The Best Birth Story Ever.

Luke 2: 6 & 7
"And while they were there, the time came for her baby to be born.  She gave birth to her first child, a son.  She wrapped him snugly in strips of cloth and laid him in a manger, because there was no lodging available for them."

Normally I don't listen to Christmas music.  If you have followed my blog at all, you know how odd that is. Music is very powerful to me and a venue God uses often to speak to my heart.  Many turning points in my life are marked by a song.  I have a song title tattooed on my foot for goodness sake......but I don't listen to Christmas music??  I have one favorite Christmas song, How Many Kings.  I could listen to it over and over.  So, why the day after Thanksgiving, when my favorite radio station, WBGL switches to Christmas music do I switch the station til after Christmas?????  I am really not sure, but I usually do.

When I shared that at a recent hometeam meeting my friend Kim said, "I can't believe that from you, of all people".  So, I decided to listen this year to not change stations.  I have been totally surprised.  There are a ton of great Christmas songs out there.  Many with a message that spoke to my heart.  But more than that God began to speak to my heart.

As I listened to song after song I began to focus on the true Christmas story.  I began to think about Mary and Joseph, the shepherds, the wise men, Herod, and the baby boy.  They all began to come alive for me.  I began to try and picture what it must have truly been like.  Can you imagine what Mary's top 10 things about her birth story would be??  Won't it be neat one day to hear about the most famous birth ever, from the most famous mama ever?

But something else began to become apparent.  I realized how much I separate Jesus and Christ.  Just like the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are three in one.  I began to realize that Jesus and Christ are two in one.  I see Jesus as the tiny, beautiful, perfect, baby boy born in the manger.  I see him as a sign of hope, a promise, a beginning, something pure, precious, and innocent.

But that baby seems so far removed from the man, Christ.  The man who took on my sins and yours on the cross.  In my eyes there is nothing sweet, or innocent about the cross.  It represents an ugly, horrific, horrible death scene.  It represents all the ugliness of human kind in one spot.  As far from innocent as you can get.  Except, that He, Christ was a perfect, sinless, innocent man. I began to notice that when I speak of the manger I refer to him as Jesus. When I speak of the cross I refer to him as Christ.  I had compartmentalized them as two different people but they are one in the same.

I was recently asked the question "which is more important, the birth or the cross?"  I think the answer is; just like you can't separate the trinity, you can't separate the two.  The birth of "Jesus" in the manger, and the death of "Christ" on the cross gives us Jesus Christ.  His life is a precious, beautiful, innocent, glorious story from start to finish.

So, I hope each time you hear the Christmas story, or see a nativity scene this season, you will reflect for just a minute on the WHOLE story.  On what the true meaning of this precious baby boy means for each and every one of us.  Life eternal.

MERRY CHRISTMAS from the Sapp household!!!!!

 
 

Priorities

It's been awhile since I have blogged, and part of that is probably due to priorities.  When my priorities are in order then my relationship with God is my number one priority.  When that is in place then God is speaking, or maybe it's more when that is in place then I am taking time to listen.

So often I hear people say, I wish God would speak to me.  I am beginning to realize He does speak. We just aren't listening.  He doesn't force his way and He doesn't yell, so most times we just don't hear him. 

Recently, my good friend Kim sent me an email saying pray for me I am stepping down from worship ministry.  I can't continue to give God my left overs.  Now, I am sad to say my very first reaction was to judge her decision.  She's great at worship, she loves music and I just wasn't sure this was something she should be giving up.  But, I quickly realized that she would not have made the decision lightly and it probably came with some pain and heart ache for her.  I jokingly call her my minni me.  So, I knew in making this decision she was probably struggling with questions like, who am I letting down?  Am I letting God down?  So, I started praying that God would honor her decision about her priorities, and that she would have a peace about it with no guilt.

It's a funny thing how God works.  As I was praying for this sweet sisters priorities God began to say "what about yours?"  I confidently responded mine are fine.  Relationship with God, relationship with Brett, family and friends, ministry, and work.  Perfect order.    God said do your actions support that? Well if he's asking then of course they probably don't.  So, I began to examine my last couple of weeks.  I had started writing my own bible study lessons for Wednesday night and it was taking 2 or 3 nights a week.  Time I wasn't spending with Brett.  There had been a couple of mornings there were some work issues before I went in, and I had worked on those and passed up  my morning time of bible reading. Time I wasn't spending with God. The two bottom things on my priority list were taking priority over my top two.

So, I sent an email to my friend Kim and first asked her to forgive me for judging her decision for even a minute. (A Celebrate Recovery step totally out of my comfort zone, inventory your actions and make amends).   I told her God was using it all as I lesson for me, and I ask if I could use her name to blog. I also asked her if she would please start praying for my priorities? She sent back an email saying of course, and she said you are the one who told me you can't give God your left overs.  Hate it when your own advice comes back to haunt you.

So, what does that mean for me?  Does it mean I should give up my bible study, or my job?  No, it just means I need to re examine where my time is going.  How much time am I spending on facebook or watching TV?  Those things are not even on my priority list. Those are the things I should be reducing when my schedule starts to fill up.

I came in contact this month with someone who was sitting by the bedside of a parent waiting for them to die, someone who was in a custody battle for a child, someone whose teenager had ran away, someone who was in the hospital waiting for test results, someone who was going before a judge to find out how many years they would be going to prison. If these were things I were facing would my priorities change?

We are given so many hours every day, and we are accountable to God for every minute.  My prayer is that I make each of those minutes count.

Psalm 90:12 "So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom."   
How are your priorities???
    

The Beat of My Heart

Anyone who has been following me for awhile knows I struggle with quiet time.  Not time sitting down and reading my bible quiet time, but being still and silent quiet time.  I think I have determined where some of that comes from, but that doesn't make it go away.

So, this morning I read the bible and just sat still for a little while.  It was silent and totally quiet and I didn't freak out.  I didn't run through 8 lists in my head. I didn't sit there thinking I should be up putting clothes in the washer, or rushing out the door to get to work.  I didn't sit there thinking it's quiet, I am still, God should be speaking. Sometimes I think I get confused and think that's what quiet time has to be, God speaking. As if I am saying God I took 10 minutes to sit still You should speak to me now.  I just soaked up the peacefulness of it.  AND I LIKED IT.

Then it hit me this is what God wants me to find in this.  PEACE.  If I soak up enough of it, if I get comfortable with it, then in those times when my life is rushed I should be able to find that peace in my heart.  On those days at work when 8 people are talking at once, the TV is on, and the phone is ringing off the hook I should be able to draw on that peace.

On days when things are not going the way I  want them to, when it seems like there are more things to do than hours in the day. You know those days when you don't even take a full breathe.  Those weeks when I don't have a single night at home.  Those times when I feel like I have nothing left to give anyone.  I should be able to find that place of peace because it should be in my heart.  It should be rooted deeply there.

I was thinking through all of that on my way to work, and I thought about a song.  You know me music, lyrics.  However, this wasn't any grand christian song.  It's actually a pop song from the 70's or maybe 80's.  So, if you aren't in that second half of life or fast approaching it you probably won't even know the song.  It is actually a song by Air Supply called "Making love out of Nothing at All".  There is a line in the song that I love because it makes me think of Brett, but today it wasn't Brett I thought of.

The line goes "The beating of my heart is like a drum and it's lost and it's looking for a rhythm like you".  I thought, that line matches my train of thought this morning.  On those days like this morning when my heart gets it right and it finds that rhythm of God it's a perfect morning.  When my heart finds that beat and beats in tune with God I find that peace that we all so desperately grave.

My son Chris is a drummer, and he has been told by more than one person that he has natural rhythm.  We all have a natural rhythm where God is concerned. But, it's when I try and take over that the rhythm gets off beat. I don't think God intends for us to beat to our own drum.  I think he wants us to beat to His. If I can learn to let my heart maintain that natural rhythm with God, and keep that steady beat, peace might be more consistent in my life. This is one of those areas where I am a slow learner, but I like the glimpses of what I see.

John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you........" 



 

Utility Players

Maybe your one of those lucky individuals who has always known what God's plan was for your life.  You struck out on that path and are still headed down that road.  That's not the case for me.  Even at 50 something there are still days I find myself saying "what is it God wants me to do with my life."

I was having one of those chains of thought this morning.  And I felt God say, maybe I just need some utility players.  Only by hosting Miners baseball players in past years did that mean anything to me.

You see out of the 10-15 players we hosted over the years most of them were pitchers.  Not all, but at least a third.  Pitchers are really good at one thing.  They know their job and train and practice for that one thing.  In fact a pitcher doesn't just know that he's a pitcher.  They know if they are a starter, a reliever, or a closer.  Even more specialized in what they do.  And they are a very important part of the team.  In fact they probably get the most attention of anyone on the team.  However, they know they couldn't stand on the mound and play the game alone.  They rely on the team standing behind them.

One player we had stay with us, was a utility player.  Justin spend two summers with us and became a close part of our family.  Justin wasn't a particular "hot shot" in any one area, but he was strong in a lot of different areas.  He could play infield or outfield positions, he was a strong, steady hitter, and he was a fast runner.  He was a player coach Pinto could move around and use in different spots as needed.  For that reason he was an important and integral part of the team.

It was fun to watch Justin play because he loved the game, and knew the game.  He knew the ins and outs of the game, which probably made him most effective as a utility player. He had a good understanding of how the team worked together.  What all the different roles and positions were.  He didn't care where he was playing he just loved to play.  He was available, ready and willing where ever he was placed.

I began to think about that in my walk with God.  Maybe I am a utility player.  Maybe I am just trying to hard to find my spot.   God doesn't give everyone the talents to be a pitcher.  Besides, how effective would a baseball team be if it were made up of only pitchers or only catchers or only first basemen.  I am sure it wouldn't make the playoffs.

How much more effective would I be if I just loved God, and was willing to show up, and play whatever position he assigned me that day?  That isn't saying I think I am strong in that many areas, or that like Justin I have a lot of different talents.  In my case I think it just starts with being willing to say each morning "God here I am, suited up ready to go, what position on the field do YOU want me to take today?"


1 Corinthians 12:17-20:  If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be?  If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be?  But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  If they were all one part, where would the body be?  As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

Hmmm utility player doesn't sound so bad.  What position are you????



  

Good Bye's - Dedicated to Grandpa Baity.

Recently a friend of mine left town to move up north.  Good luck Terra.  I will miss you.  I have to find a new movie partner.   I am excited for her because she is beginning a chapter in her life that is long over due.  However, that still meant having to say Good bye.

After saying good bye to this friend, the word good bye has been floating around in my head this week

Brett and I moved around a lot when we were first married.  Brett was in the Navy, we literally moved from one coast to another, and since we rented we moved about every year for the first 10 years of our marriage.  That is a lot of good byes.


There are tons of songs with the word Good Bye in them.  Carpenters, Good bye to love.  Super-tramp's, Good bye Stranger.  Jackson Five, Never can say Good bye.  And of course Elton's, Good bye yellow brick road.

But the word good bye also brought up a great memory of my great-grandpa.  My Grandpa lived to be in his mid nineties.  If you haven't noticed yet I am blessed with good jeans.  Lots of people in my family live past 90.

My favorite description of this grandpa is from Brittany when she was real young.  She said  "Is he the Grandpa who lives in the little house in the country and spits in a can?"  That was a pretty good description.

There are a lot of neat stories I could tell you about my Grandpa, one would be that he accept Christ in his 90's.  The odds of someone being saved at such an age are rare to none.  But I am glad I have the hope and promise that I will get to see him again someday.

When I think of my Grandpa I picture him standing in his drive as you backed out to leave.  There he stood skinny as a bean pole, in his overalls and cap.  He always walked you out to the car, and he would never tell you Good bye, he would just wave with his pointer finger.

He lived by himself after my great grandma died, I always felt like theirs would be one of those great love stories where when one died the other one would follow shortly after from a broken heart,  Though obviously God had a better story in place for my Grandpa.  He wasn't ready for him yet.

My Grandpa had one of those freak things happen where he was getting up from his chair, or something simple and he broke a hip. (I think it was his hip).  Anyway he had to be hospitalized for a few days, possible the only time he was ever in the hospital.  While he was in there, he had contact with all those people in his life he loved, kids, grand-kids, and great grand-kids.  Everyone either made it to the hospital to see him, or talked to him on the phone, or sent him flowers, had some form of contact with him.

Brett and the kids and I went over from St Louis to see him while he was there.  When we got ready to leave his room Grandpa told us all good bye. First time I had heard him use those words. I knew when I walked out of that room that would be the last time I saw my Grandpa alive.

He got released and got to go home to his own house a few days later.  He was only home a short time before he passed away.  But God had arranged for him to get to tell all of his loved ones good bye. What an awesome Good bye blessing for all of us.

                                           My great grandparents, Baity and Edna Krutsinger

Ecclesiastes 3:1-2b  "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:  A time to be born, and a time to die.............it could just as easily say a time to say hello and a time to say Good Bye!!!!
  

Extremes

So, this is a picture of Brittany and I actually getting our tattoo's.  As you can tell my daughter is just a tad bit more dramatic than I am.  Which is one of the things I love the most about her.

But there is a much bigger lesson behind this picture than the difference in our personalities.

OK.  There may have been some pain involved, but we are both exaggerating to a certain extend just in different directions.  The real lesson came for me the next evening about 24 hours later.  We got them last Saturday, and Sunday evening I began to have a horrible back ache.  In fact my back hurt and I had spasms most of the week.  It is a week later and my back is just starting to feel normal.

I realized after looking at these two pictures why that probably is.  Even though it might be a little in excess. Brittany is releasing the pain she is feeling.  She is expressing it.  I know I look calm and relaxed right.  A rock?  In reality if you could zoom in on my knuckles I am pretty sure they are white from holding that table.  And I was afraid to move so I sat in that tense, odd position, probably holding my breathe most of the time.  It wasn't even for very long but I reaped the side effects all week.

It is that way with any kind of pain in our lives.  If we don't express the pain, if we hide it and act like it isn't there, it is going to come out somewhere.  If someone says something that hurts our feelings, betrays us, lies to us, breaks a confidence.  Those things hurt and we can bite our tongues, act like the pain isn't there, deny, ignore, act like we are tougher than we are, but the hurt is going to come out somewhere.  It may show up in your blood pressure, or your cholesterol, headaches, neck aches, back aches, TMJ, pinched nerves.  The pain is going to come out somewhere.

So, look at the lesson in this picture.  Brittany released her pain, it lasted the whole 8 minutes she was getting her tattoo.  Mine could have lasted only the 15 minutes it took to get mine.  Instead I was struggling a whole week with lower back pain because my pride said, "I am tough I can do this without showing any signs of weakness."  

God doesn't call us to be strong, to be tough, to hold it all in.  In fact, just the opposite.  Paul says in 2 Corinthians 12:9, But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ my rest upon me.

When we give in and say I am hurting, and we turn that pain over to God, and we rely on him and not our own strength then He really begins to use us.  When it's His power in us and not our own then we really are strong.
Thanks for teaching me a lesson this week Brittany!  

Daughter of Grace

So, I finally did it.  I have been talking for two years about getting a tattoo and I finally did it.

 Mine

Brittany's

I went back and forth on the fence about whether there was anything biblicly wrong in getting one.  I couldn't find anything that said there was.  I went round and round about if I was too old to get one.  Then, that new less people pleasing, part of me said go ahead.  I didn't have any of the normal fears of pain or needles.  I figured if I could have two kids I could handle the pain of a small tattoo.

But I didn't want to go it alone.  Since I  started talking about it I have been recruiting people to get one with me.  Tory, Elaine, Angie, Kim and Brittany, the only one I was able to convince who was here, when it came right down to time to do it was Brittany.  We went and got our ear cartilage pierced together when she turned 18, so it  seemed only right to do mother/daughter tattoos together.  

I have known since I started talking about getting one what I wanted.  I wanted the Twila Paris song title "Daughter of Grace" on my foot.  There were two purposes in this tattoo.   One to be a constant reminder to me that I am a daughter of grace, I am a daughter of the King.  And two as an opening when people see it, and ask what it means, to share part of my testimony.

God uses music and lyrics so often in my life, and this song was one of those times.  In 1999 I had three events that started a journey of healing and grace for me.  In July of 1999 my Dad passed away.  My parents divorced when I was young so my father and I didn't have a real close relationship.  So, his unexpected death caused some regret and guilt in my life.  September of that same year, Brittany was diagnosed with a tumor on her brain. All ended well but for the first time in my life there was something I couldn't fix or control.  A month later Brett was laid off from his job, another event that I had no control over and made me realize where I was placing my security.

Those 3 events knocked me for a loop.  Maybe, I wasn't in as much control of this perfect life I had created, as I thought I was.  I received a Twila Paris CD that year for Christmas.  We had started a Christmas tradition with the kids that on our 2 day, 350 mile Christmas trek we listened to all new CD's.  So, on the trip from Marion back to St Louis at about midnight Christmas night we were listening to this CD.  Actually, Brett was listening to it.  The kids were asleep and I was in and out.  But, I did catch the words to this song, and I sat up and replayed it.  I remember thinking this song is my life. "She spent half her life working hard to be someone you had to admire. Met the expectations, then added some of her own, so proud of all that she had done, where was the glory?  So proud of all that she had not done."

 I listened to that song to and from work for about a month.  I would sing those words to God and cry all the way.  Through those tears God began to speak to my heart.  He began to show me, that it didn't matter what I had done, or hadn't done.  He still loved me.  It didn't matter what I did, or didn't do in the future.  He wasn't going to love me any more or any less.  I began to realize that in the same way salvation is a free gift, so is grace.  It isn't something we can earn or loose.  It is mine for the accepting.   That song changed my relationship with God, and it changed my life.  So, it seems appropriate to wear it on my foot. "Born for a second time in a brand new place daughter of grace."

If you have time play the video and listen to the words of this song. Thank you God for salvation and grace.   Thanks Brett for the CD, and thanks Twila for a great song!!  

 

Attached is a link to a  video of my testimony regarding this song.  Click on the link to see it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FIKTORRbSvQ&feature=youtu.be

GRANDMA'S FRIED CHICKEN AND GRAVY

Last week my kids all came over for supper.  Brittany had mentioned a month ago that Will had never had my fried chicken and gravy.  They have been married 9 years so not sure how that happen. But I promised her I would make it for everyone one night.

So, I stopped at the store and picked up all the fixins for fried chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, macaroni and cheese, and white chicken gravy.  The meal that will always make me think of my Grandma Hanks.  My grandmother was a wonderful cook but if you ask anyone what she was famous for her fried chicken, and gravy would definitely be at the top of the list.  And there was a special trick to the gravy.  I know most people eat their gravy over their mashed potatos, but for me growing up the gravy was always poured over torn up pieces of white bread.

As a little girl I not only remember the fried chicken but I also remember the whole day that was set aside to dress those chickens.  A big ole cast iron pot was set out over an open fire filled with water.  They would gather up the chickens, chop off their heads and drop them in the boiling water.  They would pluck off all those feathers, once in awhile I got to help with that.  My favorite part was cleaning out the gizzards, and playing with the feet. It all sounds strange now but those were good old days.  The days when a whole group of family, neighbors, and friends would get together to help.  Knowing at some point they would be enjoying the fruits of those labors with one of my grandma's fried chicken meals.

As I sat out to make supper that night I was reminded of the first time I attempted to make fried chicken and gravy.  Brett and I hadn't been married very long.  We were living half way across the country from everyone and I was craving some of my grandma's good ole fried chicken and gravy.  I was probably craving the family atmosphere as much as the food.  Now I had stood on a chair and "watched" my grandma make that meal probably hundreds of times, but no one had ever really taught me how.  I wrote my Grandma and asked for directions.  She mailed me directions on how to make it.  My fried chicken turned out pretty good, but my gravy was horrible.  It was thin like water. My wonderful new husband was great, he said it taste OK it is just thin gravy.  I was so disappointed I threw mine in the trash and wouldn't even eat it.

It would be many years later before I would even attempt to try it again.  But I finally did, and this time I realized what I had done wrong.  I didn't wait.  That step after you pour in the milk, and then it starts to boil, and you let it boil for a minute.  I skipped that one.  The first time I just poured in the milk let it heat up a few seconds and dumped it up.  I missed that important part where you wait for the gravy to thicken.

There are lots of areas in my life I didn't wait, where I didn't allow God to "thickened" me or the people I loved.  Times when I moved ahead like Sarah, and Rachael and tried to fix things my own way.  Times in finances where I moved ahead on my timing where if I had waited God would have "thickened" my wallet.  Or even times in the life's of my kids, when I maybe tried to fix things for them, or make things easier, when maybe God was trying to "thickened" their faith and I got in the way.

I am proud to say that I can make a decent fried chicken and gravy now.  I would never compare it to my Grandma's but I can hold my own.  And I can say that I am getting better about waiting on God.  I am learning the sweet taste of that "thickening" process.

Psalm 62:5&6 says "Let all that I am wait quietly before God, for my hope is in him.  He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken!"

Love and miss you Grandma!!

Stick like a Tic

A couple of weeks ago Brett and I had an interesting escapade with our dog Wrigley (yes named after the stadium).  First off, I love my dogs, but they are dogs.  They are not my babies, they are not human but I don't like to see them suffer.

I took both dogs to the groomers.  Wrigley received his yearly shots and I picked up flee and tic medication for both of them.  The vet had switched to a new brand of flee and tic medication so I decided to try it.

Got home did some things around the house, ate supper then put the new medication on both dogs.  A few hours after applying the medication Wrigley started pacing around the house and rolling on the floor.  I decided it must be the new medication and immediately gave him a bath.  At 10:30 when it was time to go to bed he was still pacing almost as if he were on speed.  He literally could not sit down.  We went to bed and I continued to here him pacing the floor.  He would lay down under the bed, crawl out from under it, go lay down in the bathroom floor, dig at the rug, walk to the living room, come back in, crawl under the bed over and over.  

I got up and gave him another bath about midnight.  It did not help.  If I petted him, he would at least sit beside me, but would not lay down.  He and I were awake ALL night.

Thursday I went on to work and called the vet and the company of the medication.  Both said it sounded like an allergic reaction and should work it's way out of his system in 24 to 48 hours.  They also both suggested   I could give him Benadryl.  So, I stopped at the store and picked up Benadryl on the way home.  He was still pacing when I got home, and had added biting at his hind quarters as if something were crawling on him.  I gave him a Benadryl it seemed to make him sleepy but he was still anxious and antsy.  He would sit by you on the couch and basically fall asleep sitting up but would not lie down.  At 10:00 we gave him another 1/2 of a Benadryl.

We went to bed thinking he would surly be so tired he would crash.  He was still pacing, crawling under the bed where he sleeps, then crawling back out.  Brett and I neither one could sleep so I got back up with him.  I could finally get him to lay beside me in the spare room if I petted him but he still would not lay his head down.  Just when you thought he was going to relax it was like he had restless leg syndrome and his legs would jump and he would be back up.  At 1:00 A.M. I gave him the other half of the bendryl.  He finally slept for about an hour.

Friday morning he was still no better.  He was pitiful you could tell he just wanted to sleep but just couldn't relax enough to lie down.  I took him to work with me determined to get him into the vet.  Brett took him to the vet that afternoon, he had calmed down some but it was still as if he couldn't calm himself.  He would sit by you if you were petting him but otherwise he was still anxious and biting himself.

The vet said he thought he was getting over it and should be back to normal soon.

Friday night he couldn't lie down again.  Brett spend the night in the den with him.  He said he slept a couple of hours but was mostly up on the bed then back in the floor then back on the bed.

Saturday morning we called the vets office again.  They said bring him back in and they gave him steroids.  We started those on Saturday and he seemed to calm down a little.  Saturday night whether from the steroids or exhaustion he did lay down by me on the couch and sleep the whole night.

I called the company again Monday morning and asked them how long worse case scenario they had seen this last.  The rep I talked to said there were a few cases they had reported that lasted a week.  It was a full week before Wrigley was totally back to normal.

But, as I was sitting with him on the couch one night it struck me.  This is how it should be with my relationship with God.  If Wrigley was away from your side he was more anxious and nervous and pacing.  Like he couldn't comfort himself or find peace.  What if I were so close to God that when I stepped away or was not right at His side, I became anxious and nervous, and couldn't comfort myself?  If I only felt at peace right by his side?

Colossians 3:15  "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.  And be thankful"

Thanks for reading!

Don't Forget Your Underwear

Once again, the title of this blog is "Second Half".  It is about life after 50.  For some reason a lot of my friends have not reached that magic age yet.  So, when I get a call from one of them informing me of something funny they did it doesn't make me feel quite so old.

A couple of weeks ago I got such a call from one of them.  I was in the bathroom getting ready for work and my phone rang.  When I saw the name on the phone I thought oh no something must be wrong, this friend doesn't normally call me early in the morning.  So, I picked it up.  At first I didn't really know if she was laughing or crying.

She said you will never believe what I just did and I realized she was laughing.  I thought this is going to be good.  She said I got to work and realized I forgot my bra.  Now if you are a guy reading this I realize you are like so?  Apparently forgetting under garments is a much more tragic event for females than males.  Hence the reason she called me and not her husband.  Fortunately for her the weather was still cool and she could wear her jacket.   But, rest assured she knew something was missing all day.

We all have those fashion mishap stories.  A few years ago, when Brittany was still living in St Louis, working at a large office complex, she called me one morning laughing.  She said I got to work this morning, pulled in the parking garage, got out and started across the parking lot.  She said I looked down and still had on my fuzzy house slippers.  Unfortunately, fuzzy house slippers, are not proper work attire at Jones even on a casual Friday.  That story has a happy ending though.  As luck would have it, a large mall was right across the street from her office.  She got a new pair of shoes.  If you know my daughter that was "A Happy Day".

And just this week, the weather warmed up enough for flip flops (my personal fashion addiction). So, at the last minute I pulled the tote from the top of the closet.  I grabbed out two and slipped them on.  When I sat down in the living room I looked down and realized I had on one navy blue and one black flip flop.  I quickly changed before leaving the house.

We all have those stories.  Whether we forgot to put something on, zip something up, or walk out mismatched.  We all have those times when we are just to preoccupied, too busy, or running too late to double check.  Usually they make us laugh, but at the same time they mess up our day.

As woman we love our accessories and rarely leave the house without them.  If each morning, we took just a few minutes to put on some very special accessories, our days would go so much better.  If we stopped and fastened the belt of truth, put on the under armor of God's righteousness, and slipped into the shoes of peace that come from the good news, how would that impact our day?  If we slid on the shield of faith, adjusted the helmet of salvation, and spent a few minutes tying on the word of the spirit-God's word, think how differently our days would start out.  As you accessorize in the morning think about those special gifts, gifts given to you by your Father.

Ephesians 6:14-17 "Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God's righteousness.  For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be prepared.  In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil.
Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

Thanks for reading!  Would love to hear YOUR fashion mishaps post in the comments and share.

Honor Your Father and Mother

The title of this blog is "The Second Half" and deals with the second half of life.  Unfortunately, a part of that second half of life is parents who are getting older.  Actually, you could look at that as a fortunate, if you are still fortunate to have your parents in the second half.

Sadly, my Father in law Jack passed away this past week.  He had been sick for awhile, and everyone knew it was coming.  You are just never really prepared or ready to say goodbye.  We got the call early Friday morning, and left to meet Brett's siblings in St. Louis.  That way we were able to ride together to Springfield to be with their step Mom.

I decided at the last minute to go.  I wavered back and forth.  At 2:00 in the morning I didn't know whether to leave without knowing all the details were taken care of.  You know, those things like work, for us celebrate recovery, dogs.  But life isn't about the details is it?  It is about the people.

And for me this was a great lesson in reaching out and asking someone else for help.  Actually alot of someone's.  Thank you Lori, for stepping up and leading my Friday night group and doing food.  And all the other CR leaders that made it possible to leave at 3:00 AM.  To know it would be taken care of when we called later in the morning.  Thank you Jennifer, Douglas's, Smith's, and Mom and Gary for tag teaming to let our dogs out.

It was such a blessing to be with these 4 siblings and watch them lean on each other.  To be a part of this family who love and support each other.

After having lost my Dad 13 years ago it was strange to watch how some things are the same in every situation.  The first one is that strangeness you have of not knowing how to say it.  When you start to call people you don't know what to say.  Do you say "my Dad died, my Dad passed away, my Dad's gone'?  Then you have that roller coaster ride of emotions, one minute you are crying the next you are laughing and you wonder is it OK to laugh?  When the reality starts to sink in that he is gone.  Those first few weeks he is in your thoughts constantly, and you begin to wonder if it will be like that forever.

The other thing that is always the same is the out pouring of love. The love God showers down on us from other people in our lives.  As word started to get out everyone individually was showered with calls, texts, and facebook posts.  Tons of people, some who had never met Jack, but loved his kids.

Friends, neighbors, and co workers of Martha's immediately started bringing in food and coming by just to see if she was OK.  His care giver and the hospice nurse all came by just to share their condolences.  Neighbors were there promising support in the weeks ahead. Even random people we didn't know were a blessing.  We stopped at a local deli in Springfield to eat lunch Saturday.  One of the managers was talking with everyone while we were in line to order. When he found out we were all from Illinois he asked why we were in town.  Greg explained why we were there.  Later when we all had our food and were sitting down, that same manager came by the table and said, I just want to tell you all how sorry I am to hear about your Dad you have my condolences.

Friends, family, work associates, random people, God uses them all to let us know in our darkest times, He hasn't forgotten us.  He pours out His love and grace all around us.

Jack you will be greatly missed, but you would have been so proud of these four kids of yours.  The way they were there for each other, and for Martha.  They honored your name with love and respect at every turn.

Ephesians 6:2 "Honor your Father and Mother which is the first commandment with a promise."

Trust

After two years of being a part of Celebrate Recovery, I was able to determine that trust is something I have an issue with.  I was able to see that stuffing my feelings, trying to control everything in my life, and being a people pleaser,  stemmed from lack of trust.  Trust in others and trust in myself.  I also realized that when you have a problem trusting others, usually that over flows into your christian walk and your trust in God.

But once you realize your issues you are able to start working on them, turning them over to God and turning them around.  God stretched that trust for me just a little this week.

Last Sunday I was sitting in church, and just about the time Robbey started to preach I could hear sleet or really hard rain on the metal roof of our church.  It was really loud and distracting for everyone, but particularly for me.  The youth were coming back from Dare To Share in St. Louis.  The weather had been bad since they left that morning in fact, it was so bad, that they decided to leave earlier than planned.  Now I didn't have any youth in that group.  However, all four of my grown children (my kids and their spouses) were on that bus as leaders.

I was most distracted because my son Chris was driving the church bus(regulation school bus).  He had just gotten his CDL license and this was his first trip.  Now don't get me wrong, he is a very responsible and careful driver.  However, driving a bus load of youth in a winter storm is a big responsibility.

Needless to say, I didn't really hear anything Robbey preached that morning (sorry Robbey, I am sure it was a good message).  My mind was busy bouncing back and forth between praying and worrying. Kind of an oxymoron the two are not really suppose to go together.

When we got to the worship part of the service at the end, we sang Hillsong United's "Cornerstone".  God began to speak to my heart through those words.  Through the storm, He is Lord, Lord of all.  I rest on His unchanging grace.  My anchor holds.  In that still small voice God said,  "do you not trust me?  If something happen and that bus wrecked, and something happen to all four of your kids, would I still be your God?  Would you still worship me?  Would you still trust me?"

I didn't want to flippantly just say yes?  I thought about it through the rest of that song and through the next song.  And finally I said "God I am praying that bus makes it back safe, but if it doesn't, You would still be my God, I would still love you, I would still worship you."  If you know me at all you know that was a big step of trust for me to voice.

Let me say there was no one happier to see that bus pull in the parking lot than me.  And as each of my four kids came in that door I gave them a tight hug.

Is God calling you to some area of trust this week?

Proverbs 3: 5-6  "Trust in The Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Chris good job, proud of you!!!!!

Thanks for reading.

Jack's Heritage/ Happy 80th Birthday

This weekend Brett and I went to Springfield, MO to celebrate my Father-in-laws 80th birthday.  Great weekend. First because I got to spend 11 hours traveling in the car with Brett.  There was a day when I would have said let me fly anywhere I have to go.  I still like to fly, but lately road trips in the car with Brett have become one of my favorite things, because they are full of laughter.

One of the things I have always loved about Brett is the fact that he can make me smile and make me laugh.  No matter how angry, mad, or sad I might be he can always say or do something to make me smile.  I know that sounds simplistic, but it really isn't.  It is really about balancing me.  No matter what is going on he can take that structured, disciplined, anal retentive, part of me and make me crack.  That's what I love, that he takes that part of me and balances it out with that carefree, you can't change it, make the most of it part of him.

I realized this weekend in hanging out with Brett, his siblings, sister in law, his Dad, and his wife Martha where it comes from.  It comes from Jack and I will be forever grateful for that.

When you hang out with the Sapp clan you better bring your "A" game of wit, word games, and play on words.  Your best one liners and snappy retorts.  That is just to keep up with  the conversation, if you want to participate you better bring your "major league" game.  If you know the Sapp's  you appreciate the baseball reference there.  Go Cubs - this is our year.

Even with some health issues Jack was still able to keep up with them this weekend.  That's when I realized it comes from him. When he apologized for not being more entertaining.  Jack has always been full of stories, interesting comments, and one liners.  He spent his career in radio, so he is the ultimate entertainer, and I have always enjoyed listening to him.

While Jack went to rest for awhile Sunday, I sat in the living room with all of his kids. I listened to them..  They are all so quick.  They come back without ever missing a beat.  They bounce one liners and words off each other so fast it is like watching a tennis match.  And they are all ultimate story tellers.  You laugh until your sides hurt.

As I sat there I thought, and I realized, that it isn't just Jack's four kids.  I thought about his family, and realized that this gift also trickles down to his grand kids.  Our kids and their cousins.  When you get this whole group together your head is spinning trying to keep up.  These kids are all ultimate story tellers, all quick witted, with a great sense of humor.  They are all entertainers.  What a great legacy to leave in your kids and grand kids.  What a great gift to pass down from generation to generation.

As you celebrate your actual 80th birthday today Jack here is my favorite Jack Sapp memory.

One of the best memories I have of Jack is from our wedding rehearsal.  We were at the church for practice.  I had only met Jack a few times, because he lived in Chicago.  I didn't know him real well.  We were all in some "discussion" I don't even remember regarding what.  Something as simple as which aisle we should enter.  The church didn't have a center aisle only two side aisles.  So I think everyone had a different opinion on whether we should go down the left or right aisle.  I remember feeling stuck in the middle, that I was going to make someone mad when I choose.  Jack looked at me and said "kiddo this is your wedding, your day, you get to make the choices."  I knew from that moment on I was going to like him. And I was right I not only like him, I love the honor of calling him my Father-in-law.

Happy Birthday Jack!!!!  



                                  

Friends/ Unrealistic Expectations

Nicole this one is for you as promised.  Ironically it involves friends and friendships.  Nicole is one of my daughters best friends, has been since grade school.  I promised her a new post before the end of the week.

I read the story this morning of Jonathan and David.  The story of Jonathan risking his own life to find out if his father Saul was out to kill David.  I read the story of their friendship, of their devotion to each other, of their bond and their pact to look out for each other and each others families.  I realized that I am blessed to have a couple of those kinds of friends in my life.  Women who are willing to stick their neck out for me and sometimes say, "Where are your motives on this?" "Is your heart in the right place here?" Those friends who are not afraid to call me out, who are not afraid to ask me the hard questions.  Those who are not afraid to hold me accountable because they know I will do the same thing for them.

This week I text one of those friends. I hadn't sat down and talked to her in awhile, so I wasn't real sure what was going on in her life.  She is one of those friends that even when we haven't connected in awhile I still know she is praying for me.  So as I was praying for her on the way to work that morning, I felt God nudging me to send her a text.  If you've read here before, you know I don't always respond as quick as I should.  Sometimes I am like, really God I don't know, what will she think?  I was like God, I don't know what she has going on right now.  I don't know if this applies to anything in her life. (repent - I know)  After a couple of nudges I sent the text. It simple stated "felt God nudging me to ask you if there are any unrealistic expectations you need to put aside".

At first she said "I don't really think so, she said there is one area I have been struggling about a little". Which made me feel like, well you misread that one.   After texting, and emailing back and forth during the day she said, you know maybe I do need to spend some time in prayer about this one area.  Ironically it was an area of service.  This particular friend is very dear to my heart, because in many areas I see her as my mini-me. I see her struggle with things my younger self struggled with and I want to steer her through it. I want to help her along.  One of those areas is unrealistic expectations.

We all have unrealistic expectations.  We have them in others, we have them in ourselves.  I have really tried lately to put aside some of those unrealistic expectations.  I have stopped putting so many on myself, and I have tried to do away with some I had in others.  I don't think I have to do it all anymore, and I don't think everything has to be perfect.  I quit expecting that Brett should be able to read my mind.  How unrealistic was that?  And how unfair was that to him!

After chatting back and forth with this friend I realized there was an unrealistic expectation aspect I hadn't thought a whole lot about.  The unrealistic expectations that we, in our mind think, that God has in us.  I come from a very performance based, people pleasing background.  I am not really sure how much of that was put on me by others, or how much I have just placed on myself.  But it is there.

So I struggle with "performing for God".  Don't hear me wrong.  God wants us to serve, he "expects" us to serve.  Pastor Robbey recently preached, God doesn't expect us to just sit back on our hands, or clap our hands and just worship, he expects us to serve.

  The problem becomes when my service becomes my offering.  Hosea 6:6 says "I want you to show love, not offer sacrifices. I want you to know me, more than I want burnt offerings."   God clearly states the main expectation he has for me is a relationship with him.  So often I place the expectation on myself that the service, the sacrifice, the performance is what he wants.  That is an unrealistic expectation that I need to put down.  What about you?  Are you offering up sacrifices and burnt offerings?  Or are you offering up a relationship filled life that centers around the creator of relationships?  
Thanks for reading!!!