many addresses later
10 + cars later
????? miles traveled together
???? laughs
???? tears (though I know the laughs have out numbered the tears, because my favorite thing about him is that he makes me laugh every day)

I could paint a rosy picture and say it has been perfect, but if you are married you would know that is a lie.  Our life has been filled with blessings too numerous to count and I thank God for those.  But, it has been a marriage of two selfish, sinful people, so there have been hurts, disappointments, arguments, name calling, hateful words, and heartaches.

Only by the grace of God at some point we got it together and made the choice to put Christ at the center. Without him there, like so many marriages, I am sure ours would have failed.

With 35 years of marriage, comes some wisdom, so here are the top 10 things I have learned about marriage.

10.  Learn your spouses love language and speak it often.
9.    When you are wrong, say you are sorry.   When your feelings are hurt, be specific about why.
8.    Your children are "renters" one day they will be gone, and it will be you two, make your spouse priority.
7.    Learn to laugh at yourself, and laugh together often.
6.    Do not expect your spouse to be able to read your mind.  If you do you are setting them up for failure.
5.    Do not put unrealistic expectations on your spouse.and never threaten divorce.
4.    Learn to ask for help, and then accept your spouse may do it differently, but it might be even  better than your way.  ( I now hang up jeans the way Brett hangs them)
3.    Wives, if you step out of the way and let your husband lead you might find out he is really smart.
2.    An encouraging word from you is 10 times greater than one from anyone else.
1.    Your marriage should be a threesome.  God, your spouse, and you, in that order.

Genesis 2:24 "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."

Thank You Brett Allan for an amazing 35 years, thank you for making me laugh every day.  I can not wait to do the next 35 with you.  I LOVE YOU!!

        

Brett was right.

Apparently, as much as I hate to admit it, Brett was right.  While I might hate admitting that, it is a whole post all on its own for another day.  But for this post, for today, I will say it again.  Brett was right.

When we first started walking together my toes were killing me.  Brett told me it was because my shoes were too tight and I needed new ones and I needed good ones.  I had ones that I paid a decent amount for and I was sure they would be OK.

My toes did stop hurting after a few weeks, but then I noticed a couple of weeks after that, one of my big toe nails was turning colors.

So I started researching it.  Guess what.  If you run or walk a lot apparently there is this issue called purple or black toe.    

And take a stab at what causes it.  A few things apparently.  One being that your shoes might be too small. When you walk your toes will swell kind of like your fingers do.  If there isn't sufficient space at the end of your shoe your toe will bump it.  Another contributor is people who tend to grip with their toes when they walk.  I wear flip flops 6 or 7 months out of the year.  Of course I am a toe gripper.  Cheap shoes were another culprit.  All the sites I researched recommend that you get shoes that are 1/2 or full size above what you normally wear.

The end result, there is a good chance I will probably lose that toe nail.  It doesn't seem to be a problem, the other one is usually grown most of the way back before the old one falls off.  And it appears there will be no reason I can't continue to walk through the process.

God uses the strangest things in my life to correspond with spiritual issues.

As I was thinking about this, I thought, that is kind of the way my walk with God goes sometimes.  

Sometimes I tend to cram as much as I can into what I am doing.  Kind of like my toes crammed into the nose of that shoe.  When I do that, when I over book, when I over extend, when I over commit, things start to swell kind of like my toes do.  Suddenly there is no room for God.  The things I might be doing are not necessarily bad.  They can all be good things there just isn't room for everything.

When that happens my heart tends to start to look like that toe nail.  Bruised and black and purple.

I also sometimes tend to want to grip my life just like my toes grip to hold on to that shoe.  I hold tight  to things I don't want to let go of.  That might be sin or it might even be good things.  Parts of my life that I don't want to give up to God.  Parts that I am sure I don't need to bother him with.  Parts that I am sure I can handle on my own.  Either way, anything that I am holding on to is sure to turn my heart purple just like that toe nail.  

Do expensive shoes really matter?  Do the best really make a difference?

I know that Jesus gave the best he had in purchasing my life.  He gave his one and only Son.  The one most precious and dear to him.

So, I did break down this weekend and purchase new shoes.  I got a size bigger than my normal size and I didn't check price tags (well not too close anyway).  I just tried them on and went with what felt the best.

Result - I told Brett to be prepared to double our walking time.  They really did feel great.  

Psalm 139:16 "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

God already has allowed time for me to accomplish everything he set out for me to complete.  If my life is feeling crammed I have probably placed things there that don't belong.  

  

Frustrated!!!

Shhhhh don't tell anyone, but sometimes I get really frustrated.  To make it worse sometimes it is God I get really frustrated with.  That is something as a pastors wife I feel like I am not allowed to say out loud.  Let alone actually put down in writing.  But I do.

I get frustrated with things I see around me.  I get frustrated when I see things around me that I think are unfair.

I get frustrated when I feel like people around me are not reaping what they sow.  When people are constantly doing the wrong thing yet constantly skating by with no consequences or repercussions.

I get frustrated when I see people that are doing it all right yet seem like they are getting nowhere.

I get frustrated when I see what I consider "good" people struggling.

Why do I get frustrated?  Mainly because I can not see the complete picture.

I live in this small box, I am hampered by feelings, emotions, and reactions.  But my God is so much BIGGER than this box of mine.

And I know that, I know that from experience.  I know that, because so many times in my life I have had a plan, an expectation, and I have watched God surpass that plan a hundred times over.

So even though I know that, even though I know God's plans are so much bigger than mine.  God's thoughts are far beyond my thoughts.  (Isaiah 55:8) "my thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,"says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

Yet still I get frustrated when God doesn't do it my way.  Cause like Sarah I am a woman with a plan, and I am a woman of action.

So, why do I get frustrated?  Because I want it my way in my time.  Because I am selfish and I am impatient.  But when I get frustrated, if I would just take a few minutes.  If I would look back over those other times in my life where God has blown my little box out of the water.  Then I would sit back, I would breathe, and I would wait patiently to see what he is going to do.

If you are struggling with frustration today, if you are impatient, if you are selfish just know that God's plan will probably be outside your box.  Wait for it!

2 Thessalonians 3:5 "May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ."

 

        

Pushing Through

Brett and I are continuing to walk each morning and in the afternoons when we can.  For the most part I enjoy those mornings I really enjoy walking.

I enjoy the coolness of the morning, even in July it is cool.  I enjoy at 5:30 AM watching the world wake up.  We see all kinds of wildlife out at that time in the morning.  We have seen deer on many mornings.  We have seen two foxes a couple of mornings. We see lots of bunny rabbits.  One morning a family of skunks passed in the road in front of us.  Needless to say we gave them plenty of space.  

I love watching the sky light up with the colors of morning.  For someone who is a self proclaimed "not morning" person, I am really starting to enjoy that part of the day.  Probably has something to do with the age.  Maybe just another sign that I am getting older.  This morning we even got to walk in the rain for the last mile.  We thought we would beat it out but we didn't.  Even that was fun in the morning because I was going back to the house to shower anyway so what did it matter if we were wet?

As much as I enjoy these morning walks, some days are just easier than others.  There are days when the stride is just right.  Where the pace is right on target.  When the humidity is low and it is easy to breathe.  Days when my body just moves with no effort at all.

Then there are those other days.  Those days when my toes hurt. (Brett keeps telling me my shoes are too tight). I am not moving up a size, what is a blister here or there.  Those days when I feel like I am gasping to catch my breathe.  When I feel like it is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other for the next step.  Days when I feel like what are we doing out here again. Those days when it is all I can do to push through and make it back home.  But determination, and discipline (and my husband)  keep me getting up each morning.

As I was walking this morning I was thinking about that.  Sometimes as much as I hate to admit it my spiritual walk is the same way.  We would like it to always be one of those "good mornings", where the stride and pace are perfect.  Those days when nothing hurts, but it is not always that way.

There are days that I feel like my heart hurts, There are days when I feel like it is all I can do to keep my head above water while I gasp for air.  Days that I don't feel like picking up my bible, or praying. Days that I have questioned why is this what I am doing.

It is those days when my determination reminds me of what God did on the cross for me.  It is those days when my discipline reminds me to pick up my bible and pray anyway.

"Those" days, make the good days even better.

Paul says in 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith."

Thank you Jesus that every day isn't a great day.  If they were they would become boring and I would take them for granted.  Thank you that determination and discipline help us put one foot in front of the other and finish the course.  Plain and simple Thank You Jesus!  



 

       

Supreme Court Decision

I have written and rewritten and rewritten this post.  I am having a hard time getting it to say exactly what I feel.  Maybe that is the first issue right there.  I am reacting out of emotion, not out of faith.  But this topic and decision hold such emotions for so many.  There are such strong emotions on both sides.

Therein lies part of the problem.  I don't want to choose sides.  I don't want to say something that would hurt or harm people that mean a lot to me.  Family members that I love.  I think that is why this decision triggers such emotion.  We all know someone close to us who is gay or lesbian.  We can't detach and say "those" people, because these are OUR people.  They are family, friends, work associates, and neighbors, people we love.    

On the other hand, for me God has been working on truth in my life for the last year.  Facing truth, choosing truth and wanting really hard to live a life based on truth.  So, can I just turn my back on what the bible says is truth in this situation?

So, what do I know as truth?

I know that gay or straight, if we say we are Christian then one thing we surely agree on is that The Bible is true.  It is the living word of God and it is truth.  All of it is truth.  It tells us in Revelation 22:18 that we can't add to or take anything away from the bible.  As much as I would like to take a sharpie, and mark through those verses that talk about submitting to my husband, or those verses that tell me how bad my pride is, I can't.  I have to take the bible at it's word.  That is the first truth I know.

The second truth I know is that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, ALL my sins.  That Jesus died on the cross for ALL sins.   I know that John 3:16 tells me that "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son.  That whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  Truth is, anyone who believes in him and has accepted him as Lord will have eternal life.  I believe that is truth.

The third truth I know comes from Luke 19:10.  "For the Son of man came to seek and save the lost." While on earth Jesus sought out tax collectors, prostitutes, adulterers, and a Samaritan woman.  At some point in our lives most of us have felt like we belonged in that group.  People others shunned and avoided, but that is why Jesus came, to seek us out one by one.  To build relationships that change lives.  I believe that is what Jesus calls us to do.  Build relationships.  We can't build relationships if we harbor a spirit that condemns.

The last truth I know is that God hates sin.  God hates my sin, God hates ALL sin.  Never once in the bible does it say God rejoiced or embraced any sin.  Psalm 5:4 says "For you are not a God who delights in wickedness, evil may not dwell with you."  The complete nature of God is sinless.  From the beginning, in the garden, sin separates us from God. Genesis 3:8 says "And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God."  Our sins will always cause a separation between us and God.  We can try and rename them, we can try to run from them, but we cannot hide them from God. The good news for us is, he is a God of mercy and grace, who stretches out his arms and offers us repentance.

My prayer is, that with this decision, we would all seek to know God and his truths better.