There are times when God speaks and speaks loud. This morning was one of those mornings for me. It wasn't that he taught me anything new. Not a new lesson, not a new truth. It's the same lesson he teaches me over and over again. Grace. Sometimes I just forget or lose my way.
This was a rough week, there were things that happen all week. Things that made me bitter, made me angry, things that made me judgmental, self-righteous, and a hypocrite. None of which I am proud of, by the end of the week I was not someone who I wanted to me. One of those weeks where you get to the point where you go how did things get so out of control that these are my reactions.
God being who he is addressed all of that head on this morning. I am in a Sunday morning book study by Angie Smith, called "Seamless". It is a great study that gives you an overview of the bible from Genesis to Revelation's in 7 weeks. Enough promotion. What it is really giving you is a theme of who God is through out the bible.
In her video this morning she made this comment, "I stepped back a couple of feet from the door and saw my reflection, and I wasn't who I used to be." God spoke softy to my heart, and I knew it wasn't that she had "performed" her way out of who she was. It was because Jesus' death on the cross had changed who she was.
Then as icing on the cake Robbey preaches on the unforgiving debtor. You know the story. The debtor who is forgiven millions of dollars worth of debt and then turns right around and demands that the man who owes him hundreds pay up RIGHT NOW.
I was hurt this week and turned around and hurt others in return. I deemed someone as white trash in my head this week because they harassed and tried to scare me. Really, are judgmental and self-righteous any better labels? The point is I have been forgiven over and over by God, yet I failed to forgive others.
I could draw a line in the sand and say I will be better this week, I can overcome myself. I can "perform" my self out of this person I don't want to be. And I can for a little while but I will fail again.
But I am not the person I used to be. That person died with Jesus on the cross. When I live out the reflection God sees. When I forgive others the way God forgives. Then I become the person I was meant to be.
Revelations 2:17 "Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches. To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven. And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it."
Sunday, January 24, 2016
Saturday, December 26, 2015
100 Christmas's
For 51 of the last 55 years every Christmas dinner has been spent at my Grandmother's house. The first year Brett and I were married we lived in California and couldn't make it home, the year Brittany was born, the year Chris was born, and one year I know I was sick. (there may have been a few more, but those are all I can recall).
This year was different because this is the first year of those 55 my Grandmother was not there. In fact if I figured right this is close to the first time in 80+ years she has not spent Christmas in that location. Two different houses but same spot. This was her 100th Christmas, statistics say being born in 1916 gave her a 1.3% chance of seeing 100 Christmas's. What a rare opportunity.
She was in the hospital this Christmas and it changed the dynamics completely. It's one of those things that was a standard, that was predictable, that you took for granted would always be there.
At 54, I am aware of how fortunate I am to still have a Grandmother. In fact over the last year I have been grateful for the chance to spend some really precious time with her. I was fortunate in the fall to spend 3 or 4 hours alone one evening sitting and talking with her. Hearing stories about her life. I also had the rare privilege at Thanksgiving to sit and listen to my kids ask her questions and hear her share stories. To listen to them laugh together. I have had the chance over the last week to spend time sitting with her in the hospital. At times she has been confused but there were still many hours to listen to stories. To watch that stubborn, strong will of hers help her bounce back.
With the changes also come questions. As a believer I know I am suppose to not question. I know I am suppose to trust God's timing, trust God's plan. Just when I am getting a handle on one area, God takes me to the far extreme on the other end, and once again I am saying God I don't understand, I can't see the whole picture. God has been teaching me about timing for a few years now (I am a slow learner). But, in birth, in life, in death it's God timing.
I don't understand why it takes years for some people to have children. I don't understand why some people's lives seem to be cut way to short, or why some people's bodies out last their will to live. But I do know the one who does know, and all he calls me to do is trust. To trust in his timing, to trust in his plan, to trust in him.
So for now I will cling to the one who holds time in his hands and enjoy those precious days, months or years that lie ahead.
Acts 1:7 He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority."
Merry 100th Christmas Grandma!
This year was different because this is the first year of those 55 my Grandmother was not there. In fact if I figured right this is close to the first time in 80+ years she has not spent Christmas in that location. Two different houses but same spot. This was her 100th Christmas, statistics say being born in 1916 gave her a 1.3% chance of seeing 100 Christmas's. What a rare opportunity.
She was in the hospital this Christmas and it changed the dynamics completely. It's one of those things that was a standard, that was predictable, that you took for granted would always be there.
At 54, I am aware of how fortunate I am to still have a Grandmother. In fact over the last year I have been grateful for the chance to spend some really precious time with her. I was fortunate in the fall to spend 3 or 4 hours alone one evening sitting and talking with her. Hearing stories about her life. I also had the rare privilege at Thanksgiving to sit and listen to my kids ask her questions and hear her share stories. To listen to them laugh together. I have had the chance over the last week to spend time sitting with her in the hospital. At times she has been confused but there were still many hours to listen to stories. To watch that stubborn, strong will of hers help her bounce back.
With the changes also come questions. As a believer I know I am suppose to not question. I know I am suppose to trust God's timing, trust God's plan. Just when I am getting a handle on one area, God takes me to the far extreme on the other end, and once again I am saying God I don't understand, I can't see the whole picture. God has been teaching me about timing for a few years now (I am a slow learner). But, in birth, in life, in death it's God timing.
I don't understand why it takes years for some people to have children. I don't understand why some people's lives seem to be cut way to short, or why some people's bodies out last their will to live. But I do know the one who does know, and all he calls me to do is trust. To trust in his timing, to trust in his plan, to trust in him.
So for now I will cling to the one who holds time in his hands and enjoy those precious days, months or years that lie ahead.
Acts 1:7 He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority."
Merry 100th Christmas Grandma!
Tuesday, August 4, 2015
Will I leave a legacy like Leo?
Last week I learned that a dear sweet man from our previous church in St. Louis had passed away. Leo was one of those men who impacted many lives. There were two specific areas of my life that Leo impacted by his example.
The first was his devotion to his wife. The whole time we knew Leo which was 19+ years, his wife Zola had health issues. She had health issues that slowly continued to deteriorate her body and her mind. Through all those years Leo took care of her. When others might have made their life easier, Leo continued to keep Zola at home with him and care for her. He was a true example of what it meant to honor your marriage vows for better or worse. I know from stories that devotion came from years of a solid marriage where God was at the center. A marriage of two people who served, loved, and honored God together.
The second area of impact was in his prayer life. Leo was the best prayer warrior I know. He must have kept a notebook, because, weeks after a prayer request Leo would come back to you for an update. It was humbling when Leo was still praying for something I might have already given up on. He didn't, like me so many times, just say I'll pray and pray once. He was consistent in it. If there was something I wanted prayer for I made sure Leo was aware of it.
I have been thinking about those things this past week, and I have also been listening to the lyrics of the Sidewalk Prophets song. "What will people say of me when I'm only just a memory? Was I Jesus to the least of us? Am I proof that you are who you say you are? That grace can really change a heart?"
Leo's memory will live for a long time in the hearts of many family and friends. A memory that, You are who you say you are. A memory that grace really does change a heart. A memory of someone who was Jesus to the least of us.
What a legacy to leave to your family. When I am just a memory will people say I honored my vows to Brett? Will my kids say we always knew Mom was devoted to our Dad? Will people say I wanted to make sure Janet was praying for me? Those things don't just happen. They require action on our part. They require a relationship that is intertwined with a God who changes hearts. They require a life that is changed by grace.
What will your legacy be? What will people say when you are only just a memory? It's never too late!!
Matthew 6: 19-21 "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."
The first was his devotion to his wife. The whole time we knew Leo which was 19+ years, his wife Zola had health issues. She had health issues that slowly continued to deteriorate her body and her mind. Through all those years Leo took care of her. When others might have made their life easier, Leo continued to keep Zola at home with him and care for her. He was a true example of what it meant to honor your marriage vows for better or worse. I know from stories that devotion came from years of a solid marriage where God was at the center. A marriage of two people who served, loved, and honored God together.
The second area of impact was in his prayer life. Leo was the best prayer warrior I know. He must have kept a notebook, because, weeks after a prayer request Leo would come back to you for an update. It was humbling when Leo was still praying for something I might have already given up on. He didn't, like me so many times, just say I'll pray and pray once. He was consistent in it. If there was something I wanted prayer for I made sure Leo was aware of it.
I have been thinking about those things this past week, and I have also been listening to the lyrics of the Sidewalk Prophets song. "What will people say of me when I'm only just a memory? Was I Jesus to the least of us? Am I proof that you are who you say you are? That grace can really change a heart?"
Leo's memory will live for a long time in the hearts of many family and friends. A memory that, You are who you say you are. A memory that grace really does change a heart. A memory of someone who was Jesus to the least of us.
What a legacy to leave to your family. When I am just a memory will people say I honored my vows to Brett? Will my kids say we always knew Mom was devoted to our Dad? Will people say I wanted to make sure Janet was praying for me? Those things don't just happen. They require action on our part. They require a relationship that is intertwined with a God who changes hearts. They require a life that is changed by grace.
What will your legacy be? What will people say when you are only just a memory? It's never too late!!
Matthew 6: 19-21 "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal. Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."
Sunday, July 26, 2015
What I have learned in 35 years of marriage.
35 YEARS, YES 35 YEARS, it does not seem possible. It does not seem like it was 35 years ago on this day at 7:00 PM, at Calvary Baptist Church, in Effingham. I stood beside Brett Allan Sapp and became his wife.
I was 18, with stars in my eyes, and no idea what lie in store. On that day, I could not have known or imagined what the future held for me, but I know that 35 years later I would do it all over again.
Waking up to this man 12,775 mornings (give or take a hundred)
2 amazing kids later
15 jobs later
6 states and I don't know how many addresses later
10 + cars later
????? miles traveled together
???? laughs
???? tears (though I know the laughs have out numbered the tears, because my favorite thing about him is that he makes me laugh every day)
I could paint a rosy picture and say it has been perfect, but if you are married you would know that is a lie. Our life has been filled with blessings too numerous to count and I thank God for those. But, it has been a marriage of two selfish, sinful people, so there have been hurts, disappointments, arguments, name calling, hateful words, and heartaches.
Only by the grace of God at some point we got it together and made the choice to put Christ at the center. Without him there, like so many marriages, I am sure ours would have failed.
With 35 years of marriage, comes some wisdom, so here are the top 10 things I have learned about marriage.
10. Learn your spouses love language and speak it often.
9. When you are wrong, say you are sorry. When your feelings are hurt, be specific about why.
8. Your children are "renters" one day they will be gone, and it will be you two, make your spouse priority.
7. Learn to laugh at yourself, and laugh together often.
6. Do not expect your spouse to be able to read your mind. If you do you are setting them up for failure.
5. Do not put unrealistic expectations on your spouse.and never threaten divorce.
4. Learn to ask for help, and then accept your spouse may do it differently, but it might be even better than your way. ( I now hang up jeans the way Brett hangs them)
3. Wives, if you step out of the way and let your husband lead you might find out he is really smart.
2. An encouraging word from you is 10 times greater than one from anyone else.
1. Your marriage should be a threesome. God, your spouse, and you, in that order.
Genesis 2:24 "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."
Thank You Brett Allan for an amazing 35 years, thank you for making me laugh every day. I can not wait to do the next 35 with you. I LOVE YOU!!
I was 18, with stars in my eyes, and no idea what lie in store. On that day, I could not have known or imagined what the future held for me, but I know that 35 years later I would do it all over again.
Waking up to this man 12,775 mornings (give or take a hundred)
2 amazing kids later
15 jobs later
6 states and I don't know how many addresses later
10 + cars later
????? miles traveled together
???? laughs
???? tears (though I know the laughs have out numbered the tears, because my favorite thing about him is that he makes me laugh every day)
I could paint a rosy picture and say it has been perfect, but if you are married you would know that is a lie. Our life has been filled with blessings too numerous to count and I thank God for those. But, it has been a marriage of two selfish, sinful people, so there have been hurts, disappointments, arguments, name calling, hateful words, and heartaches.
Only by the grace of God at some point we got it together and made the choice to put Christ at the center. Without him there, like so many marriages, I am sure ours would have failed.
With 35 years of marriage, comes some wisdom, so here are the top 10 things I have learned about marriage.
10. Learn your spouses love language and speak it often.
9. When you are wrong, say you are sorry. When your feelings are hurt, be specific about why.
8. Your children are "renters" one day they will be gone, and it will be you two, make your spouse priority.
7. Learn to laugh at yourself, and laugh together often.
6. Do not expect your spouse to be able to read your mind. If you do you are setting them up for failure.
5. Do not put unrealistic expectations on your spouse.and never threaten divorce.
4. Learn to ask for help, and then accept your spouse may do it differently, but it might be even better than your way. ( I now hang up jeans the way Brett hangs them)
3. Wives, if you step out of the way and let your husband lead you might find out he is really smart.
2. An encouraging word from you is 10 times greater than one from anyone else.
1. Your marriage should be a threesome. God, your spouse, and you, in that order.
Genesis 2:24 "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."
Thank You Brett Allan for an amazing 35 years, thank you for making me laugh every day. I can not wait to do the next 35 with you. I LOVE YOU!!
Monday, July 20, 2015
Brett was right.
Apparently, as much as I hate to admit it, Brett was right. While I might hate admitting that, it is a whole post all on its own for another day. But for this post, for today, I will say it again. Brett was right.
When we first started walking together my toes were killing me. Brett told me it was because my shoes were too tight and I needed new ones and I needed good ones. I had ones that I paid a decent amount for and I was sure they would be OK.
My toes did stop hurting after a few weeks, but then I noticed a couple of weeks after that, one of my big toe nails was turning colors.
So I started researching it. Guess what. If you run or walk a lot apparently there is this issue called purple or black toe.
And take a stab at what causes it. A few things apparently. One being that your shoes might be too small. When you walk your toes will swell kind of like your fingers do. If there isn't sufficient space at the end of your shoe your toe will bump it. Another contributor is people who tend to grip with their toes when they walk. I wear flip flops 6 or 7 months out of the year. Of course I am a toe gripper. Cheap shoes were another culprit. All the sites I researched recommend that you get shoes that are 1/2 or full size above what you normally wear.
The end result, there is a good chance I will probably lose that toe nail. It doesn't seem to be a problem, the other one is usually grown most of the way back before the old one falls off. And it appears there will be no reason I can't continue to walk through the process.
God uses the strangest things in my life to correspond with spiritual issues.
As I was thinking about this, I thought, that is kind of the way my walk with God goes sometimes.
Sometimes I tend to cram as much as I can into what I am doing. Kind of like my toes crammed into the nose of that shoe. When I do that, when I over book, when I over extend, when I over commit, things start to swell kind of like my toes do. Suddenly there is no room for God. The things I might be doing are not necessarily bad. They can all be good things there just isn't room for everything.
When that happens my heart tends to start to look like that toe nail. Bruised and black and purple.
I also sometimes tend to want to grip my life just like my toes grip to hold on to that shoe. I hold tight to things I don't want to let go of. That might be sin or it might even be good things. Parts of my life that I don't want to give up to God. Parts that I am sure I don't need to bother him with. Parts that I am sure I can handle on my own. Either way, anything that I am holding on to is sure to turn my heart purple just like that toe nail.
Do expensive shoes really matter? Do the best really make a difference?
I know that Jesus gave the best he had in purchasing my life. He gave his one and only Son. The one most precious and dear to him.
So, I did break down this weekend and purchase new shoes. I got a size bigger than my normal size and I didn't check price tags (well not too close anyway). I just tried them on and went with what felt the best.
Result - I told Brett to be prepared to double our walking time. They really did feel great.
Psalm 139:16 "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
God already has allowed time for me to accomplish everything he set out for me to complete. If my life is feeling crammed I have probably placed things there that don't belong.
When we first started walking together my toes were killing me. Brett told me it was because my shoes were too tight and I needed new ones and I needed good ones. I had ones that I paid a decent amount for and I was sure they would be OK.
My toes did stop hurting after a few weeks, but then I noticed a couple of weeks after that, one of my big toe nails was turning colors.
So I started researching it. Guess what. If you run or walk a lot apparently there is this issue called purple or black toe.
And take a stab at what causes it. A few things apparently. One being that your shoes might be too small. When you walk your toes will swell kind of like your fingers do. If there isn't sufficient space at the end of your shoe your toe will bump it. Another contributor is people who tend to grip with their toes when they walk. I wear flip flops 6 or 7 months out of the year. Of course I am a toe gripper. Cheap shoes were another culprit. All the sites I researched recommend that you get shoes that are 1/2 or full size above what you normally wear.
The end result, there is a good chance I will probably lose that toe nail. It doesn't seem to be a problem, the other one is usually grown most of the way back before the old one falls off. And it appears there will be no reason I can't continue to walk through the process.
God uses the strangest things in my life to correspond with spiritual issues.
As I was thinking about this, I thought, that is kind of the way my walk with God goes sometimes.
Sometimes I tend to cram as much as I can into what I am doing. Kind of like my toes crammed into the nose of that shoe. When I do that, when I over book, when I over extend, when I over commit, things start to swell kind of like my toes do. Suddenly there is no room for God. The things I might be doing are not necessarily bad. They can all be good things there just isn't room for everything.
When that happens my heart tends to start to look like that toe nail. Bruised and black and purple.
I also sometimes tend to want to grip my life just like my toes grip to hold on to that shoe. I hold tight to things I don't want to let go of. That might be sin or it might even be good things. Parts of my life that I don't want to give up to God. Parts that I am sure I don't need to bother him with. Parts that I am sure I can handle on my own. Either way, anything that I am holding on to is sure to turn my heart purple just like that toe nail.
Do expensive shoes really matter? Do the best really make a difference?
I know that Jesus gave the best he had in purchasing my life. He gave his one and only Son. The one most precious and dear to him.
So, I did break down this weekend and purchase new shoes. I got a size bigger than my normal size and I didn't check price tags (well not too close anyway). I just tried them on and went with what felt the best.
Result - I told Brett to be prepared to double our walking time. They really did feel great.
Psalm 139:16 "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
God already has allowed time for me to accomplish everything he set out for me to complete. If my life is feeling crammed I have probably placed things there that don't belong.
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