What I have learned in 35 years of marriage.

35 YEARS, YES 35 YEARS, it does not seem possible.  It does not seem like it was 35 years ago on this day at 7:00 PM, at Calvary Baptist Church, in Effingham.  I stood beside Brett Allan Sapp and became his wife.

I was 18, with stars in my eyes, and no idea what lie in store.  On that day, I could not have known or imagined what the future held for me, but I know that 35 years later I would do it all over again.

Waking up to this man 12,775 mornings (give or take a hundred)
2 amazing kids later
15 jobs later
6 states and I don't know how many addresses later
10 + cars later
????? miles traveled together
???? laughs
???? tears (though I know the laughs have out numbered the tears, because my favorite thing about him is that he makes me laugh every day)

I could paint a rosy picture and say it has been perfect, but if you are married you would know that is a lie.  Our life has been filled with blessings too numerous to count and I thank God for those.  But, it has been a marriage of two selfish, sinful people, so there have been hurts, disappointments, arguments, name calling, hateful words, and heartaches.

Only by the grace of God at some point we got it together and made the choice to put Christ at the center. Without him there, like so many marriages, I am sure ours would have failed.

With 35 years of marriage, comes some wisdom, so here are the top 10 things I have learned about marriage.

10.  Learn your spouses love language and speak it often.
9.    When you are wrong, say you are sorry.   When your feelings are hurt, be specific about why.
8.    Your children are "renters" one day they will be gone, and it will be you two, make your spouse priority.
7.    Learn to laugh at yourself, and laugh together often.
6.    Do not expect your spouse to be able to read your mind.  If you do you are setting them up for failure.
5.    Do not put unrealistic expectations on your spouse.and never threaten divorce.
4.    Learn to ask for help, and then accept your spouse may do it differently, but it might be even  better than your way.  ( I now hang up jeans the way Brett hangs them)
3.    Wives, if you step out of the way and let your husband lead you might find out he is really smart.
2.    An encouraging word from you is 10 times greater than one from anyone else.
1.    Your marriage should be a threesome.  God, your spouse, and you, in that order.

Genesis 2:24 "This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one."

Thank You Brett Allan for an amazing 35 years, thank you for making me laugh every day.  I can not wait to do the next 35 with you.  I LOVE YOU!!