After two years of being a part of Celebrate Recovery, I was able to determine that trust is something I have an issue with. I was able to see that stuffing my feelings, trying to control everything in my life, and being a people pleaser, stemmed from lack of trust. Trust in others and trust in myself. I also realized that when you have a problem trusting others, usually that over flows into your christian walk and your trust in God.
But once you realize your issues you are able to start working on them, turning them over to God and turning them around. God stretched that trust for me just a little this week.
Last Sunday I was sitting in church, and just about the time Robbey started to preach I could hear sleet or really hard rain on the metal roof of our church. It was really loud and distracting for everyone, but particularly for me. The youth were coming back from Dare To Share in St. Louis. The weather had been bad since they left that morning in fact, it was so bad, that they decided to leave earlier than planned. Now I didn't have any youth in that group. However, all four of my grown children (my kids and their spouses) were on that bus as leaders.
I was most distracted because my son Chris was driving the church bus(regulation school bus). He had just gotten his CDL license and this was his first trip. Now don't get me wrong, he is a very responsible and careful driver. However, driving a bus load of youth in a winter storm is a big responsibility.
Needless to say, I didn't really hear anything Robbey preached that morning (sorry Robbey, I am sure it was a good message). My mind was busy bouncing back and forth between praying and worrying. Kind of an oxymoron the two are not really suppose to go together.
When we got to the worship part of the service at the end, we sang Hillsong United's "Cornerstone". God began to speak to my heart through those words. Through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all. I rest on His unchanging grace. My anchor holds. In that still small voice God said, "do you not trust me? If something happen and that bus wrecked, and something happen to all four of your kids, would I still be your God? Would you still worship me? Would you still trust me?"
I didn't want to flippantly just say yes? I thought about it through the rest of that song and through the next song. And finally I said "God I am praying that bus makes it back safe, but if it doesn't, You would still be my God, I would still love you, I would still worship you." If you know me at all you know that was a big step of trust for me to voice.
Let me say there was no one happier to see that bus pull in the parking lot than me. And as each of my four kids came in that door I gave them a tight hug.
Is God calling you to some area of trust this week?
Proverbs 3: 5-6 "Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."
Chris good job, proud of you!!!!!
Thanks for reading.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
Monday, February 25, 2013
Jack's Heritage/ Happy 80th Birthday
This weekend Brett and I went to Springfield, MO to celebrate my Father-in-laws 80th birthday. Great weekend. First because I got to spend 11 hours traveling in the car with Brett. There was a day when I would have said let me fly anywhere I have to go. I still like to fly, but lately road trips in the car with Brett have become one of my favorite things, because they are full of laughter.
One of the things I have always loved about Brett is the fact that he can make me smile and make me laugh. No matter how angry, mad, or sad I might be he can always say or do something to make me smile. I know that sounds simplistic, but it really isn't. It is really about balancing me. No matter what is going on he can take that structured, disciplined, anal retentive, part of me and make me crack. That's what I love, that he takes that part of me and balances it out with that carefree, you can't change it, make the most of it part of him.
I realized this weekend in hanging out with Brett, his siblings, sister in law, his Dad, and his wife Martha where it comes from. It comes from Jack and I will be forever grateful for that.
When you hang out with the Sapp clan you better bring your "A" game of wit, word games, and play on words. Your best one liners and snappy retorts. That is just to keep up with the conversation, if you want to participate you better bring your "major league" game. If you know the Sapp's you appreciate the baseball reference there. Go Cubs - this is our year.
Even with some health issues Jack was still able to keep up with them this weekend. That's when I realized it comes from him. When he apologized for not being more entertaining. Jack has always been full of stories, interesting comments, and one liners. He spent his career in radio, so he is the ultimate entertainer, and I have always enjoyed listening to him.
While Jack went to rest for awhile Sunday, I sat in the living room with all of his kids. I listened to them.. They are all so quick. They come back without ever missing a beat. They bounce one liners and words off each other so fast it is like watching a tennis match. And they are all ultimate story tellers. You laugh until your sides hurt.
As I sat there I thought, and I realized, that it isn't just Jack's four kids. I thought about his family, and realized that this gift also trickles down to his grand kids. Our kids and their cousins. When you get this whole group together your head is spinning trying to keep up. These kids are all ultimate story tellers, all quick witted, with a great sense of humor. They are all entertainers. What a great legacy to leave in your kids and grand kids. What a great gift to pass down from generation to generation.
As you celebrate your actual 80th birthday today Jack here is my favorite Jack Sapp memory.
One of the best memories I have of Jack is from our wedding rehearsal. We were at the church for practice. I had only met Jack a few times, because he lived in Chicago. I didn't know him real well. We were all in some "discussion" I don't even remember regarding what. Something as simple as which aisle we should enter. The church didn't have a center aisle only two side aisles. So I think everyone had a different opinion on whether we should go down the left or right aisle. I remember feeling stuck in the middle, that I was going to make someone mad when I choose. Jack looked at me and said "kiddo this is your wedding, your day, you get to make the choices." I knew from that moment on I was going to like him. And I was right I not only like him, I love the honor of calling him my Father-in-law.
Happy Birthday Jack!!!!
One of the things I have always loved about Brett is the fact that he can make me smile and make me laugh. No matter how angry, mad, or sad I might be he can always say or do something to make me smile. I know that sounds simplistic, but it really isn't. It is really about balancing me. No matter what is going on he can take that structured, disciplined, anal retentive, part of me and make me crack. That's what I love, that he takes that part of me and balances it out with that carefree, you can't change it, make the most of it part of him.
I realized this weekend in hanging out with Brett, his siblings, sister in law, his Dad, and his wife Martha where it comes from. It comes from Jack and I will be forever grateful for that.
When you hang out with the Sapp clan you better bring your "A" game of wit, word games, and play on words. Your best one liners and snappy retorts. That is just to keep up with the conversation, if you want to participate you better bring your "major league" game. If you know the Sapp's you appreciate the baseball reference there. Go Cubs - this is our year.
Even with some health issues Jack was still able to keep up with them this weekend. That's when I realized it comes from him. When he apologized for not being more entertaining. Jack has always been full of stories, interesting comments, and one liners. He spent his career in radio, so he is the ultimate entertainer, and I have always enjoyed listening to him.
While Jack went to rest for awhile Sunday, I sat in the living room with all of his kids. I listened to them.. They are all so quick. They come back without ever missing a beat. They bounce one liners and words off each other so fast it is like watching a tennis match. And they are all ultimate story tellers. You laugh until your sides hurt.
As I sat there I thought, and I realized, that it isn't just Jack's four kids. I thought about his family, and realized that this gift also trickles down to his grand kids. Our kids and their cousins. When you get this whole group together your head is spinning trying to keep up. These kids are all ultimate story tellers, all quick witted, with a great sense of humor. They are all entertainers. What a great legacy to leave in your kids and grand kids. What a great gift to pass down from generation to generation.
As you celebrate your actual 80th birthday today Jack here is my favorite Jack Sapp memory.
One of the best memories I have of Jack is from our wedding rehearsal. We were at the church for practice. I had only met Jack a few times, because he lived in Chicago. I didn't know him real well. We were all in some "discussion" I don't even remember regarding what. Something as simple as which aisle we should enter. The church didn't have a center aisle only two side aisles. So I think everyone had a different opinion on whether we should go down the left or right aisle. I remember feeling stuck in the middle, that I was going to make someone mad when I choose. Jack looked at me and said "kiddo this is your wedding, your day, you get to make the choices." I knew from that moment on I was going to like him. And I was right I not only like him, I love the honor of calling him my Father-in-law.
Happy Birthday Jack!!!!
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Friends/ Unrealistic Expectations
Nicole this one is for you as promised. Ironically it involves friends and friendships. Nicole is one of my daughters best friends, has been since grade school. I promised her a new post before the end of the week.
I read the story this morning of Jonathan and David. The story of Jonathan risking his own life to find out if his father Saul was out to kill David. I read the story of their friendship, of their devotion to each other, of their bond and their pact to look out for each other and each others families. I realized that I am blessed to have a couple of those kinds of friends in my life. Women who are willing to stick their neck out for me and sometimes say, "Where are your motives on this?" "Is your heart in the right place here?" Those friends who are not afraid to call me out, who are not afraid to ask me the hard questions. Those who are not afraid to hold me accountable because they know I will do the same thing for them.
This week I text one of those friends. I hadn't sat down and talked to her in awhile, so I wasn't real sure what was going on in her life. She is one of those friends that even when we haven't connected in awhile I still know she is praying for me. So as I was praying for her on the way to work that morning, I felt God nudging me to send her a text. If you've read here before, you know I don't always respond as quick as I should. Sometimes I am like, really God I don't know, what will she think? I was like God, I don't know what she has going on right now. I don't know if this applies to anything in her life. (repent - I know) After a couple of nudges I sent the text. It simple stated "felt God nudging me to ask you if there are any unrealistic expectations you need to put aside".
At first she said "I don't really think so, she said there is one area I have been struggling about a little". Which made me feel like, well you misread that one. After texting, and emailing back and forth during the day she said, you know maybe I do need to spend some time in prayer about this one area. Ironically it was an area of service. This particular friend is very dear to my heart, because in many areas I see her as my mini-me. I see her struggle with things my younger self struggled with and I want to steer her through it. I want to help her along. One of those areas is unrealistic expectations.
We all have unrealistic expectations. We have them in others, we have them in ourselves. I have really tried lately to put aside some of those unrealistic expectations. I have stopped putting so many on myself, and I have tried to do away with some I had in others. I don't think I have to do it all anymore, and I don't think everything has to be perfect. I quit expecting that Brett should be able to read my mind. How unrealistic was that? And how unfair was that to him!
After chatting back and forth with this friend I realized there was an unrealistic expectation aspect I hadn't thought a whole lot about. The unrealistic expectations that we, in our mind think, that God has in us. I come from a very performance based, people pleasing background. I am not really sure how much of that was put on me by others, or how much I have just placed on myself. But it is there.
So I struggle with "performing for God". Don't hear me wrong. God wants us to serve, he "expects" us to serve. Pastor Robbey recently preached, God doesn't expect us to just sit back on our hands, or clap our hands and just worship, he expects us to serve.
The problem becomes when my service becomes my offering. Hosea 6:6 says "I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me, more than I want burnt offerings." God clearly states the main expectation he has for me is a relationship with him. So often I place the expectation on myself that the service, the sacrifice, the performance is what he wants. That is an unrealistic expectation that I need to put down. What about you? Are you offering up sacrifices and burnt offerings? Or are you offering up a relationship filled life that centers around the creator of relationships?
Thanks for reading!!!
I read the story this morning of Jonathan and David. The story of Jonathan risking his own life to find out if his father Saul was out to kill David. I read the story of their friendship, of their devotion to each other, of their bond and their pact to look out for each other and each others families. I realized that I am blessed to have a couple of those kinds of friends in my life. Women who are willing to stick their neck out for me and sometimes say, "Where are your motives on this?" "Is your heart in the right place here?" Those friends who are not afraid to call me out, who are not afraid to ask me the hard questions. Those who are not afraid to hold me accountable because they know I will do the same thing for them.
This week I text one of those friends. I hadn't sat down and talked to her in awhile, so I wasn't real sure what was going on in her life. She is one of those friends that even when we haven't connected in awhile I still know she is praying for me. So as I was praying for her on the way to work that morning, I felt God nudging me to send her a text. If you've read here before, you know I don't always respond as quick as I should. Sometimes I am like, really God I don't know, what will she think? I was like God, I don't know what she has going on right now. I don't know if this applies to anything in her life. (repent - I know) After a couple of nudges I sent the text. It simple stated "felt God nudging me to ask you if there are any unrealistic expectations you need to put aside".
At first she said "I don't really think so, she said there is one area I have been struggling about a little". Which made me feel like, well you misread that one. After texting, and emailing back and forth during the day she said, you know maybe I do need to spend some time in prayer about this one area. Ironically it was an area of service. This particular friend is very dear to my heart, because in many areas I see her as my mini-me. I see her struggle with things my younger self struggled with and I want to steer her through it. I want to help her along. One of those areas is unrealistic expectations.
We all have unrealistic expectations. We have them in others, we have them in ourselves. I have really tried lately to put aside some of those unrealistic expectations. I have stopped putting so many on myself, and I have tried to do away with some I had in others. I don't think I have to do it all anymore, and I don't think everything has to be perfect. I quit expecting that Brett should be able to read my mind. How unrealistic was that? And how unfair was that to him!
After chatting back and forth with this friend I realized there was an unrealistic expectation aspect I hadn't thought a whole lot about. The unrealistic expectations that we, in our mind think, that God has in us. I come from a very performance based, people pleasing background. I am not really sure how much of that was put on me by others, or how much I have just placed on myself. But it is there.
So I struggle with "performing for God". Don't hear me wrong. God wants us to serve, he "expects" us to serve. Pastor Robbey recently preached, God doesn't expect us to just sit back on our hands, or clap our hands and just worship, he expects us to serve.
The problem becomes when my service becomes my offering. Hosea 6:6 says "I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me, more than I want burnt offerings." God clearly states the main expectation he has for me is a relationship with him. So often I place the expectation on myself that the service, the sacrifice, the performance is what he wants. That is an unrealistic expectation that I need to put down. What about you? Are you offering up sacrifices and burnt offerings? Or are you offering up a relationship filled life that centers around the creator of relationships?
Thanks for reading!!!
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
HOPE
This weeks Celebrate Recovery lesson is on hope. At the beginning of the week Brett asked me the questions, "where do you find hope?" and "what is your hope in?" With the main news story this week, being the shootings at an elementary school in CT, hope was a far off concept. My hope in humanity and our society was waning. It was a fleeting thought in my already "scattered" mind. (see previous post).
But as I began to listen, and think about, and process news stories, hope began to spring.
The report of the principle and counselor who confronted the shooter. They gave their lives to try and protect their students and their school. They stood their posts and went above and beyond. The story of the young teacher, a girl herself, who had her whole life her whole future ahead. She sacrificed that, for the hope in the future of her students.
We don't know, but we can hope, that many years down the road some of those students will get the chance to stand before her in a better place, hug her and say "thanks for saving my life". Thank you, that you not only saved my life, but because of your act of selflessness, I am here today. Those news stories renewed my hope in humanity.
Then the story of the young Dad, standing before the world, less than 24 hours after his daughter was gunned down at her elementary school. Standing and sharing about his last moments with his daughter that morning before school, and then saying "my thoughts go out to the family of the shooter". That is where true hope begins, in forgiveness. In accepting that God gave me forgiveness for my sins. That on that cross Jesus died for my sins, along with the sins of that shooter, that he carried them all.
That's where my hope begins, with God's forgiveness; and hope spreads with accepting and giving forgiveness to others.
Job 8:13 The same happens to all who forget God. The hopes of the godless evaporate.
Where is your HOPE this week?
But as I began to listen, and think about, and process news stories, hope began to spring.
The report of the principle and counselor who confronted the shooter. They gave their lives to try and protect their students and their school. They stood their posts and went above and beyond. The story of the young teacher, a girl herself, who had her whole life her whole future ahead. She sacrificed that, for the hope in the future of her students.
We don't know, but we can hope, that many years down the road some of those students will get the chance to stand before her in a better place, hug her and say "thanks for saving my life". Thank you, that you not only saved my life, but because of your act of selflessness, I am here today. Those news stories renewed my hope in humanity.
Then the story of the young Dad, standing before the world, less than 24 hours after his daughter was gunned down at her elementary school. Standing and sharing about his last moments with his daughter that morning before school, and then saying "my thoughts go out to the family of the shooter". That is where true hope begins, in forgiveness. In accepting that God gave me forgiveness for my sins. That on that cross Jesus died for my sins, along with the sins of that shooter, that he carried them all.
That's where my hope begins, with God's forgiveness; and hope spreads with accepting and giving forgiveness to others.
Job 8:13 The same happens to all who forget God. The hopes of the godless evaporate.
Where is your HOPE this week?
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Scattered
I haven't blogged for awhile and part of the reason is this.
I wonder as princess Kate carries this future king or queen, do you think she ever contemplates what Mary must have felt like, carrying the King of Kings. What must it have been like for Mary? Why don't we read anything about Mary's parents in the bible? My heart has heard you say. 'Come and talk with me', and my heart responds, 'Lord I am coming'. God why isn't my response just, Lord I am here? Why do I sometimes feel like I am constantly saying, 'just this one more thing Lord, then I will sit and be still'. Progressive dinner what am I going to make? God what are you trying to teach me about prayer? Why has Robbey been teaching about it, why have I been reading a book about it, why have I listened to 4 podcast on it??? Why God? What do you hold in store for me with prayer in the New Year? I need to pick up a new prayer journal. I love to start out brand new fresh journal pages. I need to make another trip to Wal-Mart. I keep adding to my Christmas list. The weekend with Brett was so relaxing. Why is it I can't, or won't, or refuse to relax like that at home? Why am I always jumping up to do something, or start something or making a list of things to do??? Prayer really God? I haven't accomplished this thing of be still and know I am God, why would you add prayer on to it now???
This is why I haven't blogged I can't get one still logical thought in my head.
Do you ever feel like that? Like your mind is going 200 miles an hour, and you just can't stop and focus on anything? Part of it is Christmas. The rush of the season. Don't get me wrong I am a person who loves the hustle and bustle of the season. I love the excitement of decorating, and shopping, and wrapping and going, but this year is seems like my mind just can't keep up with my body. It must be that second half of life, unable to focus thing. Or at least that is my excuse for this week.
Even though I love the excitement of the season, this year my heart is feeling the jet lag of it all. And I realized it is because the busier I get, the less focused I become on my relationship with God. I know He is there, I know we are walking together, or in my case running together, but we aren't sitting down and being. I am not taking time to just "be" in the presence of my Savior and my heart misses it. And it just hit me, maybe I am catching on to some of that "just be still and know". Maybe it is time to add, not substitute, but add more focus on prayer.
Do I have it all figured out? NO. Do I have it all together? NO. But once in a while a piece does start to fall into place, once in awhile. I am learning to just be thankful for those pieces that fit. I don't have to have it all figured out Romans 11:33 says "Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God. This deep deep wisdom? It's way over our heads; we'll never figure it out." So I don't have to have it all figured out I just have to know the One who does.
Sheila Walsh said "I take great comfort, I don't have to get it all right, I don't have to have all the answers. I just have to stay really close to the shepherd, and one of these days I'll discover that it's taken me all the way home."
So, if you, like me, find yourself running in 8 different directions over the next two weeks, take comfort that you don't have to have all the answers. But you will find some peace if you stop all 8 of you at one time, breathe, and say thank you God that You do have all the answers.
Thanks for reading!
I wonder as princess Kate carries this future king or queen, do you think she ever contemplates what Mary must have felt like, carrying the King of Kings. What must it have been like for Mary? Why don't we read anything about Mary's parents in the bible? My heart has heard you say. 'Come and talk with me', and my heart responds, 'Lord I am coming'. God why isn't my response just, Lord I am here? Why do I sometimes feel like I am constantly saying, 'just this one more thing Lord, then I will sit and be still'. Progressive dinner what am I going to make? God what are you trying to teach me about prayer? Why has Robbey been teaching about it, why have I been reading a book about it, why have I listened to 4 podcast on it??? Why God? What do you hold in store for me with prayer in the New Year? I need to pick up a new prayer journal. I love to start out brand new fresh journal pages. I need to make another trip to Wal-Mart. I keep adding to my Christmas list. The weekend with Brett was so relaxing. Why is it I can't, or won't, or refuse to relax like that at home? Why am I always jumping up to do something, or start something or making a list of things to do??? Prayer really God? I haven't accomplished this thing of be still and know I am God, why would you add prayer on to it now???
This is why I haven't blogged I can't get one still logical thought in my head.
Do you ever feel like that? Like your mind is going 200 miles an hour, and you just can't stop and focus on anything? Part of it is Christmas. The rush of the season. Don't get me wrong I am a person who loves the hustle and bustle of the season. I love the excitement of decorating, and shopping, and wrapping and going, but this year is seems like my mind just can't keep up with my body. It must be that second half of life, unable to focus thing. Or at least that is my excuse for this week.
Even though I love the excitement of the season, this year my heart is feeling the jet lag of it all. And I realized it is because the busier I get, the less focused I become on my relationship with God. I know He is there, I know we are walking together, or in my case running together, but we aren't sitting down and being. I am not taking time to just "be" in the presence of my Savior and my heart misses it. And it just hit me, maybe I am catching on to some of that "just be still and know". Maybe it is time to add, not substitute, but add more focus on prayer.
Do I have it all figured out? NO. Do I have it all together? NO. But once in a while a piece does start to fall into place, once in awhile. I am learning to just be thankful for those pieces that fit. I don't have to have it all figured out Romans 11:33 says "Have you ever come on anything quite like this extravagant generosity of God. This deep deep wisdom? It's way over our heads; we'll never figure it out." So I don't have to have it all figured out I just have to know the One who does.
Sheila Walsh said "I take great comfort, I don't have to get it all right, I don't have to have all the answers. I just have to stay really close to the shepherd, and one of these days I'll discover that it's taken me all the way home."
So, if you, like me, find yourself running in 8 different directions over the next two weeks, take comfort that you don't have to have all the answers. But you will find some peace if you stop all 8 of you at one time, breathe, and say thank you God that You do have all the answers.
Thanks for reading!
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