Christmas morning hope

Many of you are aware that my Daughter and Son-in-law are adopting.  They have completed their home study,  the mounds of paperwork, classes, back ground checks, physicals and they are now in the "waiting" phase.  Even though watching their story has been amazing, and seeing God work has been unbelievable, this was not my "ideal" way of being a Grandma. The adoption process is hard. The journey is full of heartache, hurt, disappointment, anger, frustration, a gambit of emotions along the way.

As I thought about Christmas this morning and the birth of the Savior, I thought about another Grandma.  We hear nothing of Mary's parents in the birth story.  We don't know if they were already passed, maybe they disowned her, we just don't know.  But as I think about that Grandma, I think about how un-"ideal" that situation was.  Joseph wasn't the father, people must have talked.  And the birth situation alone.  They traveled a long journey weeks before the baby was due.  There was no room for the baby.  Born in a stable with the animals and the elements.  No family to give them support.  Alone in a foreign country.  Not an "ideal" situation.

But as I think about how un-"ideal" that situation appeared.  I think about how intentional it was.  God SENT his ONE AND ONLY  precious son into that most un-"ideal" situation to fulfill prophecy.  To fulfill the promises of what was to come.  He did that for you and for me.

Yes, I am hoping for a grandchild this year.  But, my hope isn't in that baby.  My hope, my joy, and my peace, rest in the baby whose birthday we celebrate today.  On this Christmas morning I pray that is where your hope rest too.

Merry Christmas from the Sapp's!!!!

Is there a lion roaming our area?

Brett and I are still walking in the mornings even though it is pitch black outside.  It takes great effort some mornings to crawl out of bed, but it is easier since we do it together.  One of us is usually willing to kick the other out of bed.  Brett does most of the kicking, but once we get back home I am (usually) glad he did.

We have a morning route we usually take.  It goes through a subdivision and around on some pretty deserted back roads.  Sometimes we run a little and sometimes at the end Brett runs and I continue to walk. Recently on one of those mornings we reached the stop sign and Brett headed out running.  A jeep pulled up to the stop sign started to pull away and then stopped.  The guy in the jeep rolled down his window and said, "hey I just wanted to tell you something because I see you guys out here in the mornings."  Brett at this point had turned around and was coming back.  I love how he runs backwards half the time just making sure I am safe.

The guy said, "a couple of nights ago I saw a mountain lion down one of these back roads."  He said, "it wasn't like something ran in front of me and I thought maybe it could be a mountain lion. It was stopped on the road in front of me screaming for about 2 minutes, there is no doubt in my mind what it was.  You guys just need to be careful out here in the dark."

So, for about a week we did the treadmill and elliptical inside because we were a little worried.  You doubt, and you say what are the odds, but at the same time you think, wow I would hate to be attacked by one after having being warned.

But walking outside is so much more enjoyable than doing the treadmill.  And soon it will be too cold for me to be outside at 6:00 in the morning.  So, we decided to brave it, but to take some precautions. We stay in the subdivision by our house and avoid the deserted back roads.  We make sure we have our lights so we can see what is around us.  And we stay together, there is safety in numbers.

As I thought about that a verse came to mind.  1 Peter 5:8 "Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil.  He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. "

Brett and I are taking precautions for an animal we don't even know is really out there.  Yet, this verse warns us of a definite enemy that is prowling around looking for us.

What precautions can we take against this lion?  The same ones. Stay away from places that might cause us to be under attack.  Keep the light, his word, in our hearts and minds so we are prepared for anything that comes our way.  Stay in community with fellow believers - there is safety in numbers.

I don't know what lion you are trying to avoid, but be cautious. He is real and is waiting to devour.                

Judas WENT

So this week as I was reading in Matthew.  I came across a verse I am sure I  read many times.  But it was one of those where it was as if it was suddenly just put in my bible.  Like it hadn't been there before, like I had never read it.  When I know I had to have.

The verse is Matthew 26:14, " Then Judas Iscariot, one of the twelve disciples, went to the leading priests and asked, How much will you pay me to betray Jesus to you?"

Judas WENT to the religious leaders. His betrayal took on another level for me.  My heart broke at this verse for the first time.

It wasn't as if the religious leaders studied the disciples and sought Judas out as the weak link that they might be able to convince.  It wasn't as if Judas came upon a meeting of the disciples and they were able to suck him in.  Judas went to them and asked what will you give me, how can I benefit by betraying my friend, my mentor, my Lord?

It's one thing to commit murder in the heat of an argument or lose your temper, and take a life.  It's another thing to set out and plot and scheme to take someone's life.

It's one thing to commit adultery with a drunken one night stand.  It's another thing to intentionally whoa, and pursue another person when you have a spouse.

It's one thing to tell a simple lie like when a friend says, how does my new hair cut look?  It's another thing to intentionally build your life on lies.

Or is it?

I say I believe sin is sin and that I don't believe in levels of sin.  If that is what I believe then it does''t matter if intent is involved.  Truth is if I am living my life with Jesus as the center there are not levels of sin.

If my life is right with God then I should not put myself  in a situation where my anger could get that far out of hand.  I wouldn't be in a situation to be in a drunken one night stand.  If I really live my life on truth I would find a way to tell my friend I liked her hair better the other way.

Jesus was not surprised by Judas betrayal he knew it had to be done to fulfill scripture.  It didn't hurt him more that Judas went to the leaders or if the leaders had come to him.  It was betrayal either way.

I should live my life and examine my life based on what I  say I believe.  That sin is sin no matter what, that there isn't an out to explain my sin away intentional or not.  But how do we do that?

 One step, wherever you are now take the next step closer to Jesus.  Not sure how to do that?  Come visit us at Redemption Church on Sunday mornings at 10:00 AM.  Or private message me.  I would love to share.

Pro-Choice to Pro-Life

Until about 15 years ago I could have been labeled pro-choice. (Don't just shut me off and stop reading.)  Even though I was a christian there was a part of me that in certain situations believed that a woman had a right to make that choice.  In situations of rape, incest, or where there was no hope for life after the womb. Maybe there were better options.  I didn't think it would be a right decision for me, but I felt the option should be there in certain circumstances.

Fast forward to where I am now.  I don't believe abortion is ever God's plan.  I believe that every life matters, and is a gift from God, and the few women I know who have had abortions, still carry deep scars of guilt and regret.

How I got here is kind of ironic.  Infertility.

I have had contact with so many people in the last 6 to 7 years who have walked the dark, lonely path of infertility.  Women who are friends, women who have crossed my path for a short season, and women who are the closest and dearest women to my heart.  Their stories changed my view and changed my heart.

As I watched these women struggle, as my heart has broken for them.  My heart changed.  It is so hard to watch people you love deal with this struggle in their lives.  I would question God.  I would question God with anger and bitterness.  Why have you put this person in my life who can't take care of their self yet they are pregnant?  Why is this 15 year old girl pregnant when she doesn't even have anyone to take care of her?  Why is this Mom who has had 2 children taken away by the court system now pregnant again?  Why is this person who is addicted to drugs pregnant?  Why is there a pregnancy in this marriage that is falling apart?  Yet, this couple who so desperately wants a child, who love each other, and would raise it to love you are unable to conceive?  

Every time I asked those "why" questions, God answered, because I chose.  The only way I could come to terms with infertility in all these women I loved, was to accept that God is the giver of life. Sometimes God is protecting in ways we cannot even begin to understand in the moment.  Yet every time I questioned, God said to my heart, I am the giver of life.  Me alone.  You have to trust.  So, if I trust that God for what ever reason or purpose doesn't create life, then I also have to believe that each life that is created is for a reason and purpose.

I believe that.  I believe only God can create life.  I believe he has a plan and purpose for every life and it is not mine to question.  There are still times in honest emotion that I say God I just don't see this one.  I don't understand. I don't see how there can be any good in this, yet I trust that you are sovereign.

So, I do believe in pro-choice.  I just disagree on what those choices are.  I believe every woman has the right to choose or not to choose to have sex.  And I believe that every woman has the right to choose to keep her baby or choose adoption.  But, I believe only God has the right to choose life.

We don't have to look very far in The Bible to find scripture to support this.

Genesis 2:27 says "So, GOD created human beings in his own image.  In the image of God HE created them; male and female HE created them.

God alone is the giver and taker of life.

*This blog was not intended to condemn, or hurt anyone who has abortion in their past.  I could never begin to judge the decisions that someone else has had to make without walking in their shoes.  This is just a stance of where my faith has brought me.              
                

Satan holds us hostage

This past weekend was the big yard sale for the Douglas Adoption Project.  Though it was a lot of work it was worth it and it was fun. There was time to sit and chat with volunteers.  People I don't get a chance to sit with, or talk with on a regular basis so that was fun.

During one of those times when we were slow I observed something during one of our conversations.  Apparently there is one little thing Satan is able to use that hold all of us hostage.  It doesn't matter if you are young or old, male or female, big or small, black or white.  The one little thing isn't even the same little thing for everyone.  That one thing is a number.  The number on the scale.

KC was talking about weighing that morning and being depressed by the number she saw on the scale.  Everyone began to share their scale theories.  Everyone agreed weighing in the morning was the best time, preferable before your shower because clothes do add weight.

I confessed that I had even tried standing at the back of the scale and the front of the scale just to see if I could get a lower number.  Apparently I am not the only one who has tried that.  Thanks Susan for not making me feel crazy.  Chris confessed he weighs before getting in the shower because that weight is lower than after getting out.  Water hydrates you or something and can add weight.  Many of us knew that trick.  And everyone agreed wet hair weighs more than dry hair.

But as I listened to this group of various people I began to realize that most of us are consumed in some way by this number.  A simple number on a scale.

Why is that?  Why if I am feeling good one morning and I step on the scale and it is up instead of down my mood drops?  My self image didn't change simply by stepping on that scale.  My weight didn't change just by seeing the number, my attitude about the number I saw is all that changed.

My image,  my worth, who I am doesn't change with the change of the number.  It shouldn't, but for most of us it seems to have a big impact.  Satan uses that little number to make me doubt my worth, make me doubt if people will like me, make me doubt what I am capable of doing or being.

Romans 12:1 "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship."

My body is a gift from God, no matter what the number on the scale says.  I am to present it as a living sacrifice.  And it is holy and acceptable to God. It isn't acceptable because of the number the scale says.  It is acceptable to God because He purchased it with His Son's blood.  The cost far outweighs the number on the scale.  So, lets agree to not let Satan hold us hostage to a tiny thing like a number on a scale.

I DO SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF

I was talking to a friend the other day. She asked me if we had any leads on our house selling yet.  I said no, and I was OK with that right now.  I realized there is a lot going on the rest of this month and I would be freaking out if I were in the middle of looking for a house right now.

I said I am really OK with the house right now.  That I was at peace with it.  That if it was going to sell it would, and it would sell on God's time.  And if it doesn't sell than I am convinced that meant we weren't suppose to sell and God would provide.

She said what a good place to be.  At peace.

It is.  There are not a lot of areas that I am at peace on, but I am at peace on our house selling and I am at peace with Will and Brittany's adoption.  I am at peace that no matter what happens in the upcoming election God is still on the throne and in control.

So, it isn't the big stuff that gets me.  The major adjustments and events in life don't usually knock me down.

But, I do sweat the small stuff.  When little things fall apart.  Like when the schedule at work is set and a driver can't run that makes me lose it.  Or if I have to change my plan, that makes me lose it.  When I think I have things under control and something upsets my apple cart, that stresses me out.

I thought about this for a little while and I know what it is.  The big things are out of my control.  I know that and accept that so I am comfortable turning those over to God and finding peace in the fact that He is in control.

It's those small things like schedules, and plans, and people, and ministry, and controllable things that throw me for a loop.  Why?  Simple - I can depend on myself for those things.  I can depend on my own abilities to make sure they work out.

In the small things I depend on me and not on God, because I feel like I can control it, I feel like I can do it myself.  Just like a small child as they start to stretch their independence.  "I can do it by myself."  But that is not what God intends even in the day to day simple things.

Proverbs 16:9 says "The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps".  My old inside self wants to plan everything, to have everything in it's spot where I think it belongs and how it goes.  However, all my planning in the world isn't going to change the path God has already set in place in my life.  God establishes my steps, the giant steps and the baby steps.  I just need to put one foot in front of the other and let him lead the way.  

Do you sweat the small stuff??

Gulping in Grace

Finally the weather is cooler, the humidity is not so bad. Fall is on its way and I love it.  Early morning walks are in the dark but at least more enjoyable.

I have talked often on here about how I am not a runner.  I want to be.  I want to love it.  I want to be able to just walk out the door and take off running.  (That is another post all together about training and what you have to put into something that you really want.)

But, since it has been nicer and cooler and bearable outside I am trying to add more running, jogging really, to our morning walks.  So, this morning we started out jogging.  And it felt good.  I have learned I can do better on my breathing if I have a song in my head to concentrate on.  This morning that song was the simple lyrics from Matt Redman's song "Your Grace Finds Me".  The lyrics, "so, I'm breathing in your grace, and I'm breathing out your praise."  They fit well with simple breathing in air and breathing out air.  

They were working great.  Then I suddenly realized I had reached that point where I wasn't really breathing anymore I was gulping for air.  And it hit me sometimes that is how my walk with God is I am gulping for grace.  When things suddenly aren't going the way I had planned them out.  When the same thing sets off those feelings of bitterness, envy, or jealousy again for the umpteenth time.  When I let my reactions and emotions take over and I am no longer breathing out praise. Instead I am holding in grace just like holding my breathe when I jog.

But the solution for both is the same thing.  When I am jogging and find myself gulping for breathe, I go back to walking again until my breathing is back in a normal rhythm. Then I can pick up and start jogging again.

When my old self takes over I need to stop running, slow down, breathe, be thankful, think about the amazing creator who creates everything around me.  Think about the God who loves me, the one who sent his only son to die for me.   When I do that then once again I begin to breathe in his grace and breathe out his praise.

Are you gulping or breathing today?

   

As I read in Colossians this morning, I camped out on the following verse. Colossians 1:11 "We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need.  May you be filled with joy, always thanking the Father."

Paul knew this path would be trying.  He knew from experience that these people, these fellow believers in Christ would need endurance and patience.  He prayed those things for them.  What a great thing to pray for our family and friends, endurance, patience and joy.

As I read that verse this morning I sat and mediated on it a while.  I sat in my living room with the washer, dryer, and dishwasher all running and two dogs barking.  I remember thinking there is nothing quiet about this moment.  And God spoke to my heart and said the quiet isn't about the noise or lack of.  (Though sometimes that does make it easier.)  The quiet and stillness are about the condition of your heart.

Is your mind already running in circles?  Are you already stressed about the day?  Are you already making list in your head of what needs done today, this week?  Are you anxious, are you worried?  If so, no lack of noise is going to change that.  You have to find the quiet within, in the deepest parts of your soul.

I continued to think about that on my way to work.  I said God that quiet is easy to find here in my car, all alone, listening to christian music and talking to you.  But what about when I get to work?  When a phone call comes in with an issue I have to deal with.  When a driver doesn't like a run he is on.  When I brush up against other people and things don't go as planned.  When someone says something that I don't like or that hurts my feelings.

God said remember when Brittany and Chris were little and you would lay out their clothes for the next day?  How it made life easier because you didn't have to deal with those decisions in the morning?  God said I have already laid out your plan for the day.  Nothing is going to take me by surprise.  I already know what is going to happen, I have already laid out the day.  There is no reason for you to worry or stress.

My next thought was, what will I do all day with that time I would have spend worrying and stressing?  God said what I created you to do.  Worship and praise me.  Spend time listening to others.  Take time to notice others, to stop and give a smile, to be kind and grant grace to those around me.

I never thought about how much wasted time I spend each day worrying and stressing about things I really can't change or  have no control over.  Francis Chan in his book "Crazy Love" says worry and stress reek of arrogance.  What a true and convicting statement.

My goal this week to find the quiet.  Not the lack of noise quiet, but the quiet that comes from a life that not only says God I know you have this, but a life that lives that out.

"I QUIT" From The Mouth of Babes

First of all, I have to describe DJ to you.  He is about 3 feet tall, cute as a button, full of energy, the most expressive facial expressions I've ever seen, and a genius in my eyes.  Oh, and did I mention he is 4 years old, (I think).  Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I passed him and his Mom in the aisle at church.  I asked "DJ how is it going?" He replied, "I quit church!" His Mom explained that he had not gotten his way, and his response to that was that he was going to quit church.

I said "DJ, you don't want to be a quitter do you?"  He said "No but I still quit."

I laughed because DJ almost always makes me laugh.

But DJ's response has stuck with me over the last couple of weeks.  Different people have expressed that they were quitting things in their lives and I thought of DJ.

DJ's response was no different than most adults response.  When something doesn't go our way, when we are not happy with an outcome, when things get too hard, we simply decide to quit.  We quit on dieting, we quit on exercise, we quit jobs, we quit marriages, we quit ministry.   And even as adults like DJ we quit church.

But quitting is not what God calls us to do.  There are many verses in the bible that talk about not quitting.

    Colossians 1:11 "Being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you 
    may have great endurance and patience."

   Galations 6:9 "Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a 
   harvest if we do not give up."

   James 1:12 "Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial."

God knew this life would be hard, that's why there are verses to encourage us not to give up.  

Think about it. I am sure there were times Jesus wanted to give up.  When the people were pushing in, the crowds kept coming, he was tired and hungry, but he didn't quit.  When the disciples spent years with him and still didn't get it, he didn't quit on them.  

Most important, the hardest trial in his life, the cross.  He didn't give up. He didn't quit. Even though he could have.  He saw it through, and because he did, you and I have the promise of eternal life.

What is it that you are contemplating giving up on right now?  Your job, your spouse, your health, your sobriety?  Don't do it! Don't give up!  Don't be a quitter!  

36 reasons I love my Husband

Mr and Mrs. Brett Sapp

36 years of marriage, and 8 years of  friendship before that.  Brett entered my life when I was 10 years old. I could never have imagined when I first met this blond haired, dark eyed boy, that  years later I would have spent most of my life with him.   But I have and it has been an amazing ride.  So, to commemorate those 36 years I am listing 36 of the top things I love about this man.

1.   That he makes me laugh every day.  Even when I don't want to.
2.   That he still has those beautiful dark eyes, that I feel  can see into my soul.
3.   That he is an amazing Dad.
4.   That he still says "hold me"
5.   That he is a man of integrity.
6.   That his hair is now salt and pepper.
7.   That he has great calf muscles.
8.   That he has a servants heart.
9.   That he loves the beach as much as I do.
10. That he knows how to say I am sorry.
11.  The laugh lines around his eyes.
12.  That he still thinks farting is funny.
13.  That he is a hard worker.
14.  That little kids, dogs and old ladies love him.
15.  That he sings in the bathroom in the mornings when he is getting ready.
16.  That he takes forever to brush his teeth.
17.  That he is a great leader.
18.  His passion for celebrate recovery.
19.  When he reaches for my hand in the car.
20.  Vacation Brett.
21.  The way he looks in a baseball cap.
22.  Sleeping next to him.
23.  The way he always tries to second guess what I want when we are making a decision.
24.  That his glass is always half full.
25.  That he is a cubs fan, so I know he will never give up on me.
26.  His smile.
27.  His obsession with making sure the yard is mowed.
28.  That he loves his Mamma.
29.  His desire to please God.
30.  His love of chips and ice cream, not together.
31.  The sound of my name on his lips.
32.  That he never says anything about how much money I spend or how much I shop.
33.  That he gets me a tea every Sunday morning on his way to church.
34.  That he is a very generous and giving person.
35.  The way he swings his arms when he walks.
36.  That he has made the last 36 years an amazing journey!!!!

Brett - Thank You for the young man you were 36 years ago on this day.  Even more thank you for letting God transform you into the amazing man and husband you are today.  I cannot wait to see what the next 36 years holds for us.  Love you to Pluto and back (because it is farther than the moon).  

1 Peter 4:8 "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins."

Bed Bugs - Yikes

Recently Brett and 4 of his leaders had the chance to attend the Celebrate Recovery Summit in Tennessee.  This is an annual training event to meet with thousands of other celebrate recovery leaders. A chance to share ideas, get recharged, hear great speakers, listen to a great band.  They all came back charged up with new ideas to take them into the next year.

Brett actually had a very new experience this year.  He encountered bed bugs at his hotel the first night.  The hotel was quick to move him to another room and give him instructions on how to get rid of them.  Needless to say I was not excited about the thought of him bringing any of his new "friends" home with him.

When he arrived home I did all but make him strip down on the front porch and throw away all of his clothes.  I wanted to do that, but didn't know if the neighbor's would think it was such a good idea.  He did immediately throw all of his clothes in the washer and put his suitcase on the deck for 3 days. Thank goodness for the 90+ degree weather.

While reading up on bed bugs I found some similarities between bed bugs and Satan.  Imagine that.

First, apparently bed bugs do not like the light and will disappear if you turn the lights on.  Think about it.  Satan hates the light.  When we shine the light of God's word on our lives, with the truth Satan takes off running.

Second, according to Brett you don't feel bed bugs biting during the night.  You only discover they were there the next morning when you break out with itching bites all over you.  Satan is also sly that way.  He bites with a lie, you might not notice the first bite but then you can't leave it alone.  It continues to itch and fester till you scratch it.  Leaving a sore and maybe a scar.

For me that can look a number of ways.

The lie - because some lady at a baseball game when I was 12 thought I was a boy I now look in the mirror and a lot of times don't like what I see.

The lie - jealousy - I want her life, I want her talent, that should be mine, why doesn't God give me what I want?

The lie - Finding my self worth in the things I do, or what people think of me.

You have to treat to get rid of bed bugs, we have to treat to get rid of Satan.

First step you have to remove the bed bugs.  You have to strip everything away and spray for them.  Same way with Satan you first have to strip everything away, admit you are a sinner and turn to Jesus.

Then you have to treat the bites.  You have to put some type of cream or salve on them.  Same way with the lies.

The lie of how I look - God says I created you, and you are beautiful to me.

The lie of jealousy - God says I have a purpose and a plan for your life that I have for no one else.

The lie of self worth - God says you are mine and I sent my Son to die for you.  Your worth is found in ME and ME alone.

Bed bugs are a horrible, crawling thing that scatter when the light comes on.  Satan is a horrible, crawling thing that scatters when we shed the light of truth from God's word on our lives.

Live in the light and you avoid the bed bugs.  Live in the light and you avoid Satan's lies.

Ephesians 5: 8-9 "for you were formerly darkness, but now you are light in the Lord; walk as children   of the light - for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness and righteousness and truth."

Needless to say "Don't let the bed bugs bite" has new meaning at our house.

Same cliff different oceans

Recently something happen that made me feel like I was on a cliff, standing by myself.  I felt like I had been left completely alone.  That everyone else had moved on and I had gotten left behind.  I think we all have those times.  Times where we are standing on a ledge, alone, looking out over something.  Kind of like when you are looking out over the ocean.  The view can be beautiful if you stay focused on the horizon. But when we take our eyes off the horizon and look down we see sharp rocks and treacherous terrain.

I think at some point in our lives we all stand on that cliff.  The cliff is the same, but the ocean and the rocks below are different.  The cliff is loneliness, desolation, deep despair.  It is that point where we feel alone, where we believe no one else can understand how we feel.  That no one else has stood where we are, or has ever been there before.

Even though the cliff is the same the rocks below change.  It may be that you are the last of your circle to marry.  It may be that you have experienced a miscarriage or lost a child.  It may be depression. It may be infertility.  It may be divorce. It may be dealing with a child who has lost their way. It may be the loss of a spouse.  It may be dealing with aging parents.  It may be unknown constant pain.  It may be the guilt of abortion.  It is something that makes you feel as if no one else has experienced what you are going through.  Isolation.

It can be a lonely place.  A place you don't want to be, and a place you don't really want anyone to know you are.  Because it feels so selfish.  It feels so internal.  It feels so deep, and gut wrenching at the bottom of your core.

At that cliffs edge you make a choice.  You make a choice to focus on the rocks below or lift your eyes and concentrate on the horizon.  The rocks are always the easiest choice because your head is probably already down.  To seek the horizon takes effort, you have to physically lift your head up and lift your eyes.

But that is where God meets us.  When we look up.  When we seek his face.  When we say I can't do this alone.  When we allow him to, God fills that space of isolation.  But first we have to look up.

Psalm 123:1 "I LIFT MY EYES TO YOU, O GOD, ENTHRONED IN HEAVEN"

Yearly Review

One thing about working for your family is that there are no yearly reviews.  A part of me misses them, because lets face it, they are a form of validation.  If your love language is words of encouragement and your a people pleaser a review is validation.

I do remember yearly reviews at Edward Jones though.  I worked at a call center in their insurance services department.  If you have ever worked at a call center you know that your main goal is to answer as many calls as kindly, and efficiently as possible.  At some point you reach your max, you can only do so many in a matter of time.

As I was reading in Ephesians this morning I was reminded of reviews.  As I read Ephesians 1:14 the last half of the verse says "he purchased us to be his own people.  He did this so we would praise  and glorify him."  Praise and glorify HIM.  God's plan has always been for us to praise and glorify him. That's my job here on earth.  Like the number of calls at Jones that is my one goal, praise and glorify the father.  I wondered how does my yearly review look?  How does yours look?

After being on the call center for a few years at Jones I became a team leader.  For me doing reviews on other people was not as enjoyable as being the one reviewed.  It was important to balance out positive and negative feed back for people and give both in a positive manner.  To not just focus on what they needed to improve on.

But you know what else we read in Ephesians?  Ephesians 1:4 "Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes."  That blows my mind, because that people pleaser in me struggles with God's review of me.  That he sees me holy and without fault.  But he doesn't see me that way because of me or anything that I have done or not done. He doesn't see me that way because I do such a good job at praising and glorifying him (because I fall short so often).  He sees me that way because of his Son Jesus.  It's like Jesus steps in that review, stands in front of me and blocks all the bad things so God doesn't see them.  My pride, my anger, my selfishness, my bad mood, those darkest things in my heart, and thoughts in my head that I want no one else to see.   When I become his child, Jesus blocks all those and God, the creator of the universe, the CEO of the world sees me as a perfect employee.

Thank you God for sending your son to stand in my place.

The Circle of Love

Thanks to the movie "The Lion King", we are all familiar with the circle of life.  But are you also familiar with the circle of Love?

My earliest memories of the circle of love are from my Grandma Hank's house.  When I was growing up I would get to go to my Grandma's house when my Dad or my Aunt came in.  Since they lived out of town when they would visit everyone would come to my Grandma's to see them.  There would be aunts, uncles, cousins and friends who would just stop by my Grandma's house.  After supper (which was always the best fried chicken and gravy in the world), everyone would gather in the living room.  Everyone would be in chairs in a circle around the whole living room .  The adults would entertain me by letting me play hide the thimble or I spy while they were visiting.

They would catch up on what was going on in the world, in the community, in the family.  It was far better than facebook could ever imagine.  It was a time to share hard times that were going on, but more importantly it was a time to share memories.  I remember them telling stories of, remember when so and so did this........  I can still hear my Grandma's laugh.  She loved to listen and tell those stories.  How I would give anything to sit and listen to some of those stories again, to write them out for future generations.  

I had the chance to experience that again this weekend.  Brett and I spent 5 days in Wisconsin with his family.  His Mom, Aunt, siblings and a group of cousins.  This is a yearly tradition and I am so thankful for the opportunity to share in this.   When they can they rent a house big enough to accommodate everyone.  So much homier than hotel rooms and there is something about all staying under the same roof that brings you together.

We spent a lot of the weekend rallied in that circle.  A circle in the backyard enjoying the great Wisconsin weather.  A circle at night huddled around the campfire. A circle around the dinner table.  Stories and new memories galore.

Monday night, the last night before we left, some of us were sitting around the big dining room table. In that beloved circle.  Brett started asking some questions of his Mom and Aunt that he and Scott had not been able to answer earlier in the day.  Suddenly, everyone was in a big circle listening to these two monarchs of the family.  They both began to share stories of when they were growing up. Some brought tears and some brought laughter, but everyone in that circle was totally engaged.  No one was on their phones, no one was talking.  Everyone was listening, soaking up these stories of their parents, their grandparents, their heritage. I would say it was one of the best parts of the trip. Thank You Dalyne and Betty Fae for being so open and honest for sharing the past with us.

Does your family need to put down their phones for an evening and enjoy the circle of love?

Psalm 78:4 "We will not keep them from our children; we will tell the next generation about the Lord's power and his great deeds and the wonderful things he has done."

          

My Eyes Sometimes Fail To See The Marvelous!

I sat at the hospital today while my 99 year old grandmother had a partial hip replacement.

While I sat by her bed waiting for her to go back in surgery my thoughts literally were, God why would you do this?  Why would you put this poor little old woman through this?

She is in pain right now, hip surgery is a major surgery with a major recovery process. She is 99 what purpose could there be in this?

They came in and prepared to take her down, they covered all the complications that could go wrong because of her age.  They covered her DNR.  And I continued to question Why?

We gathered around her bed and prayed before they took her to surgery.

I went to the cafeteria with all of my family to have lunch and wait to hear something.

In less time than expected they called to say the surgery had went fine with no complications.

Before the expected time she was back in her room.  Awake for the most part and doing well.  I was still questioning why?

She now faces a major recovery and rehab process at 99.  Actually 99 1/2.  I still am questioning why?

I leave the hospital, come home and sit out on the deck for awhile with my bible.  I open my bible and ask God to show me something that would answer my WHY questions.  I read in Joshua for awhile because that is where I have been reading.  No answers, I read about Joshua conquering kings and lands but I can't connected that to my Grandmother in any way.

I flip over to Psalms because Psalms always comforts me.

I open to Psalm 9:1 and it says "I will praise you, Lord, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done."

Hits like a ton of bricks!! Because it is not possible that my Grandmother at 99 and 1/2 survived a surgery, let alone came through it with flying colors without it being God in control.  What an amazing thing God did today and I continued to question WHY?

So instead of asking WHY?  I am saying praise to God that he might very well be preparing this woman to see her 100th birthday in less than 6 months.  What an amazing accomplishment and honor that could be for her.  

What an amazing God we serve!!!  Thank you God for the miracles you performed in my Grandmother today!!

Can I Really Trust My Eyes?

More lessons from Joshua
As Joshua goes into the promised land he is directed by God to take out all the people already living there. To kill everyone that breathes, destroy them and completely wipe them out.  The Gibeonites hear of this, and get scared after the first couple of towns are taken.  So they come up with a plan to deceive the Israelites, to make a treaty of protection with them.  They make it look like they live outside the boundaries and are therefore eligible to make a treaty with the Israelites.

They actually are pretty smart and conniving.  They put on old clothes and sandals to make it look like they have been traveling a long way. They put wine in old torn wine skins to make it look like it has been there awhile.  Then they bake bread and let it get moldy.  Then they go to Joshua and convince him that they have traveled from a far away land.

Joshua does question them and ask where they are from.

 They say look at our clothes they were new when we started out.  Look at our wine skins we just filled them at the beginning of our trip.  Look at our bread it just came out of the oven before we left.

Joshua 9:14 says "So, the Israelites examined their food, but they did not consult the Lord."

Bad move Joshua, but how many times have I made the same mistake?  I make a decision based on what my eyes can see and don't take the time to consult the Lord. This looks like a good sale. To the naked eye this appears to be a solid house.  Everything looks like this will be a good career move. This person appears to have the same values I have.  

Just like the Israelites my eyes can deceive me. This can happen for many reasons.

1.  I rush and don't look at the whole picture.  I just look at what I can see directly in front of me.
2.  I fail to see outside the box.  The box of lines I stay inside, or the box I try to poke God in.
3.  Or maybe the one I am most guilty of is that I see only what I want to see.

Satan is such a master at making things look good.  Making me trust in what I see in front of me. When he convinces me to trust what I see, then I don't feel the need to ask God.  Think of the best magic trick you have ever seen.  Your eyes see it but your mind really knows it can't be true.

I need to make it a practice of asking God, even when I see it with my own eyes.  



                

GET UP!!

"Get up!  Why are you lying on your face like this?"

I came across that verse in Joshua 7 this morning.  It is the Lord's words to Joshua, but I know I have heard those same words from God before.

A brief recap of what was happening in Joshua's life.  The Israelites went to fight Ai.  The Israelites only took part of their army because Ai was small.  They were confident after their battle at Jericho that this would be an easy conquer for them.  They got their behinds kicked.  Joshua could not understand why - he and  the elders tore their clothing, threw dust on their heads and bowed face down to the ground before the ark of the Lord.  They stayed there til evening.  When Joshua cried out why?  The Lords's response was.  Get up!  Why are you lying on your face like this?

I may not spend the day with my face bowed down to the ground, but there are days when my demeanor really is the same.  When I am feeling like whoa is me, my life is so rough. I walk around with my shoulders slumped, my eyes downcast.  I focus on my feet.  On those days if I call out to God he usually says Look up! Why are you walking around with your face like this?

If I look up, my attitude usually changes.  I can not look at the sky without feeling the presence of a loving creator.  Whether in the day with a blue sky, fluffy clouds, or even a thunderstorm, I can not look up without knowing the wonder and awe of my God.  In the dark of night you can not look up and see a sky full of stars on a blanket of black velvet, or a perfect moon, and not know there is something far bigger than me.  

In Joshua's story the reason for their defeat was sin in the camp.  In my story usually the same.  If I am walking around feeling defeated, a lot of times there is sin in my camp, laziness, selfishness, pride, bitterness, or jealousy.  Joshua had to get up, find the sin and remove it, then he was victorious again.  I need to look up, recognize my sin, confess it, then I can live a victorious walk.

What about you?  Does God ever say, Get up!  Why are you lying on your face like this?

Matt Maher's song "Rise Up" sums this up well.  

        

Does God give us more than we can handle?

In the past six months I have watched a lot of people struggle with some heavy situations.

I have watched a loving husband sit by his wife's bedside and wait for her to wake up from a ruptured brain aneurysm.  Watched him wait to see if she was going to make a full recovery.

I have watched a friend get the news that her dear grandmother out of the blue had cancer.  Watched them wait for results and muddle through what options will be.

I have watched a wife weeping at her husband's hospital bed.  Waiting for answers to questions that might not ever come.

I have watched a man struggle over an accident that took another man's life and there was nothing he could have done.

I have watched a couple struggle with divorce, a family fall apart.  One spouse who wanted to save the marriage but the other one was not willing to even try.  A world unravel.

Those are heavy situations.  Struggles that bring us to our knees in prayer.  Where we feel like we are drowning, our chest so heavy we can't catch our breathe.  Where we feel like we are going under for the last time.  In those situations sometimes people trying to comfort us will say.  Remember God doesn't give us more than we can handle.

Is that a true statement?  God doesn't give us more than we can handle?  I don't think it is.  I think the advice we should give is that God doesn't give us anything He can't carry us through.

In all of these situations, I believe if these people were forced to carry the weight on their own, it might have been more than they could have handled.  But in each instance, I watched God carry each person through that dark unknown valley.  I watched their faith renewed and strengthened.  I watched God carry his hurting children.

God will at times give us more than we can handle, but he will never leave us to handle it alone.

Isaiah 63:9 "In all their affliction, He was afflicted. And the angel of His presence saved them, in His love and in His mercy He redeemed them, and He lifted them and carried them all the days of old."

    

Little children and old people speak honest truth.

The beginning of this year we had to put my grandmother in a nursing home.  I try to make it up once a week to see her.  I usually try to go during the lunch hour because she sits at a table with 3 other lovely ladies, and I get the chance to visit with all of them.  I enjoy getting to listen to these ladies.

There is another little lady who sits at the table behind my grandmothers table, her name is Rosie and she is a character.  She gets a little loud sometimes, and rambunctious, and the other residents will say, "Rosie be still", or "Rosie stop that", When they do she spits at them. I can't help but crack up.  I love that she still has spirit in her.   She always blows me kisses so I have started making it a point to speak to her.

Friday when I went up Rosie wasn't at the table behind my grandmother she was across the room.  On my way out I went over and asked her how her day was going and talked to her for just a minute.  She always wants to pat you or hold your hand.  While I was talking to her, out of the blue she just said, "you have little boobies".  I said "you know what Rosie you are right I do".  One of the CNA's said "Rosie Oh my gosh you can not say things like that."  I replied, "you know what as long as she doesn't say something is big on me I really don't mind."

Have you ever noticed that small children and old people are completely honest.  They just state what they see, you have crinkles around your eyes, your belly is big, your breathe smells, your boobies are little. We don't get offended because how could we, usually what they say is correct.

What if we could be as honest with our peers.  Maybe not in such an abrasive, honest way but at least be honest with each other in a kind way.  If we kindly pointed out little things to each other would we work on them, try to improve the problem if possible?  Instead we don't speak up, because if I did, then you might also point out the splinter in my eye.

Ephesians 4:25 says "Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his (or her) neighbor, for we are members one of another."

I think that first part of the verse hits a nerve.  Put away falsehood.  If I were a little more honest in my life, then maybe I could be a little more honest with you.

Young children and old people, I love their honest conversations!!
      

When Sparrows Fall

I heard a story this week about someone who died in a tragic accident.  That alone is heartbreaking.  A life tragically lost, unexpectedly, unexplainable, and senselessly.  But, the bigger heart break, the last I heard, they had been unable to locate any family members.  No one who even knew this life was gone. No one wondering why they had not heard from this individual. No one who even missed this person.

Loneliness - Sadness because one has no friends or company.  Being without company.  Solitary.

I am sure at times we have all felt like we were in a place of loneliness.  A place of isolation.  I know I have felt that way.  But for me it is just a place in my mind.  I am not alone.  If I were missing there would be people looking for me.  If something unexpectedly happen to me there would be people to quickly trace me to.

How sad to feel you have no one.  No one to turn to in times of trouble.  No one to rejoice with in times of celebration.  I am sure we come in contact with people each day who are in that situation and we don't even know it.  Individuals who are totally alone and have no family or friends.

I need to step out of my "protected" life and become aware of people around me who are alone.  Family doesn't have to be a blood relative.  I have friends who feel like family to me.  I need to be watching for people who cross my path who truly have no one.  As people who love Jesus he calls us to love others.

There is one thing I know.  There may have been no family to contact for this person, but God knew that life was lost that day. That person didn't fall without God knowing.  Even when we have no one, we are never alone.

Matthew 10:29 "What is the price of two sparrows - one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it."

If our Father knows when a sparrow falls to the ground, He certainly knows when one of His children fall.  

I SAID NO

Recently I watched a young Mom in the store.  She was struggling with a "willful" 3 or 4 year old.  She was basically arguing with him.  Never a good idea and most times ends bad for the parent.  I felt for her, I remember those days.  I wanted to cheer her on.  Instead I watched the scene unfold.  She started out strong with,  I said NO.  The child just kept going, he kept getting louder and people started staring.  I give her some credit she held out for a little while but eventually gave in.

I thought of that this morning, as I was praying to God for something I have been praying about for a long time.  I wondered if I sounded like a "willful" 54 year old.  I think God wants us to continue to bring our hearts desires to him, but not in a begging way.  Not in a temper tantrum way.

He reminded me of another time I prayed, and I begged, I got angry and I pouted when I didn't get my way.  But he is a "good, good Father", and in that situation, when I could see the end, God was protecting me and my family in ways that I could not even imagine at the time.

Saying no to our kids isn't mean parenting.  God says no to us on numerous occasions.  He does it because he loves us and protects us.  We are becoming a nation that doesn't know how to tell our kids no.  Which means in turn we are raising a generation of kids who do not know how to deal with rejection or not getting their way.  When they don't know how to deal with no, then they turn to drugs, alcohol, pornography,  and relationships.  Searching for something to fill the void of rejection, because we have not taught them how to deal with a reality of life NO.

My kids would push the limit, they were not saints.  Yet, at the same time I think I must have had a look that said this is the line and don't step over it.  They knew they were free to continue past that line, they also knew there was the chance of consequences if they did.  I think God lets us push also, but we have to realize there may be a point, if he has thrown out tons of barricades in our path, maybe he is telling us we should switch paths.

1 John 4:18a  says "Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear."

God's love is always perfect, whether I accept it that way or not doesn't change that it is.

Good parenting is always good parenting whether your child accepts it that way or not doesn't change that it is.

Do I Really Practice Generosity?

                       



Can I really say that I am a generous person?  Sure, I will pick up the person's order behind me at McDonald's in the morning.  It is usually a tea or coffee rarely over $5.00.  Is $5.00 really a sacrifice to me?  Am I going to have to do without something if I spend that $5.00?  No.

I also donate to Renew, is that being generous?  Not really, what do I usually donate?  Things that no longer fit, things that I no longer like, things that are probably out of style.  Things that I feel I no longer need.  Things that I probably didn't need when I purchased them.  That is not being generous, that is cleaning out my closet.  I don't donate my favorite shirt or favorite pair of flip flops.

Doing those things are kind, but they are not really sacrificial giving.

I had something happen last week that has really made me stop and think about my giving.

I went to McDonald's last week on my way to work to pick up my normal morning tea.  I have been blessed on more than one occasion by someone in front of me buying my order.  And it always makes my day.  It makes me smile, feel thankful, and reminds me there are still nice people running around.
On this morning when I pulled up to the window the girl said he paid for your order.  I said who the person in front of me?  She smiled and said no he did, as she pointed to her fellow employee standing there by her.  There were 3 employees standing there together.  I could tell by their smiles that they had probably taken turns paying for orders.

I was very humbled.  This was not a kid who probably lived at home with his parents.  These were all adult employees.  This was someone who works hard for his money, who probably doesn't make much more than the minimum wage.  Yet he sacrificially paid for my drink.  I almost had tears in my eyes.  I said that is so nice, you don't know how much you made my day.  I couldn't say thank you enough.

Is my giving a sacrifice?  Does it really cost me anything?  Do I even notice the impact of my giving on my wallet?

Jesus gave us the perfect example of sacrificial giving.  His life.   It cost him everything and impacted the world. My generosity doesn't even begin to come close.

Matthew 6:21 "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."  

What do I want to be when I grow up?

                                                           


                             

I have this really sweet friend named Melissa.  Melissa is in college and struggling with what she really wants to do with her life.  It really is a sucky system you know.  We ask these poor young people to decide what they want to do with the rest of their life, before they even get out of high school.  They barely are learning who they are, let alone what they want to do forever.  It is very stressful Melissa I do feel for you.

In fact I still find myself asking what I want to do with my life. In St Louis I had this very bad habit of changing careers every 5 years.  Not just jobs, I would start completely over in a new field.  I like change.  I have worked in day care, many different retail stores, customer service in the automotive field, medical field, financial industry, and now the transportation industry.  That is quiet a wide variety of not knowing what I want to do.

In fact even in serving I struggle with what am I suppose to be doing?  Am I in the area God wants me to be in?  Am I where God wants me to be in my job, in my service??  Does God really care where I work or where I serve?  I know God has a plan for my life.  I know he gives me certain talents and gifts to use.  But is God really as concerned about where I use them, as he is to how I use them?

I believe what God really wants is for me to imitate Him wherever I am.

1.  To work as he did, with integrity.  Colossians 3:23 "Work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people."  Makes sense right?  If no matter what job I am doing I apply myself as if I am doing it for God then I should be bringing my very best.

2.  To love others as he did. Ephesians 4:32 "Be kind to each other, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God through Christ has forgiven you."  Wow, what would the work force look like if we applied this verse every day?  If I were kind and forgiving each day instead of mean and selfish how would my work place change?

3.  To always put Him first.  Proverbs 3:6 "In everything you do, put God first, and he will direct you and crown your efforts with success."  Pretty straight forward right?  If I make sure to always put God first and never let my job come before him this verse says I will succeed.  Not that I will be rich but that I will succeed.

So, I believe if  we imitate Him, no matter what we do, we will be at peace and succeed in whatever career path we choose.  Even if we change careers every 5 years.            

Friendships

Got to spend the weekend with one of my favorite people.  My friend Elaine came over from St Louis to speak at a ladies retreat for Redemption Church.  Talk about a circle of life.  Elaine comes to speak at a retreat on friendships, and our friendship really developed over serving together at retreats.

She and I spent hours together cooking for youth retreats, ladies retreats, and children's retreats.  Which also meant that we spent many wee hours of the morning awake talking.  Opening up becomes easier in the dark of the night.  A friendship of trust, honesty, and acceptance came out of those many hours of service together.

It was so much fun to share my friend from St Louis with my friends in Southern Illinois.  It was neat to see the threads of relationships just in the women at this retreat.  Some were not members of our church just came with friends at our church.  There were women who had been long time childhood friends.  There were women who were friends because they were related, aunts and nieces, sister-in-laws, mothers and daughters, mother and daughter in-laws.  Friends for many years, friends for only a few years.  There were old friends and new friends.  I hope there were new friendships that began too.

Elaine made a comment to me at one point about how God knits our lives together and how if just one of those people are missing the quilt of our life can begin to unravel.  Missing out on one friendship changes the tapestry of our lives.

Friendships change us or they should anyway.  They should challenge us, they should stretch us, they should sharpen us.  They should make us better people by being around them.  If they are good friendships they should draw us to the Father.  Elaine is that kind of friend and I am thankful God knit  her in my life.

Proverbs 27:9 "The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense."

A BALL GLOVE, AN UMBRELLA, and A PARKING LOT

Brett and I are on vacation in Gatlinburg this week.  One of the things we like about Gatlinburg is the "Smokies" ball club.  They are the Cubs AA team, so when we vacation here we try to catch a game and check out the new and upcoming Cub talent.

This year we checked the schedule and there was a 11:30 day game, YAY a chance to enjoy a game and enjoy the sunshine.  We pulled up in the parking lot and surprise 50 big yellow school buses.  A ball park full of 4th graders.  Actually it was fun watching all of them.  It was fun to see all the little boys with their baseball gloves.  Why do boys bring their gloves to the ball park?  The hope and optimism of catching a foul ball.  There was a lot of hope at the ball park that day.

At one point when I returned to my seat there were three men sitting by Brett.  I could never determine if they were all friends or if they were three generations of men enjoying a ball game together.  But the one thing that did make me smile was the oldest one had a ball glove.  Hope and optimism not forgotten.

What makes us lose our hope?  Is it life in general?  Is it the numerous games where a ball never came our way?  Is it the words of the world, really your bringing your glove at your age?  Do we just forget our glove as we rush out the door?  Whatever it is our hope and optimism can diminish as we get older if we are not careful.

I am sure you have heard the story of the little country community who were in the middle of a summer drought.  The church called together a prayer service to pray for rain.  And one little old lady brought her umbrella.  One woman had hope in her prayers, or at least had hope in the one she prayed to.

If you attend church with us have you ever noticed where Brett parks on Sunday mornings?  That comes from one of those stories of expected hope.  When we lived in St Louis our deacons were praying for God to send visitors to our church.  One deacon Bob Porter told them if they were going to pray for visitors then they needed to leave the parking lot open for them.  Since then Brett has always parked as far away from the door as he could. Hope in what God will bring.

What about your prayers and hope?  Do you throw them up in the air and assume God will just grab the ones he wants or the ones he is willing to answer?  Do you send up your prayers and hope, trusting in the one who answers, or do you leave your glove and umbrella in the closet gathering dust?

Job 6:8 "Oh, that I might have my request, that God would grant what I hope for."

Part the Waters

Music lyrics are a big thing to me.  And God uses them often in my life, a lot of times a song will get stuck in my head for weeks while I ponder the words.  The past couple of weeks it has been the song "Trust In You" by Lauren Daigle.  It seems like every time I am in the car it is on the radio so it constantly stays in my head.

The first week I pondered the words I will trust in you.  That is the way I want to live my life trusting in God no matter what.  Whether he moves the mountains, parts the seas, or gives the answer I want, I still want to trust.

But this week another message came out of these lyrics.

When You don't move the mountains I'M NEEDING YOU TO MOVE.  Too often I ask quickly for God to move the mountain, when what I really need is the endurance it takes to climb the mountain.  I am no runner.  I want to be really bad, but I am just not.  Brett on the other hand has been able to lace up his shoes and run at the drop of a hat ever since we have been married.  Occasionally I have tried to run with him.  He would coach me on the right way to breathe, breathe in through your mouth and out through your nose, or is it, in through your nose and out through your mouth?  Could be why I couldn't get it I couldn't remember it.  I learned I could run as far as I could hold my breathe because that is how I ran holding my breathe.  Not very effective you don't go to far.  Over the past year Brett and I have walked hundreds of miles but I became determined that I was going to be able to run with him this summer.  So, a couple of weeks ago when I started my walk on the treadmill I decided to try running.  OK lets be honest its more like a light jog. But I started slow for my three miles I ran 1/2 a mile and walked the second 1/2.  Last week on my first mile when I got to the 1/2 mile point I decided I can do a full mile and I did.  This week when I reached my mile I told myself you can go further and I made it 2 miles without stopping. I was super excited.   I tell that story because that took endurance and it felt great.  Sometimes my faith needs that endurance it takes to climb the mountain, to finish the race.

When You don't part the waters I WISH I COULD WALK THROUGH.  Again, my desire my wish, when maybe God's desire is for my faith to build the stamina, the character it takes to swim across the water.  I recently did a 30 day plank and wall squat challenge with a friend.  I didn't know if I would make those last 3 days when we were doing planks and wall squats for 4 and 5 minutes.  I know, doesn't sound like very long right, not until you try it.  It took more stamina to hold those 5 minutes than I ever knew I had.  Thanks Kalee.

But when God doesn't move those mountains and the endurance in my faith grows, and when God doesn't part the waters and the stamina and character in my faith increases. Then, when You don't give the answers as I CRY OUT TO YOU, my hope will be in the trust I have in You.  When those around me are hurting I will trust in you, when I don't know what the answers are I will trust in you.  When I can't see or understand your plan I will trust in you.  When my anger wants to take over I will trust in you, when it's easier to withdraw I will trust in you.

Romans 5:3-4 "....but we rejoice in our sufferings, know that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."

  

Martha is a real person!

You know how sometimes things just soak in?  Or you really just get them for the first time?  That proverbial light bulb going off over your head?  That happened to me tonight.

I was running early to pick someone up.  I am normally pretty time conscious,  I may be pushing it to get there on time but I am usually not late.  On the other hand I am not usually running 15 minutes early either.  But tonight I was.

So I pulled over in a parking lot.  I am working harder on just being quiet before God.  I always think for that to happen that  I need the perfect time, perfect setting, quantity amount of time to be still before the Lord.  Granted those times are great they just don't happen enough in my life.  So,  I am working at being able to just stop and be still before God wherever I am.

So I pulled over in a parking lot, shut off my car, closed my eyes to shut out distractions and just said God what do you want to show me right now?  I am on the way to Celebrate Recovery to hang out with 8-15 kids.  My lesson tonight is about lying, about your yes being yes and your no being no.  What do you want me to teach them from this God?

Well as usually when I am trying to be still before God my mind starts to wander.  I said I am working harder on this, I haven't mastered it!  So my ADD kicks in and I start to think about something I read in a Proverbs 31 email devotion today.  The phrase I read said "God loved Mary and Martha both.  But in that moment Jesus was more delighted with Mary's heart to be with Him than Martha's heart to serve Him."

I thought to myself wow Jesus loved them both.  And in that still small voice I heard Jesus say, yes I love Martha.  I love Martha's servant heart.   And just like that Martha became real to me.  It hit me the same Jesus I talk with each day had an actual conversation with Martha.  She was real!  Martha was a real person,  she wasn't just a character in a "bible story" we read about.  She wasn't a parable Jesus made up to make a point.  She was an actual, living  human being.

I don't know why that has never hit me so squarely in the face before.  I love the STORY of Mary and Martha.  Well sometimes I love it, most of the time it is convicting for me.  I relate more to Martha than Mary.  But until tonight it has always been a story to me.

I have been praying as I read my bible this year that I would see it for what it truly is.  A book about Jesus, that he would become more real to me.  That I wouldn't read it looking just for answers for me, but that I would get to know the man whom it is written about.  So I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that as he becomes more real to me so will the other people of the bible.

What about you?  Are the people in the bible people or are they characters in a story??

Not who I was

There are times when God speaks and speaks loud.  This morning was one of those mornings for me.  It wasn't that he taught me anything new.  Not a new lesson, not a new truth.  It's the same lesson he teaches me over and over again.  Grace.  Sometimes I just forget or lose my way.

This was a rough week, there were things that happen all week.  Things that made me bitter, made me angry, things that made me judgmental, self-righteous, and a hypocrite.  None of which I am proud of, by the end of the week I was not someone who I wanted to me.  One of those weeks where you get to the point where you go how did things get so out of control that these are my reactions.

God being who he is addressed all of that head on this morning.  I am in a Sunday morning book study by Angie Smith, called "Seamless".  It is a great study that gives you an overview of the bible from Genesis to Revelation's in 7 weeks.  Enough promotion.  What it is really giving you is a theme of who God is through out the bible.

In her video this morning she made this comment, "I stepped back a couple of feet from the door and saw my reflection, and I wasn't who I used to be."  God spoke softy to my heart, and I knew it wasn't that she had "performed" her way out of who she was.  It was because Jesus' death on the cross had changed who she was.

Then as icing on the cake Robbey preaches on the unforgiving debtor.  You know the story.  The debtor who is forgiven millions of dollars worth of debt and then turns right around and demands that the man who owes him hundreds pay up RIGHT NOW.

I was hurt this week and turned around and hurt others in return.  I deemed someone as white trash in my head this week because they harassed and tried to scare me.  Really, are judgmental and self-righteous any better labels?  The point is I have been forgiven over and over by God, yet I failed to forgive others.

I could draw a line in the sand and say I will be better this week, I can overcome myself.  I can "perform" my self out of this person I don't want to be.  And I can for a little while but I will fail again.

But I am not the person I used to be.  That person died with Jesus on the cross.  When I live out the reflection God sees.  When I forgive others the way God forgives.  Then I become the person I was meant to be.

Revelations 2:17 "Anyone with ears to hear must listen to the Spirit and understand what he is saying to the churches.  To everyone who is victorious I will give some of the manna that has been hidden away in heaven.  And I will give to each one a white stone, and on the stone will be engraved a new name that no one understands except the one who receives it."