Same cliff different oceans

Recently something happen that made me feel like I was on a cliff, standing by myself.  I felt like I had been left completely alone.  That everyone else had moved on and I had gotten left behind.  I think we all have those times.  Times where we are standing on a ledge, alone, looking out over something.  Kind of like when you are looking out over the ocean.  The view can be beautiful if you stay focused on the horizon. But when we take our eyes off the horizon and look down we see sharp rocks and treacherous terrain.

I think at some point in our lives we all stand on that cliff.  The cliff is the same, but the ocean and the rocks below are different.  The cliff is loneliness, desolation, deep despair.  It is that point where we feel alone, where we believe no one else can understand how we feel.  That no one else has stood where we are, or has ever been there before.

Even though the cliff is the same the rocks below change.  It may be that you are the last of your circle to marry.  It may be that you have experienced a miscarriage or lost a child.  It may be depression. It may be infertility.  It may be divorce. It may be dealing with a child who has lost their way. It may be the loss of a spouse.  It may be dealing with aging parents.  It may be unknown constant pain.  It may be the guilt of abortion.  It is something that makes you feel as if no one else has experienced what you are going through.  Isolation.

It can be a lonely place.  A place you don't want to be, and a place you don't really want anyone to know you are.  Because it feels so selfish.  It feels so internal.  It feels so deep, and gut wrenching at the bottom of your core.

At that cliffs edge you make a choice.  You make a choice to focus on the rocks below or lift your eyes and concentrate on the horizon.  The rocks are always the easiest choice because your head is probably already down.  To seek the horizon takes effort, you have to physically lift your head up and lift your eyes.

But that is where God meets us.  When we look up.  When we seek his face.  When we say I can't do this alone.  When we allow him to, God fills that space of isolation.  But first we have to look up.

Psalm 123:1 "I LIFT MY EYES TO YOU, O GOD, ENTHRONED IN HEAVEN"

Yearly Review

One thing about working for your family is that there are no yearly reviews.  A part of me misses them, because lets face it, they are a form of validation.  If your love language is words of encouragement and your a people pleaser a review is validation.

I do remember yearly reviews at Edward Jones though.  I worked at a call center in their insurance services department.  If you have ever worked at a call center you know that your main goal is to answer as many calls as kindly, and efficiently as possible.  At some point you reach your max, you can only do so many in a matter of time.

As I was reading in Ephesians this morning I was reminded of reviews.  As I read Ephesians 1:14 the last half of the verse says "he purchased us to be his own people.  He did this so we would praise  and glorify him."  Praise and glorify HIM.  God's plan has always been for us to praise and glorify him. That's my job here on earth.  Like the number of calls at Jones that is my one goal, praise and glorify the father.  I wondered how does my yearly review look?  How does yours look?

After being on the call center for a few years at Jones I became a team leader.  For me doing reviews on other people was not as enjoyable as being the one reviewed.  It was important to balance out positive and negative feed back for people and give both in a positive manner.  To not just focus on what they needed to improve on.

But you know what else we read in Ephesians?  Ephesians 1:4 "Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes."  That blows my mind, because that people pleaser in me struggles with God's review of me.  That he sees me holy and without fault.  But he doesn't see me that way because of me or anything that I have done or not done. He doesn't see me that way because I do such a good job at praising and glorifying him (because I fall short so often).  He sees me that way because of his Son Jesus.  It's like Jesus steps in that review, stands in front of me and blocks all the bad things so God doesn't see them.  My pride, my anger, my selfishness, my bad mood, those darkest things in my heart, and thoughts in my head that I want no one else to see.   When I become his child, Jesus blocks all those and God, the creator of the universe, the CEO of the world sees me as a perfect employee.

Thank you God for sending your son to stand in my place.

The Circle of Love

Thanks to the movie "The Lion King", we are all familiar with the circle of life.  But are you also familiar with the circle of Love?

My earliest memories of the circle of love are from my Grandma Hank's house.  When I was growing up I would get to go to my Grandma's house when my Dad or my Aunt came in.  Since they lived out of town when they would visit everyone would come to my Grandma's to see them.  There would be aunts, uncles, cousins and friends who would just stop by my Grandma's house.  After supper (which was always the best fried chicken and gravy in the world), everyone would gather in the living room.  Everyone would be in chairs in a circle around the whole living room .  The adults would entertain me by letting me play hide the thimble or I spy while they were visiting.

They would catch up on what was going on in the world, in the community, in the family.  It was far better than facebook could ever imagine.  It was a time to share hard times that were going on, but more importantly it was a time to share memories.  I remember them telling stories of, remember when so and so did this........  I can still hear my Grandma's laugh.  She loved to listen and tell those stories.  How I would give anything to sit and listen to some of those stories again, to write them out for future generations.  

I had the chance to experience that again this weekend.  Brett and I spent 5 days in Wisconsin with his family.  His Mom, Aunt, siblings and a group of cousins.  This is a yearly tradition and I am so thankful for the opportunity to share in this.   When they can they rent a house big enough to accommodate everyone.  So much homier than hotel rooms and there is something about all staying under the same roof that brings you together.

We spent a lot of the weekend rallied in that circle.  A circle in the backyard enjoying the great Wisconsin weather.  A circle at night huddled around the campfire. A circle around the dinner table.  Stories and new memories galore.

Monday night, the last night before we left, some of us were sitting around the big dining room table. In that beloved circle.  Brett started asking some questions of his Mom and Aunt that he and Scott had not been able to answer earlier in the day.  Suddenly, everyone was in a big circle listening to these two monarchs of the family.  They both began to share stories of when they were growing up. Some brought tears and some brought laughter, but everyone in that circle was totally engaged.  No one was on their phones, no one was talking.  Everyone was listening, soaking up these stories of their parents, their grandparents, their heritage. I would say it was one of the best parts of the trip. Thank You Dalyne and Betty Fae for being so open and honest for sharing the past with us.

Does your family need to put down their phones for an evening and enjoy the circle of love?

Psalm 78:4 "We will not keep them from our children; we will tell the next generation about the Lord's power and his great deeds and the wonderful things he has done."