Where does your love come from?

Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:5, "The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith."

Where does your love come from?

When I read this, my first response was to pray for a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith. Because my first reaction is usually "what can I do"?   Those are not bad things to ask for, but as I read further I kept being drawn back to this verse.  Paul's desire is that believers be filled with love from these things.

I started thinking about where my love comes from.  As a little girl, I had this misconception of where love came from.  Due to some hurts in my life I became confused about what love looked like. I convinced myself, and accepted Satan's lie, that when I was the best, when I was doing it all right, when I performed just the way someone expected, then they would love me.

Unfortunately, those misconceptions followed me into adulthood.  They really made it hard for me to grasp and accept God's grace, that God's love for me wasn't based on anything I did, but was all based on what God did for me.  That he freely, without strings attached, sent his son to die for me. That was something just beyond my grasp.

Thankfully my faith and relationship have grown over the years, and continues to grow.  So I can see how different love looks when it comes from a pure heart.  A heart whose motives are not to people please.  A heart that isn't searching for its worth in others.  Love that comes from a clear conscience, not one motivated by guilt because I didn't get it right.  Not one crippled  by shame or regret from the past.  Love from  genuine faith.  Faith that says God I still don't understand it all but I trust you.  Faith that says not my merit God, but your love alone.

When God's love fills my heart with these things, the love that pours out is totally different.  My actions and reactions are different.  I don't react from emotions, I react from faith.  The way I treat others is different.  Even the relationship I have with Christ is different.

Where does your love come from?  I hope it is a love that begins and ends in the arms of my loving heavenly Father.  

God's perfect sleeping pill

As I sat down to read my bible this morning before heading off to work it started to rain.   I finished what I was reading and  then just sat and closed my eyes and listened to the rain.

There is something so peaceful about rain falling down.  It doesn't matter what it is hitting.  It can be the trees, the window, the roof, the deck, the ground.   It instantly brings a sense of peace to your surroundings.  If my schedule had allowed I could have sat in the chair all morning and listened.  I would have eventually fallen asleep though, because for me, rain is like God's perfect sleeping pill.  

We have had a chance over the last week to experience rain here in Southern Illinois.  On Saturday I was out at the lake and there were showers off and on all afternoon.  The boat dock has a metal roof, so even though at some points the rain was coming down really hard, it still made you want to curl up under a beach towel and just listen.  It doesn't matter if the rain is hard, or gentle, if it's storming or barely a drizzle there is something soothing about the sound.

When you think about it though it must just have something to do with the sound of water.  The sound of a babbling brook, the sound of crashing waves, the rain, a water fall they are all sounds that will calm your nerves, relax your soul, and bring a sense of peace to your spirit.

Jesus has that same effect on our soul.  In the same way the sound of water flows over and calms us, so does Jesus love and mercy. Sometimes, like waves, the sound crashes over us, taking us by surprise and engulfing us completely.  At other times, like a slow drizzling rain, it gentle soaks us to the skin.  Sometimes, just like an amazing waterfall, we are struck speechless at the majesty and beauty of His grace and mercy.

In the same way, the sound of water in any form is a balm for my mood and spirit.   Jesus love, grace, and mercy are a balm for my soul.

John 7:38 says "He who believes in me, as the scriptures has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water."

Jesus is the living water, could be the connection.

Keep that in mind as we gear up for some heavy rains over the next couple of days.  

 

 

Difference between Men and Women

For the last month or so Brett and I have been walking every morning.  For anyone who doesn't know me, this is a small miracle.  Unlike my husband I am not a morning person.  So the fact that I would get up at 5:30 each morning, and enjoy being up at that time is nothing short of a God thing.

Over the last couple of days I have made an observation of our walking.  We walk like we live our lives.  My eyes are on the road in front of me.  I am watching the road for snakes, I am measuring out the next marker to walk to.  The next house, the next tree, the next curve.  Tunnel vision on what is ahead.

Brett on the other hand is all over the road.  He is checking out everything all around us.  What is in the ditch, what kind of flower is that, birds in the air.  Constantly watching for cars behind us.  He is totally aware of everything around us.  Saying hello to people out on their porches, or getting their paper.

I mentioned that on our walk this morning.  His comment was probably right on target.  He said, "if your people (meaning all A type personalities) created roads there would only be interstates from point A to point B. My people (anyone who isn't an A type) would create the side-roads, that go by mountains and streams."

My question was how do we walk together then?

I have been thinking about that today.  If our paths are so different, what keeps us walking this path that is our journey together?

I realized it is because we have both chosen to walk one road together.  That narrow road.  The one that says we both choose to put Jesus first, in our separate lives and in our relationship.  Doesn't mean we have it right all the time.  Doesn't make us above anyone else.  Doesn't mean we have arrived.  It just means as we walk that narrow road together we have each other.

There are mornings that I don't want to get out of bed and walk, and Brett says come on get up, or vice versa.  It is the same on that narrow road.  There are days one of us may say, I am not feeling it today.  We may feel down or discouraged and the other one is there saying come on get up.  Keep your eyes on the prize, on what is important.

One of my favorite parts of walking is that we pray together while we are walking.  No elaborate sonnets,  just simple sentence prayers of thanks, and requests of things we know are going on in the lives of people around us.  Just Brett and I walking along sharing our lives with our heavenly Father.  That's what the narrow road is also just Brett and I going along sharing life with our heavenly Father.

I hope you are finding your way on the narrow road.

Matthew 7:14 "But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

The cow or the squirrel.

I get the chance to see a lot of different kinds of wildlife on my to work in the mornings.  I have seen lots of deer, too often crossing in front of me.  I have seen foxes playing.  I have seen possums, snakes, (yuck), and skunks, mostly dead on the road (yuck again).  One day last week God put in my mind the strange comparison of a cow and a squirel.  I saw both on my way to work one morning.

Now these animals have some things in common.  They are both mammals, they both have tails, but beyond that their comparisons kind of stop.  I felt God posing the question to me which one of these are you most like?

The cow is very docile, very focused, very calm, content in a way.  Think about it.  The cow is usually in a fence in area.  Unless it is looking for a wild night, then I am not sure how, but they apparently can jump a fence.  I am not sure how you get enough momentum to get a cow over a fence.  I quess if one can jump over the moon then a fence is no barrier for love.  Beyond that a cow is pretty content to remain in one area.  The cow knows it's purpose.  I am to stand here, eat grass, chew my cud.  That is pretty much a cow's life.  But it seems to know that is it's life and accepts that.  It does what God created it to do.

Now squirels are a different story.  Have you ever had a squirel run in front of your car?  You slow down and breathe a sigh of relief when it runs to the other side of the road.  Only to have it change it's mind and dart right back under your car.  Squirels are like a Junior high girl.  They are flighty, all over the place, and usually chasing something.  They are fun to watch because they are unpredictable.  You never know which way they are going to run.  But they to are doing what God called them to do.  They run about, busy, storing up food for winter.

So which one am I most of the time?  Not really sure, and not really sure what God was trying to show me.  I think it was a lesson in being content where you are.  That sometimes my life will look like a squirels.  It will be full, and jumbled, and I may feel like I am dashing in front of cars all day long, but I need to keep my eyes on his purpose.  At other times my life may be calm like the cow.  That my focus then is to stop, mull it over, and chew the cud.  No matter which animal my life may resemble.  I need to be doing what God called me to do in that moment, in that season.  And I need to be content doing it.

Matt 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life...."

Are you a squirel or cow today?

Hide and Seek, 18, 19, 20 here I come.

I am in a ladies bible study on a great book called "Grace for the good girl - letting go of the try-hard life" by Emily P. Freeman.  This is my second time  reading through this book.  I am loving the group of ladies  going through this study.  As women it seems a lot of us struggle with the try hard, then try even harder life.  It would also appear we struggle even harder with letting it go.

In the first chapter the author raises the question, that being found is the best part of hiding.  I have been thinking about that question since chapter 1 and we are now in chapter 10 and I am still rolling that question around in my head.  Because in true "try-hard" fashion, I believe the best part is finding the best hiding place.

But while I have been contemplating this question I have been observing Lily.  While we are in transition between workers for the kids on Friday nights, I have been filling that position.  When Lily who is 2 or 3 is back there with me she likes to play hide and seek.  Lily's hide and seek is quite unique.  I will hide my eyes and count to 20.  I have barely turned around, and Lily will jump out of her hiding spot and with a big grin on her face she yells, "here I am".

I have been trying to teach Lily that the point of the game is to stay hid until I find her.  However, for Lily being found is the best part of hiding.  Maybe Lily has actually been teaching me.

As I get further in this book, I realize that is what I want.  I want to be found.  I want to give up those masks that I hide behind.  Those masks of expectations, reputation, rule follower, responsibility, guilt, shame.  You know what they are we all wear them.

I want to jump out excited and say here I am God.  Like Lily I want to be found instead of hiding.  I want to say here I am God, with all my rough edges, not finished, don't have it right yet. But here I am, with excited and child-like enthusiasm just to be found.

How about you, what is the best part of hide and seek for you?

You are not under law, but under grace.  Romans 6:14