100 Christmas's

For 51 of the last 55 years every Christmas dinner has been spent at my Grandmother's house.  The first year Brett and I were married we lived in California and couldn't make it home, the year Brittany was born, the year Chris was born, and one year I know I was sick. (there may have been a few more, but those are all I can recall).

This year was different because this is the first year of those 55 my Grandmother was not there.   In fact if I figured right this is close to the first time in 80+ years she has not spent Christmas in that location.  Two different houses but same spot.   This was her 100th Christmas, statistics say being born in 1916 gave her a 1.3% chance of seeing 100 Christmas's.  What a rare opportunity.

She was in the hospital this Christmas and it changed the dynamics completely.  It's one of those things that was a standard, that was predictable, that you took for granted would always be there.

At 54,  I am aware of how fortunate I am to still have a Grandmother.  In fact over the last year I have been grateful for the chance to spend some really precious time with her.  I was fortunate in the fall to spend 3 or 4 hours alone one evening sitting and talking with her. Hearing stories about her life.  I also had the rare privilege at Thanksgiving to sit and listen to my kids ask her questions and hear her share stories.  To listen to them laugh together.  I have had the chance over the last week to spend time sitting with her in the hospital.  At times she has been confused but there were still many hours to listen to stories.  To watch that stubborn, strong will of hers help her bounce back.

With the changes also come questions.  As a believer I know I am suppose to not question.  I know I am suppose to trust God's timing, trust God's plan.  Just when I am getting a handle on one area, God takes me to the far extreme on the other end, and once again I am saying God I don't understand,  I can't see the whole picture.  God has been teaching me about timing for a few years now (I am a slow learner).  But, in birth, in life, in death it's God timing.

I don't understand why it takes years for some people to have children.  I don't understand why some people's lives seem to be cut way to short, or why some people's bodies out last their will to live.  But I do know the one who does know, and all he calls me to do is trust.  To trust in his timing, to trust in his plan, to trust in him.

So for now I will cling to the one who holds time in his hands and enjoy those precious days, months or years that lie ahead.

Acts 1:7 He said to them, "It is not for you to know times or seasons that the Father has fixed by his own authority."

Merry 100th Christmas Grandma!

Will I leave a legacy like Leo?

Last week I learned that a dear sweet man from our previous church in St. Louis had passed away. Leo was one of those men who impacted many lives.  There were two specific areas of my life that Leo impacted by his example.

The first was his devotion to his wife.  The whole time we knew Leo which was 19+ years, his wife Zola had health issues.  She had health issues that slowly continued to deteriorate her body and her mind. Through all those years Leo took care of her.  When others might have made their life easier, Leo continued to keep Zola at home with him and care for her.  He was a true example of what it meant to honor your marriage vows for better or worse.  I know from stories that devotion came from years of a solid marriage where God was at the center.   A marriage of two people who served, loved, and honored God together.

The second area of impact was in his prayer life.  Leo was the best prayer warrior I know.  He must have kept a notebook, because, weeks after a prayer request Leo would come back to you for an update. It was humbling when Leo was still praying for something I might have already given up on. He didn't, like me so many times, just say I'll pray and pray once.  He was consistent in it.  If there was something I wanted prayer for I made sure Leo was aware of it.  

I have been thinking about those things this past week, and I have also been listening to the lyrics of the Sidewalk Prophets song.  "What will people say of me when I'm only just a memory?  Was I Jesus to the least of us?  Am I proof that you are who you say you are?  That grace can really change a heart?"

Leo's memory will live for a long time in the hearts of many family and friends.  A memory that, You are who you say you are.  A memory that grace really does change a heart.  A memory of someone who was Jesus to the least of us.

What a legacy to leave to your family.  When I am just a memory will people say I honored my vows to Brett?  Will my kids say we always knew Mom was devoted to our Dad?  Will people say I wanted to make sure Janet was praying for me?  Those things don't just happen.  They require action on our part.  They require a relationship that is intertwined with a God who changes hearts.  They require a life that is changed by grace.

What will your legacy be?  What will people say when you are only just a memory?  It's never too late!!

Matthew 6: 19-21 "Don't store up treasures here on earth, where moths eat them and rust destroys them, and where thieves break in and steal. Store your treasures in heaven, where moths and rust cannot destroy, and thieves do not break in and steal.  Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be."

     

What I have learned in 35 years of marriage.

35 YEARS, YES 35 YEARS, it does not seem possible.  It does not seem like it was 35 years ago on this day at 7:00 PM, at Calvary Baptist Church, in Effingham.  I stood beside Brett Allan Sapp and became his wife.

I was 18, with stars in my eyes, and no idea what lie in store.  On that day, I could not have known or imagined what the future held for me, but I know that 35 years later I would do it all over again.

Waking up to this man 12,775 mornings (give or take a hundred)
2 amazing kids later
15 jobs later
6 states and I don't know how many addresses later
10 + cars later
????? miles traveled together
???? laughs
???? tears (though I know the laughs have out numbered the tears, because my favorite thing about him is that he makes me laugh every day)

I could paint a rosy picture and say it has been perfect, but if you are married you would know that is a lie.  Our life has been filled with blessings too numerous to count and I thank God for those.  But, it has been a marriage of two selfish, sinful people, so there have been hurts, disappointments, arguments, name calling, hateful words, and heartaches.

Only by the grace of God at some point we got it together and made the choice to put Christ at the center. Without him there, like so many marriages, I am sure ours would have failed.

With 35 years of marriage, comes some wisdom, so here are the top 10 things I have learned about marriage.

10.  Learn your spouses love language and speak it often.
9.    When you are wrong, say you are sorry.   When your feelings are hurt, be specific about why.
8.    Your children are "renters" one day they will be gone, and it will be you two, make your spouse priority.
7.    Learn to laugh at yourself, and laugh together often.
6.    Do not expect your spouse to be able to read your mind.  If you do you are setting them up for failure.
5.    Do not put unrealistic expectations on your spouse.and never threaten divorce.
4.    Learn to ask for help, and then accept your spouse may do it differently, but it might be even  better than your way.  ( I now hang up jeans the way Brett hangs them)
3.    Wives, if you step out of the way and let your husband lead you might find out he is really smart.
2.    An encouraging word from you is 10 times greater than one from anyone else.
1.    Your marriage should be a threesome.  God, your spouse, and you, in that order.

Genesis 2:24 "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."

Thank You Brett Allan for an amazing 35 years, thank you for making me laugh every day.  I can not wait to do the next 35 with you.  I LOVE YOU!!

        

Brett was right.

Apparently, as much as I hate to admit it, Brett was right.  While I might hate admitting that, it is a whole post all on its own for another day.  But for this post, for today, I will say it again.  Brett was right.

When we first started walking together my toes were killing me.  Brett told me it was because my shoes were too tight and I needed new ones and I needed good ones.  I had ones that I paid a decent amount for and I was sure they would be OK.

My toes did stop hurting after a few weeks, but then I noticed a couple of weeks after that, one of my big toe nails was turning colors.

So I started researching it.  Guess what.  If you run or walk a lot apparently there is this issue called purple or black toe.    

And take a stab at what causes it.  A few things apparently.  One being that your shoes might be too small. When you walk your toes will swell kind of like your fingers do.  If there isn't sufficient space at the end of your shoe your toe will bump it.  Another contributor is people who tend to grip with their toes when they walk.  I wear flip flops 6 or 7 months out of the year.  Of course I am a toe gripper.  Cheap shoes were another culprit.  All the sites I researched recommend that you get shoes that are 1/2 or full size above what you normally wear.

The end result, there is a good chance I will probably lose that toe nail.  It doesn't seem to be a problem, the other one is usually grown most of the way back before the old one falls off.  And it appears there will be no reason I can't continue to walk through the process.

God uses the strangest things in my life to correspond with spiritual issues.

As I was thinking about this, I thought, that is kind of the way my walk with God goes sometimes.  

Sometimes I tend to cram as much as I can into what I am doing.  Kind of like my toes crammed into the nose of that shoe.  When I do that, when I over book, when I over extend, when I over commit, things start to swell kind of like my toes do.  Suddenly there is no room for God.  The things I might be doing are not necessarily bad.  They can all be good things there just isn't room for everything.

When that happens my heart tends to start to look like that toe nail.  Bruised and black and purple.

I also sometimes tend to want to grip my life just like my toes grip to hold on to that shoe.  I hold tight  to things I don't want to let go of.  That might be sin or it might even be good things.  Parts of my life that I don't want to give up to God.  Parts that I am sure I don't need to bother him with.  Parts that I am sure I can handle on my own.  Either way, anything that I am holding on to is sure to turn my heart purple just like that toe nail.  

Do expensive shoes really matter?  Do the best really make a difference?

I know that Jesus gave the best he had in purchasing my life.  He gave his one and only Son.  The one most precious and dear to him.

So, I did break down this weekend and purchase new shoes.  I got a size bigger than my normal size and I didn't check price tags (well not too close anyway).  I just tried them on and went with what felt the best.

Result - I told Brett to be prepared to double our walking time.  They really did feel great.  

Psalm 139:16 "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

God already has allowed time for me to accomplish everything he set out for me to complete.  If my life is feeling crammed I have probably placed things there that don't belong.  

  

Frustrated!!!

Shhhhh don't tell anyone, but sometimes I get really frustrated.  To make it worse sometimes it is God I get really frustrated with.  That is something as a pastors wife I feel like I am not allowed to say out loud.  Let alone actually put down in writing.  But I do.

I get frustrated with things I see around me.  I get frustrated when I see things around me that I think are unfair.

I get frustrated when I feel like people around me are not reaping what they sow.  When people are constantly doing the wrong thing yet constantly skating by with no consequences or repercussions.

I get frustrated when I see people that are doing it all right yet seem like they are getting nowhere.

I get frustrated when I see what I consider "good" people struggling.

Why do I get frustrated?  Mainly because I can not see the complete picture.

I live in this small box, I am hampered by feelings, emotions, and reactions.  But my God is so much BIGGER than this box of mine.

And I know that, I know that from experience.  I know that, because so many times in my life I have had a plan, an expectation, and I have watched God surpass that plan a hundred times over.

So even though I know that, even though I know God's plans are so much bigger than mine.  God's thoughts are far beyond my thoughts.  (Isaiah 55:8) "my thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,"says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."

Yet still I get frustrated when God doesn't do it my way.  Cause like Sarah I am a woman with a plan, and I am a woman of action.

So, why do I get frustrated?  Because I want it my way in my time.  Because I am selfish and I am impatient.  But when I get frustrated, if I would just take a few minutes.  If I would look back over those other times in my life where God has blown my little box out of the water.  Then I would sit back, I would breathe, and I would wait patiently to see what he is going to do.

If you are struggling with frustration today, if you are impatient, if you are selfish just know that God's plan will probably be outside your box.  Wait for it!

2 Thessalonians 3:5 "May the Lord direct your hearts to the love of God and to the steadfastness of Christ."

 

        

Pushing Through

Brett and I are continuing to walk each morning and in the afternoons when we can.  For the most part I enjoy those mornings I really enjoy walking.

I enjoy the coolness of the morning, even in July it is cool.  I enjoy at 5:30 AM watching the world wake up.  We see all kinds of wildlife out at that time in the morning.  We have seen deer on many mornings.  We have seen two foxes a couple of mornings. We see lots of bunny rabbits.  One morning a family of skunks passed in the road in front of us.  Needless to say we gave them plenty of space.  

I love watching the sky light up with the colors of morning.  For someone who is a self proclaimed "not morning" person, I am really starting to enjoy that part of the day.  Probably has something to do with the age.  Maybe just another sign that I am getting older.  This morning we even got to walk in the rain for the last mile.  We thought we would beat it out but we didn't.  Even that was fun in the morning because I was going back to the house to shower anyway so what did it matter if we were wet?

As much as I enjoy these morning walks, some days are just easier than others.  There are days when the stride is just right.  Where the pace is right on target.  When the humidity is low and it is easy to breathe.  Days when my body just moves with no effort at all.

Then there are those other days.  Those days when my toes hurt. (Brett keeps telling me my shoes are too tight). I am not moving up a size, what is a blister here or there.  Those days when I feel like I am gasping to catch my breathe.  When I feel like it is all I can do to put one foot in front of the other for the next step.  Days when I feel like what are we doing out here again. Those days when it is all I can do to push through and make it back home.  But determination, and discipline (and my husband)  keep me getting up each morning.

As I was walking this morning I was thinking about that.  Sometimes as much as I hate to admit it my spiritual walk is the same way.  We would like it to always be one of those "good mornings", where the stride and pace are perfect.  Those days when nothing hurts, but it is not always that way.

There are days that I feel like my heart hurts, There are days when I feel like it is all I can do to keep my head above water while I gasp for air.  Days that I don't feel like picking up my bible, or praying. Days that I have questioned why is this what I am doing.

It is those days when my determination reminds me of what God did on the cross for me.  It is those days when my discipline reminds me to pick up my bible and pray anyway.

"Those" days, make the good days even better.

Paul says in 2 Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the course, I have kept the faith."

Thank you Jesus that every day isn't a great day.  If they were they would become boring and I would take them for granted.  Thank you that determination and discipline help us put one foot in front of the other and finish the course.  Plain and simple Thank You Jesus!  



 

       

Supreme Court Decision

I have written and rewritten and rewritten this post.  I am having a hard time getting it to say exactly what I feel.  Maybe that is the first issue right there.  I am reacting out of emotion, not out of faith.  But this topic and decision hold such emotions for so many.  There are such strong emotions on both sides.

Therein lies part of the problem.  I don't want to choose sides.  I don't want to say something that would hurt or harm people that mean a lot to me.  Family members that I love.  I think that is why this decision triggers such emotion.  We all know someone close to us who is gay or lesbian.  We can't detach and say "those" people, because these are OUR people.  They are family, friends, work associates, and neighbors, people we love.    

On the other hand, for me God has been working on truth in my life for the last year.  Facing truth, choosing truth and wanting really hard to live a life based on truth.  So, can I just turn my back on what the bible says is truth in this situation?

So, what do I know as truth?

I know that gay or straight, if we say we are Christian then one thing we surely agree on is that The Bible is true.  It is the living word of God and it is truth.  All of it is truth.  It tells us in Revelation 22:18 that we can't add to or take anything away from the bible.  As much as I would like to take a sharpie, and mark through those verses that talk about submitting to my husband, or those verses that tell me how bad my pride is, I can't.  I have to take the bible at it's word.  That is the first truth I know.

The second truth I know is that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, ALL my sins.  That Jesus died on the cross for ALL sins.   I know that John 3:16 tells me that "God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son.  That whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."  Truth is, anyone who believes in him and has accepted him as Lord will have eternal life.  I believe that is truth.

The third truth I know comes from Luke 19:10.  "For the Son of man came to seek and save the lost." While on earth Jesus sought out tax collectors, prostitutes, adulterers, and a Samaritan woman.  At some point in our lives most of us have felt like we belonged in that group.  People others shunned and avoided, but that is why Jesus came, to seek us out one by one.  To build relationships that change lives.  I believe that is what Jesus calls us to do.  Build relationships.  We can't build relationships if we harbor a spirit that condemns.

The last truth I know is that God hates sin.  God hates my sin, God hates ALL sin.  Never once in the bible does it say God rejoiced or embraced any sin.  Psalm 5:4 says "For you are not a God who delights in wickedness, evil may not dwell with you."  The complete nature of God is sinless.  From the beginning, in the garden, sin separates us from God. Genesis 3:8 says "And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God."  Our sins will always cause a separation between us and God.  We can try and rename them, we can try to run from them, but we cannot hide them from God. The good news for us is, he is a God of mercy and grace, who stretches out his arms and offers us repentance.

My prayer is, that with this decision, we would all seek to know God and his truths better.        

            

 

Where does your love come from?

Paul says in 1 Timothy 1:5, "The purpose of my instruction is that all believers would be filled with love that comes from a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith."

Where does your love come from?

When I read this, my first response was to pray for a pure heart, a clear conscience, and genuine faith. Because my first reaction is usually "what can I do"?   Those are not bad things to ask for, but as I read further I kept being drawn back to this verse.  Paul's desire is that believers be filled with love from these things.

I started thinking about where my love comes from.  As a little girl, I had this misconception of where love came from.  Due to some hurts in my life I became confused about what love looked like. I convinced myself, and accepted Satan's lie, that when I was the best, when I was doing it all right, when I performed just the way someone expected, then they would love me.

Unfortunately, those misconceptions followed me into adulthood.  They really made it hard for me to grasp and accept God's grace, that God's love for me wasn't based on anything I did, but was all based on what God did for me.  That he freely, without strings attached, sent his son to die for me. That was something just beyond my grasp.

Thankfully my faith and relationship have grown over the years, and continues to grow.  So I can see how different love looks when it comes from a pure heart.  A heart whose motives are not to people please.  A heart that isn't searching for its worth in others.  Love that comes from a clear conscience, not one motivated by guilt because I didn't get it right.  Not one crippled  by shame or regret from the past.  Love from  genuine faith.  Faith that says God I still don't understand it all but I trust you.  Faith that says not my merit God, but your love alone.

When God's love fills my heart with these things, the love that pours out is totally different.  My actions and reactions are different.  I don't react from emotions, I react from faith.  The way I treat others is different.  Even the relationship I have with Christ is different.

Where does your love come from?  I hope it is a love that begins and ends in the arms of my loving heavenly Father.  

God's perfect sleeping pill

As I sat down to read my bible this morning before heading off to work it started to rain.   I finished what I was reading and  then just sat and closed my eyes and listened to the rain.

There is something so peaceful about rain falling down.  It doesn't matter what it is hitting.  It can be the trees, the window, the roof, the deck, the ground.   It instantly brings a sense of peace to your surroundings.  If my schedule had allowed I could have sat in the chair all morning and listened.  I would have eventually fallen asleep though, because for me, rain is like God's perfect sleeping pill.  

We have had a chance over the last week to experience rain here in Southern Illinois.  On Saturday I was out at the lake and there were showers off and on all afternoon.  The boat dock has a metal roof, so even though at some points the rain was coming down really hard, it still made you want to curl up under a beach towel and just listen.  It doesn't matter if the rain is hard, or gentle, if it's storming or barely a drizzle there is something soothing about the sound.

When you think about it though it must just have something to do with the sound of water.  The sound of a babbling brook, the sound of crashing waves, the rain, a water fall they are all sounds that will calm your nerves, relax your soul, and bring a sense of peace to your spirit.

Jesus has that same effect on our soul.  In the same way the sound of water flows over and calms us, so does Jesus love and mercy. Sometimes, like waves, the sound crashes over us, taking us by surprise and engulfing us completely.  At other times, like a slow drizzling rain, it gentle soaks us to the skin.  Sometimes, just like an amazing waterfall, we are struck speechless at the majesty and beauty of His grace and mercy.

In the same way, the sound of water in any form is a balm for my mood and spirit.   Jesus love, grace, and mercy are a balm for my soul.

John 7:38 says "He who believes in me, as the scriptures has said, out of his heart will flow rivers of living water."

Jesus is the living water, could be the connection.

Keep that in mind as we gear up for some heavy rains over the next couple of days.  

 

 

Difference between Men and Women

For the last month or so Brett and I have been walking every morning.  For anyone who doesn't know me, this is a small miracle.  Unlike my husband I am not a morning person.  So the fact that I would get up at 5:30 each morning, and enjoy being up at that time is nothing short of a God thing.

Over the last couple of days I have made an observation of our walking.  We walk like we live our lives.  My eyes are on the road in front of me.  I am watching the road for snakes, I am measuring out the next marker to walk to.  The next house, the next tree, the next curve.  Tunnel vision on what is ahead.

Brett on the other hand is all over the road.  He is checking out everything all around us.  What is in the ditch, what kind of flower is that, birds in the air.  Constantly watching for cars behind us.  He is totally aware of everything around us.  Saying hello to people out on their porches, or getting their paper.

I mentioned that on our walk this morning.  His comment was probably right on target.  He said, "if your people (meaning all A type personalities) created roads there would only be interstates from point A to point B. My people (anyone who isn't an A type) would create the side-roads, that go by mountains and streams."

My question was how do we walk together then?

I have been thinking about that today.  If our paths are so different, what keeps us walking this path that is our journey together?

I realized it is because we have both chosen to walk one road together.  That narrow road.  The one that says we both choose to put Jesus first, in our separate lives and in our relationship.  Doesn't mean we have it right all the time.  Doesn't make us above anyone else.  Doesn't mean we have arrived.  It just means as we walk that narrow road together we have each other.

There are mornings that I don't want to get out of bed and walk, and Brett says come on get up, or vice versa.  It is the same on that narrow road.  There are days one of us may say, I am not feeling it today.  We may feel down or discouraged and the other one is there saying come on get up.  Keep your eyes on the prize, on what is important.

One of my favorite parts of walking is that we pray together while we are walking.  No elaborate sonnets,  just simple sentence prayers of thanks, and requests of things we know are going on in the lives of people around us.  Just Brett and I walking along sharing our lives with our heavenly Father.  That's what the narrow road is also just Brett and I going along sharing life with our heavenly Father.

I hope you are finding your way on the narrow road.

Matthew 7:14 "But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

The cow or the squirrel.

I get the chance to see a lot of different kinds of wildlife on my to work in the mornings.  I have seen lots of deer, too often crossing in front of me.  I have seen foxes playing.  I have seen possums, snakes, (yuck), and skunks, mostly dead on the road (yuck again).  One day last week God put in my mind the strange comparison of a cow and a squirel.  I saw both on my way to work one morning.

Now these animals have some things in common.  They are both mammals, they both have tails, but beyond that their comparisons kind of stop.  I felt God posing the question to me which one of these are you most like?

The cow is very docile, very focused, very calm, content in a way.  Think about it.  The cow is usually in a fence in area.  Unless it is looking for a wild night, then I am not sure how, but they apparently can jump a fence.  I am not sure how you get enough momentum to get a cow over a fence.  I quess if one can jump over the moon then a fence is no barrier for love.  Beyond that a cow is pretty content to remain in one area.  The cow knows it's purpose.  I am to stand here, eat grass, chew my cud.  That is pretty much a cow's life.  But it seems to know that is it's life and accepts that.  It does what God created it to do.

Now squirels are a different story.  Have you ever had a squirel run in front of your car?  You slow down and breathe a sigh of relief when it runs to the other side of the road.  Only to have it change it's mind and dart right back under your car.  Squirels are like a Junior high girl.  They are flighty, all over the place, and usually chasing something.  They are fun to watch because they are unpredictable.  You never know which way they are going to run.  But they to are doing what God called them to do.  They run about, busy, storing up food for winter.

So which one am I most of the time?  Not really sure, and not really sure what God was trying to show me.  I think it was a lesson in being content where you are.  That sometimes my life will look like a squirels.  It will be full, and jumbled, and I may feel like I am dashing in front of cars all day long, but I need to keep my eyes on his purpose.  At other times my life may be calm like the cow.  That my focus then is to stop, mull it over, and chew the cud.  No matter which animal my life may resemble.  I need to be doing what God called me to do in that moment, in that season.  And I need to be content doing it.

Matt 6:25 "Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life...."

Are you a squirel or cow today?

Hide and Seek, 18, 19, 20 here I come.

I am in a ladies bible study on a great book called "Grace for the good girl - letting go of the try-hard life" by Emily P. Freeman.  This is my second time  reading through this book.  I am loving the group of ladies  going through this study.  As women it seems a lot of us struggle with the try hard, then try even harder life.  It would also appear we struggle even harder with letting it go.

In the first chapter the author raises the question, that being found is the best part of hiding.  I have been thinking about that question since chapter 1 and we are now in chapter 10 and I am still rolling that question around in my head.  Because in true "try-hard" fashion, I believe the best part is finding the best hiding place.

But while I have been contemplating this question I have been observing Lily.  While we are in transition between workers for the kids on Friday nights, I have been filling that position.  When Lily who is 2 or 3 is back there with me she likes to play hide and seek.  Lily's hide and seek is quite unique.  I will hide my eyes and count to 20.  I have barely turned around, and Lily will jump out of her hiding spot and with a big grin on her face she yells, "here I am".

I have been trying to teach Lily that the point of the game is to stay hid until I find her.  However, for Lily being found is the best part of hiding.  Maybe Lily has actually been teaching me.

As I get further in this book, I realize that is what I want.  I want to be found.  I want to give up those masks that I hide behind.  Those masks of expectations, reputation, rule follower, responsibility, guilt, shame.  You know what they are we all wear them.

I want to jump out excited and say here I am God.  Like Lily I want to be found instead of hiding.  I want to say here I am God, with all my rough edges, not finished, don't have it right yet. But here I am, with excited and child-like enthusiasm just to be found.

How about you, what is the best part of hide and seek for you?

You are not under law, but under grace.  Romans 6:14

SAPP'S INVADE MIAMI

I had the awesome blessing last week of traveling to Miami with Brett and my in-law family.  It was a great week, lots of sunshine, ocean water, sand, palm trees and great company.

Sorry all you Floridians I couldn't get enough of the palm trees. 

Let me start by saying this has always been my second family.  Even before Brett and I started dating this was my second family.  They moved in next door when I was in 6th grade and I have loved them every since.  So, it is not your typical in-law family.  To even type the word in-laws seems strange.  They are my family. 

For me it was a great relaxing few days.  I love this family, love being a part of it, and love being included as one of them.  This trip was a Christmas gift for Mom.  Brett's family used to live in Miami years ago.  They decided to travel back and see if they could find the places they used to live, go to school and work. A virtual trip down memory lane.  We think some of those places were found, but a lot of things change in 40 years.  They found the street they used to live on.  It was fun driving down this street and listening to memories of my husband and his siblings as children.  The grumpy neighbor next door, the neighbors dog.  Neighborhood kids.  I don't know if they ever really settled on which house was theirs, but we do have a picture of a house.  It was fun to hear, that could be it, maybe that one.  Like I said a lot of things change over 40 years.  

We never were able to locate the bakery Dalyne used to work at petty sure it no longer exists.  They were able to locate the old Mutual of Omaha building in downtown Miami.  It is now the CVS home office.  The apartment building across from it, they used to live in, was no longer there but they were able to locate the area.   

For me a fun part of the trip was to just sit back and watch this family.  Brett, his Mom, his older brother, his younger sister, and his younger brother.  The fact that they were all able to take this trip together was a great blessing.  We are all over the age of 50 now, some families wouldn't have that opportunity.   It was fun to listen to different versions of a story, to see their different personalities, to see their role in the family. To learn about family members no one ever heard of , dear cousin Harry.  Sometimes when you travel with your own family it can stressful.  For me even though I feel like part of the family, technically AMI(ain't my family).  So, I didn't have to worry about making decisions, or worrying about my role, or being stressed in general.  I LOVED IT.

This family all love the Lord, they love each other dearly, get along great and genuinely enjoy each others company.  I laughed till my sides hurt and my eyes watered.  I love my Mother-in-laws laugh.  It is contagious.    So, thanks Sapp's for taking me along, and thank You God for making this family apart of your plan for my life.   

I think this verse sums up this family.

Ephesians 5:21 - "Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ."