I have been on hold this week with a case of vertigo. Which is totally unusual for me. I have been very blessed to have great health. Which also means I am one of those people who never goes to the doctor. Bad I know.
I started with the dizziness on Tuesday morning and ended up in the ER by noon. My only focus, this has to be better by the end of the week because Brett and I were headed on vacation to the beach. How shallow is that? But that was really the only thing on my mind.
As the week went along and I still wasn't able to stand without stumbling around it became apparent we were not heading south.
I was upset by this. I felt cheated. I mean we work hard all year long it seemed only "fair" that we were able to take a week and enjoy some down time. I felt like I was being "denied" something that belonged to me. Seeing it in writing looks even worse than it sounded in my head. But, those were my thoughts. As shallow as they are they are honest.
Today I got in for a Dr's appointment and they sent me for an MRI. Kudos to Dr. Brown's office. Since I hadn't been to the doctor for 4 or 5 years my office considered me a new patient and couldn't get me in till next week. Dr, Brown's office worked me in and they were all great. So a big thanks to them.
But, as I was sitting by Brett waiting to go back for the MRI a lot of thoughts started running through my head. I sat there thinking hundreds of people sit in these chairs each month. People like me going about their lives with everything running smooth. Just like me they are sitting here thinking this is just a precaution to rule out anything major.
Then I realized for some of those hundreds of people their lives change in an instant. One word changes their life forever. I sat their thinking what if I am sitting here before going in and my biggest concern this week is it isn't fair if I don't get to go on vacation? What if I am sitting here with Brett and this is the last "normal" conversation we have?
If I walk through those doors and my normal mundane live changes? God would I still honor you? Would my actions glorify you with trust no matter the outcome? For one minute I wanted to get up and walk out. Going along not knowing was better than the alternative. Then the woman walked out and said are you ready?
I went back for the MRI and spent that 30 minutes thanking God for the blessings he so richly and abundantly pours over my life. The 30 minutes was not nearly enough time I didn't even get half way through.
Thankfully my tests results came back normal. I still have the dizziness and can't walk straight but it is improving. When I first started having the dizziness I told Brett I would do better if this were pain I am pretty good at mind over mattering pain, but I can't mind over matter this. Pretty sure that's why the room is spinning God knows I can't stop that on my own. He gives us things out of our control so we will count on Him.
So, Brett and I are not headed to the beach but God knew that, because for the first time ever we bought travelers insurance so a full refund on our reservation. But, Brett and I are also not headed down a journey of unspeakable life change. Thank you God for your mercy and grace everyday.
Isaiah 41:13 "For I, The Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, "Fear not, I am the one who helps you."
